RSD

[AuAL]

I have a real problem with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). My discovery of my autistic identity (quite recently, and very late in life) has been, for the most part, a liberating experience. It has been transformational in moving me out of the zone for psychological therapeutic intervention. (Yes, I was in therapy for some years; no, the reasons weren’t trivial.) But I have remnant RSD from decades of social, societal and internalised expectations. Even interacting here, in what I am gradually accepting as an accepting and inclusive environment, often leaves me anxious, verging on depressed, depending on my perception of the responses to me. I have never indulged in social media (except LinkedIn, which was expected professionally.) Here is a very rare exception, but I needed somewhere to help me understand this new view of myself. But even in private email exchanges I find myself vulnerable and constantly doubting my own worth.

I have not yet found any effective means of addressing RSD from a personal perspective. If anyone has insight or advice, I would appreciate it.

 

[jsilver256]

I wish I could be helpful here, as I have never had RSD. Seeing the forum members struggle with RSD has been an eye-opener to what an awful condition it is and how it can negatively impact mental health. My heart goes out to them.

In general, my philosophy is that I have improved my writing skills enough that I am reasonably, not 100%, confident in the message that I send out matches my intents and "internal tone" so to speak, and minimizes the room for misinterpretation.

Both the ability to communicate clearly and take criticism are learned skills - for me, it was honed over years of learning how to deliver bad news to very powerful people. "Shoot the messenger" is a thing. You either learn how to take criticism, or you don't.

With this confidence in delivery, the problem then becomes the message itself. It's simple - I say or write what I want to communicate. I don't track reactions, number of friends/followers, or number of replies (positive or negative). I'm a very opinionated person with a mindset that's often black and white, and odd special interests, some of them divisive (particularly my religious studies). But that's who I am, and it would be very normal to expect rejection due to that.

If people don't like who I am, once all these layers of miscommunications and tones are removed, I have the choice of finding another venue. When rejection occurs, it is simply that I am not a fit for them and vice-versa. I just go somewhere else because the only other option is to change who I am.

Hope this makes sense.

Now, social anxiety is another beast entirely...

 

[Tired]

I have a real problem with RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). My discovery of my autistic identity (quite recently, and very late in life) has been, for the most part, a liberating experience. It has been transformational in moving me out of the zone for psychological therapeutic intervention. (Yes, I was in therapy for some years; no, the reasons weren’t trivial.) But I have remnant RSD from decades of social, societal and internalised expectations. Even interacting here, in what I am gradually accepting as an accepting and inclusive environment, often leaves me anxious, verging on depressed, depending on my perception of the responses to me. I have never indulged in social media (except LinkedIn, which was expected professionally.) Here is a very rare exception, but I needed somewhere to help me understand this new view of myself. But even in private email exchanges I find myself vulnerable and constantly doubting my own worth.

I have not yet found any effective means of addressing RSD from a personal perspective. If anyone has insight or advice, I would appreciate it.

You do not need to have special talents or behave in a special way to be accepted, seen and heard by others. There is no price or worthiness, it's your human right to live and enjoy life with or without other people telling you how to behave and what to do. With all your pros and cons. You are wonderful just the way you are.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@AuAL

What little I understand about the condition is that, from a physiological perspective, it originates in the areas of the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. Coincidentally, these are the same areas that often affect social and psychological behaviors in ADHD and autism.

Furthermore, having spent a fair amount of time on this forum reading threads and posts, plus my own personal experience, varying degrees of RSD appears to be common within this group. I can remember, especially as a child, I would have one or two "good days" followed by one or two "bad days" in a depressed mood because of some sort of rejection over something. It was my life as a small child, but as I grew up into a teen, started getting into athletics, I gained a lot of confidence, almost too much confidence in some cases. I think in the more severe cases of RSD, it really holds people back in life because they lack the self-confidence, risk-taking behavior, and courage to "just do it". How can anyone gain self-confidence without challenging themselves? If you're in that depressed, fear-of-rejection, self-deprecating, self-sabotaging mindset then good luck ever being happy or excited about doing something you never thought you could. If you have ever seen interviews with successful people, it was perhaps years of 99% "NOs" before they received a single "Yes". The amount of rejection that must be endured along the way to success is beyond one's comprehension. It truly takes a strong-willed, passionate person to keep at it.

