Ruby_Aspergic
Well-Known Member
Some of you may have read parts of this on other forums, I have been trying out a coupe trying to find my niche. I think I like this one best, so hopefully you all will accept me here.
My name is Ruby, and I am a 21 year old college student. I was just diagnosed with high functioning autism on Monday, but I was told that though autism was the most accurate diagnostic label I may find I relate more with people that have Aspergers due to my level of function and all the literature the doctor gave me was for aspergers anyway, so I am here. It kind of blows my mind that I have autism. I don't view it as a negative thing, on the contrary in many ways it is a positive, but I am still having a hard time adjusting to the idea. Though I know I am still the same person, I do feel like the knowledge has changed me somehow, but I can't figure out what that change means. I just feel blank about it, I know I feel different in some way but I don't know what it is that's different. I don't know.
Things have been awkward since I got the results. I live 20 minutes from my parents in the dorms at my school. They gave me a ride home and short of a few utterances that led me to believe they were in denial, they didn't say anything to me the whole way home. I think they are avoiding me now. And I have to go home for Spring break on Saturday, so that's awesome. I'd rather not spend a week being avoided or treated like a mistake. My boyfriend of two years was extremely weirded out at first but I think he is getting over it, I saw him today and he seemed totally normal. I think he is afraid we will have children with severe autism. I told him that autism was already in my family and me having it didn't guarantee our kids would, and me not having it wouldn't have kept them from having it, either. He's just very uninformed and in shock, I think. So am I. So we will just have to figure things out together.
I haven't decided how open about things I want to be. I am going into the legal profession and am very interested in politics. I am not normally one to hide these sorts of things to protect my career, I have LDs too and am so extremely open about it that I am the president and founder of an LD club at my school-- my attitude is that though it is valid to fear discrimination in that situation, and I am sure many will discriminate against me, you can't live your whole life in fear and I can't change who I am. That's how I want to feel about autism too, but as hypocritical as it probably is I am not there yet. I am still afraid. My own mother already made comments basically invalidating my opinions just during the screening process because she decided I must have autism and that must mean that I don't have any idea what's going on in the world around me, which is obviously just plain stupid. I have had such a hard time convincing people not to count me out just because of my LDs, and now this.. I just don't know what to think. So at this point, my parents and my older sister know.. my sister's son has HFA too. And my boyfriend. And that's it. I want to tell the members of my club but I am afraid it will just be awkward. I told one of my friends and they said they wished I hadn't and that I shouldn't tell anyone else.
I have run an online support group for psychiatric conditions for the last 10 years or so, so I have quite a fair amount of forum experience of this variety (I also ran a harry potter roleplay forum for a long time-- shh!
). I am really looking forward to having a new group to join! The members of my boards have been my best friends for the greater portion of my life, and I hope this forum will be as great for me, too.
-- Ruby
My name is Ruby, and I am a 21 year old college student. I was just diagnosed with high functioning autism on Monday, but I was told that though autism was the most accurate diagnostic label I may find I relate more with people that have Aspergers due to my level of function and all the literature the doctor gave me was for aspergers anyway, so I am here. It kind of blows my mind that I have autism. I don't view it as a negative thing, on the contrary in many ways it is a positive, but I am still having a hard time adjusting to the idea. Though I know I am still the same person, I do feel like the knowledge has changed me somehow, but I can't figure out what that change means. I just feel blank about it, I know I feel different in some way but I don't know what it is that's different. I don't know.
Things have been awkward since I got the results. I live 20 minutes from my parents in the dorms at my school. They gave me a ride home and short of a few utterances that led me to believe they were in denial, they didn't say anything to me the whole way home. I think they are avoiding me now. And I have to go home for Spring break on Saturday, so that's awesome. I'd rather not spend a week being avoided or treated like a mistake. My boyfriend of two years was extremely weirded out at first but I think he is getting over it, I saw him today and he seemed totally normal. I think he is afraid we will have children with severe autism. I told him that autism was already in my family and me having it didn't guarantee our kids would, and me not having it wouldn't have kept them from having it, either. He's just very uninformed and in shock, I think. So am I. So we will just have to figure things out together.
I haven't decided how open about things I want to be. I am going into the legal profession and am very interested in politics. I am not normally one to hide these sorts of things to protect my career, I have LDs too and am so extremely open about it that I am the president and founder of an LD club at my school-- my attitude is that though it is valid to fear discrimination in that situation, and I am sure many will discriminate against me, you can't live your whole life in fear and I can't change who I am. That's how I want to feel about autism too, but as hypocritical as it probably is I am not there yet. I am still afraid. My own mother already made comments basically invalidating my opinions just during the screening process because she decided I must have autism and that must mean that I don't have any idea what's going on in the world around me, which is obviously just plain stupid. I have had such a hard time convincing people not to count me out just because of my LDs, and now this.. I just don't know what to think. So at this point, my parents and my older sister know.. my sister's son has HFA too. And my boyfriend. And that's it. I want to tell the members of my club but I am afraid it will just be awkward. I told one of my friends and they said they wished I hadn't and that I shouldn't tell anyone else.
I have run an online support group for psychiatric conditions for the last 10 years or so, so I have quite a fair amount of forum experience of this variety (I also ran a harry potter roleplay forum for a long time-- shh!
). I am really looking forward to having a new group to join! The members of my boards have been my best friends for the greater portion of my life, and I hope this forum will be as great for me, too.-- Ruby
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