Rude for not noticing

[pelecanus87]

Sometimes I inexplicably fail to notice/realize things that others see as obvious. My subsequent action or inaction is then seen as rude or inconsiderate.

Example: I have a job on a muddy construction site right now. When I go home to my apartment, I climb a flight of brown wooden stairs to reach my floor, which has just one other apartment across from mine. Don't ask me how, but somehow for over a month I failed to notice that I was leaving noticeable brown lumps of dirt on each stair probably every time the work grounds were wet/damp.

This problem would occur to most people, I suspect, without having to even see the dirt. For me, not only did it not occur to me, but I was so aloof that I didn't even notice the dirt. And she even began leaving a broom outside of her door!

The whole other aspect of this is that when people want to know why you didn't notice or realize something...you don't really have a good explanation. If you say you just didn't notice, they hardly believe it, or you just seem like a moron. I guess it is pretty moronic in a way, but it always seems like I'm missing things not out of stupidity, but just because my mind is somewhere else and focuses on different things.

 

[Major Tom]

I have the same problem.. It really irritates my wife to no end. I tried the same explanation, but she just won't go for it.

 

[SusanLR]

Opposite with me.
I notice so many details, see things, hear things that others do not that I'm always asked how did you see that?
I didn't see that at all. How could you hear that?
Who else would have noticed?
Expressions such as these.

When riding in a car, I constantly observe everything.
Wednesday for example I had an incident that made me smile. Riding along an 8 lane road, I saw a pretty grey owl sitting on a fence under some trees. He was watching the traffic go by.
I thought out of hundreds of cars whizzing by
did anyone else see the owl?
That's almost a laugh.

All of my senses are so sensitive on top of thoughts that are like a run-away train, no wonder I need quite a bit of rest time. I don't like being hurried or rushed.
And I want to take my time before answering certain things. I also like to physically take my time what ever
I do and I'm a slow, back road driver.
So the other overly quick senses aren't of my own desire.
It's just the way I am.

 

[Streetwise]

Opposite with me.
I notice so many details, see things, hear things that others do not that I'm always asked how did you see that?
I didn't see that at all. How could you hear that?
Who else would have noticed?
Expressions such as these.

When riding in a car, I constantly observe everything.
Wednesday for example I had an incident that made me smile. Riding along an 8 lane road, I saw a pretty grey owl sitting on a fence under some trees. He was watching the traffic go by.
I thought out of hundreds of cars whizzing by
did anyone else see the owl?
That's almost a laugh.

All of my senses are so sensitive on top of thoughts that are like a run-away train, no wonder I need quite a bit of rest time. I don't like being hurried or rushed.
And I want to take my time before answering certain things. I also like to physically take my time what ever
I do and I'm a slow, back road driver.
So the other overly quick senses aren't of my own desire.
It's just the way I am.

i'm wondering if it was a baby owl as all the Floridian ones I've looked at it was only the babies that looked grey.

 

[Chance]

Opposite for me also...

I notice too much. I notice every little detail, or sound, smell, or change from normal, and then start thinking on all this stuff I notice. So its like my brain is this layered nightmare of overlapping thoughts that can at times sort of get out of control. Yet... I cant tell you what clothes someone was wearing (if asked) or often I cant remember peoples faces in my head, or in person (which can and has been embarrassing).

Overtime I noticed myself doing this stuff... So I consciously tell myself this is nuts, its just a mass of mostly useless thoughts, and only keep the important ones. I literally have to STOP and settle down, and think about all the crap I am thinking about... I'm not sure if "normal" people have to do this - at least on that level.

Needless to say I cant multitask very well because its just mentally complicating sometimes.
However, if I can calm all that stuff down I can get a lot done and do it very well, and at the end of the day look back and smile. Often since I suck at multitasking I make myself a list that keeps me focused and keeps stuff from over lapping. That daily list becomes my goal for the day... I get pretty upset if that list is not done.

I am also very neat in how I lead my life... but with my ASD, there is OCD/SPD/ADHD running wild in the back ground also which may have a lot to do with my weirdness. : )

 

[Suzanne]

Very observant and in fact, TOO observant and it is my undoing. HOWEVER, I am DREADFUL for what is behind, is behind and so, in your situation, I would not notice the muddy footprints or the broom, but if there still the following day, I would, because it is about what is BEHIND me and my husband is always complaining of this fact.

I swing doors closed, but I forget to look to make sure they are fully closed.

so, what is in front or the side of me, I am way too aware and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

 

[Streetwise]

Very observant and in fact, TOO observant and it is my undoing. HOWEVER, I am DREADFUL for what is behind, is behind and so, in your situation, I would not notice the muddy footprints or the broom, but if there still the following day, I would, because it is about what is BEHIND me and my husband is always complaining of this fact.