Personally, I am a "systems-type" thinker. I have alexithymia. I don't have a good relationship with emotions. I don't know what to do with them and it always leads to bad outcomes. Having said that, as a mature adult, I do have the ability to shut the emotion centers down and just function on my logic centers, if need be. I can be happy and sad, enjoy a joke, music, a sad story, etc. but if I get stressed for any reason, I just "click the switch" in my head and just function without emotions. It clears my head and is very useful.

At this stage in my life, I understand that rejection is just a normal, everyday sort of thing. I don't have to like it, but I understand it. I could let rejection shut me down,...or better,...I can run through you or around you and do it anyway. At work, I find myself playing the "long game" of "How can I gain your respect?", "What are your fears and triggers?", "How can I make you a part of the plan?", "How can I give you credit and massage your ego along the way?", "How does my plan align with yours, to your advantage?", and so on. As I am writing this, it sounds diabolical and sociopathic, but when people don't want you to succeed for whatever reason, you have to keep them close, work with them, and give them credit when it's due as you march forward with your plan.

 

[blitzkrieg]

I think social media can make this condition worse for people who are vulnerable to its effects and symptoms.

A lack of 'likes' might seem hurtful, not enough likes might appear damaging, an actual 'like' might be some pretending to be acknowledging and supportive, but only out of pity, or so the questioning mind might ask as part of RSD?

 

[Shamar]

You do not need to have special talents or behave in a special way to be accepted, seen and heard by others. There is no price or worthiness, it's your human right to live and enjoy life with or without other people telling you how to behave and what to do. With all your pros and cons. You are wonderful just the way you are.

Now, just how do I go about doing that? In 72 years, I have never been accepted by others, unless I was useful to them, and then I got used, not accepted, only for as long as I was useful. And then it was "Get Lost." I would love to enjoy my human right to live and enjoy life, as you state, but at this point I really doubt anything will change.

 

[Aspychata]

https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/amp/

 

[Aspychata]

https://www.additudemag.com/rejecti...d-emotional-dysregulation/?src=embed_link&amp

 

[Rodafina]

@AuAL

I think that symptoms of RSD can develop when we attach our sense of worth to what others think about us. When we perceive ourselves through the eyes of others and guess at their judgments and opinions, we are especially prone to filling in the blanks with negative thoughts.

Sure, seeking acceptance and some sort of connection to others can be a strong human drive, but it is very risky to let our sense of self be determined by how we think others see us. External validation (acceptance and reassurance from others) can feel pretty good, but it does not usually amount to anything substantial if we do not have a way to find internal validation.

I think strengthening one's self perception and the confidence one has in who they are can usually counter the effects of rejection sensitivity. My idea for how to start the process of building confidence is to turn our eye inward and see ourselves from our own perspective instead of imagining that of others.

 

[Jonn]

Research mode on:

What is rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)?​

Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is when a person feels intense emotional pain related to rejection. The word “dysphoria” comes from an ancient Greek word that describes a strong — if not overwhelming — feeling of pain or discomfort. Though RSD isn’t an officially recognized symptom or diagnosis, it’s still a term that experts use in connection with recognized conditions.

While rejection is something people usually don’t like, the negative feelings that come with RSD are stronger and can be harder to manage or both. People with RSD are also more likely to interpret vague interactions as rejection and may find it difficult to control their reactions.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd

 

[Jonn]

I wish I could be helpful here, as I have never had RSD. Seeing the forum members struggle with RSD has been an eye-opener to what an awful condition it is and how it can negatively impact mental health. My heart goes out to them.

I feel the same.
I don't think enough ppl appreciate what someone with RSD is going through.

 

[Jonn]

Furthermore, having spent a fair amount of time on this forum reading threads and posts, plus my own personal experience, varying degrees of RSD appears to be common within this group.

Over the decades of mixing with the autistic community it has become apparent that low self-esteem is a big factor when it comes to a lot of psychological problems with those on the spectrum.
This applies to RSD also, apparently.

People with RSD often show the following traits and behaviors:

• It’s very easy for them to feel embarrassed or self-conscious.
• They show signs of low self-esteem and trouble believing in themselves.
• They have trouble containing emotions when they feel rejected. This is often noticeable in children and teenagers with this condition. Some may react with sudden shows of anger or rage, while others may burst into tears.
• Instead of losing control of their emotions outwardly, some people with RSD may turn their feelings inward. This can look like a snap onset of severe depression, and sometimes, it’s mistaken for sudden emotional shifts that can happen with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

Same source as above.

Yes, About 45 years ago, my psychologist introduced me to the concept of:
"Repressed/suppressed anger creating depression."
I.E. Anger internalised.

 

[MNAus]

I know I go on about this often, and I know it's not well researched, and also about confirmation bias.... but the idea that autistic people perceive negative emotions more keenly really does resonate and seem almost self evident to me, especially when I witness my children. Perhaps we don't need a different disorder name. Some people have an incredibly sensitive sense of smell, some have that with sound, or touch. I'm utterly convinced that some autistic people just receive the signals of negative emotions amplified. So that cliche of the dream where you turn up at work naked, that feeling of shame and embarrassment and wanting to be swallowed up by hole, that is what some autistic people feel when they pronounce a word wrongly, or sing the wrong lyrics, or call someone the wrong name, or when they write something and someone says "what rubbish". I mean, look at the number of qualifiers I stuck at the start of this post to avoid that feeling.

It might be a just so story, but if you take a moment and transfer any sensitivity you might have for one of your other senses to your the "sense" or perceiving negative emotions, you can see how absolutely overwhelming they might be. And of course you act to avoid that. You plan, you ruminate on how to avoid, you avoid unscheduled change. Rules feel safe, because you know where you stand, and by knowing where you stand you are the master of your own destiny, you can limit your exposure to the risk of these overpowering emotions of sadness, shame, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation.

Perhaps some of us, not due to any weakness, are actually experiencing quite powerful emotional inputs from events that trigger minor responses in others. And perhaps that's hard wired, like sensitivity to labels in clothes, revulsion at strong perfumes, disgust at food textures and anger at a noisy motorbike going past. Not a choice, not part of the CBT chain of response, but the actual input might just be incredibly powerful, enough to take your breath away.

 

[Misty Avich]

It’s very easy for them to feel embarrassed or self-conscious.

I have felt embarrassment intensely for as long as I can remember. Many people don't understand, they just say "don't worry about what others think", but I do. I just do.

They show signs of low self-esteem and trouble believing in themselves.

I have low self-esteem. I hate myself so much that I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror.

They have trouble containing emotions when they feel rejected. This is often noticeable in children and teenagers with this condition. Some may react with sudden shows of anger or rage, while others may burst into tears.

I didn't get this much in childhood but I did as I got to adolescence. I faced rejection all the time at high school and it really did hurt.
When I was at college I inadvertently made such bad first impressions and sort of embarrassed myself and was sensitive to the hostile reactions I received, that I couldn't face going back for a couple of weeks so I stayed home. I did return after the two weeks and I soon settled in with the new students and made a couple of friends, although some of the others still seemed weird with me.

Instead of losing control of their emotions outwardly, some people with RSD may turn their feelings inward. This can look like a snap onset of severe depression, and sometimes, it’s mistaken for sudden emotional shifts that can happen with bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

I've been "diagnosed" with personality disorders by people on the internet, but I've researched it and I don't feel I can relate to any of the symptoms except RSD (if it is a symptom). RSD is more common in ADHD, although I don't know why. I know autism likes to take credit for it but I still think people with ADHD are more likely to suffer RSD than people with autism without ADHD.
Sometimes I wonder if I had some sort of bipolar when I was a young adult, but I don't think bipolar just comes then goes (the actual condition I mean, not the symptoms). But when I was age between 18 and 24 I kept flying up in a rage and feeling really, really depressed about myself and my life. But then I'd go through a phase of feeling really content with my life and even getting a happiness overload.
But I'm not sure. Could it just be ADHD? Depression that rears its ugly head every so often? The menstrual cycle? Anxiety?

 

[jsilver256]

Personally, I am a "systems-type" thinker. I have alexithymia. I don't have a good relationship with emotions. I don't know what to do with them and it always leads to bad outcomes. Having said that, as a mature adult, I do have the ability to shut the emotion centers down and just function on my logic centers, if need be. I can be happy and sad, enjoy a joke, music, a sad story, etc. but if I get stressed for any reason, I just "click the switch" in my head and just function without emotions. It clears my head and is very useful.

Is this a common feature? I’ve always been able to put on a “persona” so to speak under times of immense stress. That ability was why they sent me to deliver the bad news - that I could stay calm no matter what.

 

[Jonn]

Is this a common feature? I’ve always been able to put on a “persona” so to speak under times of immense stress. That ability was why they sent me to deliver the bad news - that I could stay calm no matter what.

"You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din."

 

[Rodafina]

I know I go on about this often, and I know it's not well researched, and also about confirmation bias.... but the idea that autistic people perceive negative emotions more keenly really does resonate and seem almost self evident to me, especially when I witness my children. Perhaps we don't need a different disorder name. Some people have an incredibly sensitive sense of smell, some have that with sound, or touch. I'm utterly convinced that some autistic people just receive the signals of negative emotions amplified. So that cliche of the dream where you turn up at work naked, that feeling of shame and embarrassment and wanting to be swallowed up by hole, that is what some autistic people feel when they pronounce a word wrongly, or sing the wrong lyrics, or call someone the wrong name, or when they write something and someone says "what rubbish". I mean, look at the number of qualifiers I stuck at the start of this post to avoid that feeling.

It might be a just so story, but if you take a moment and transfer any sensitivity you might have for one of your other senses to your the "sense" or perceiving negative emotions, you can see how absolutely overwhelming they might be. And of course you act to avoid that. You plan, you ruminate on how to avoid, you avoid unscheduled change. Rules feel safe, because you know where you stand, and by knowing where you stand you are the master of your own destiny, you can limit your exposure to the risk of these overpowering emotions of sadness, shame, embarrassment, guilt, humiliation.

Perhaps some of us, not due to any weakness, are actually experiencing quite powerful emotional inputs from events that trigger minor responses in others. And perhaps that's hard wired, like sensitivity to labels in clothes, revulsion at strong perfumes, disgust at food textures and anger at a noisy motorbike going past. Not a choice, not part of the CBT chain of response, but the actual input might just be incredibly powerful, enough to take your breath away.

I offer myself as a singular case study where these things are certainly true. I've worked hard to bolster self-confidence and I'm continually learning how to listen to Logic Brain. Understanding myself better and putting in great effort to improve self esteem has helped, but I still feel these emotions related to negativity that you describe just as you describe them. It is one of the main reasons why I continue to feel most comfortable and free when by myself or with my dog.

 

[Rodafina]

Is this a common feature? I’ve always been able to put on a “persona” so to speak under times of immense stress. That ability was why they sent me to deliver the bad news - that I could stay calm no matter what.

I have been this way, too - very good in a crisis. But, I do notice that it takes its toll later on. I am able to switch off a maladaptive stress response to get through something, but I find that I then have to deal with everything that was repressed later on, by myself.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Is this a common feature? I’ve always been able to put on a “persona” so to speak under times of immense stress. That ability was why they sent me to deliver the bad news - that I could stay calm no matter what.

I don't know. In my case, I might attribute it to necessity and an adaptive coping mechanism. I also work in a high-stress, high-intensity healthcare environment. I have to keep my wits about me and emotional behavior is a huge "no, no".

 

[tree]