I swing doors closed, but I forget to look to make sure they are fully closed.

so, what is in front or the side of me, I am way too aware and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.

but it is very logical because you are anxious -in your primal brain it would be telling you to run.
because you're being chased by a predator so therefore all you would really do is make sure you're not going to fall so you would only look forward -to the side.
you wouldn't look behind you because your brain is just telling you to run .
even though probably in the logical section of your Brain you are not thinking about a predator -you are still reacting like that ,when you perceive you're not being chased / threatened then you will notice other things.

 

[Suzanne]

but it is very logical because you are anxious -in your primal brain it would be telling you to run.
because you're being chased by a predator so therefore all you would really do is make sure you're not going to fall so you would only look forward -to the side.
you wouldn't look behind you because your brain is just telling you to run .
even though probably in the logical section of your Brain you are not thinking about a predator -you are still reacting like that ,when you perceive you're not being chased / threatened then you will notice other things.

To be honest, I am thinking of other things and why I forget to look behind and often my husband has to point out something I have missed.

But, in company, yes, I am high alert and I hate it with a passion.

 

[Streetwise]

To be honest, I am thinking of other things and why I forget to look behind and often my husband has to point out something I have missed.

But, in company, yes, I am high alert and I hate it with a passion.

that's why I said the logical part of your brain ,you can't turn off the primal part of your brain even though the logical part seems to be more dominant (in your words to be honest I'm thinking of other things)the primal part is still having an affect.
that's why you're not looking behind you or down behind you

 

[Progster]

This problem would occur to most people, I suspect, without having to even see the dirt. For me, not only did it not occur to me, but I was so aloof that I didn't even notice the dirt.

I actually think that most people wouldn't notice it, as most people don't look behind themselves as they climb the stairs. If I were to look back, I would definitely notice it, but if I didn't look back, then I would be unaware of the issue unless someone told me.

The whole other aspect of this is that when people want to know why you didn't notice or realize something...you don't really have a good explanation. If you say you just didn't notice, they hardly believe it, or you just seem like a moron. I guess it is pretty moronic in a way, but it always seems like I'm missing things not out of stupidity, but just because my mind is somewhere else and focuses on different things.

This is a perfectly good, logical explanation. I'm sure things happen to all people at some point, especially as during the journey from work to home they are on automatic pilot and their mind is elsewhere. I don't know why they don't accept it as an explanation.

 

[WereBear]

This is a perfectly good, logical explanation. I'm sure things happen to all people at some point, especially as during the journey from work to home they are on automatic pilot and their mind is elsewhere. I don't know why they don't accept it as an explanation.

If they don't notice something, they have a good reason and shutup. If the other person doesn't notice something, it is on purpose and nefarious.

And they complain we have no empathy!

People like this, NT or ND, just grind my gears in frustration.

 

[On the Inside]

I am mixed. Some things I notice with a hyper vigilance while other things escape my attention.

 

[SusanLR]

i'm wondering if it was a baby owl as all the Floridian ones I've looked at it was only the babies that looked grey.

This was a grown fellow.
There are five species of Owls that are native to central Florida. The one I saw is The Barred Owl. Posting pic as you can see it looks grey, especially from a distance.

And the Great Horned Owl is the largest.
One of these lives in the trees behind the house and I hear him hooting sometimes at night while on-line here.
Call him Big Al. Love to hear him.

We also have Screech Owls which are small.
I have learned to imitate them so well I can call them down to the ground in front of me at night.

The Barred Owl that looks grey.

Big Al.

 

[pjcnet]

Yes, I have similar issues and have been moaned at on numerous occasions for leaving a mess that I haven't noticed. I also often don't notice purposeful changes to the environment that most people would say was obvious such as a new ornament or picture for instance, but most of all I'm the last one to notice a difference in a person's appearance, most notably when someone has had a haircut, people are often almost insulted when I don't say, "nice haircut" since I haven't even noticed. My Mum used to often ask me, "have you noticed anything different?" and I'd stand there with a puzzled look wandering what I'd missed, when usually the change was staring me in the face.

 

[Progster]

Yes, I have similar issues and have been moaned at on numerous occasions for leaving a mess that I haven't noticed. I also often don't notice purposeful changes to the environment that most people would say was obvious such as a new ornament or picture for instance, but most of all I'm the last one to notice a difference in a person's appearance, most notably when someone has had a haircut, people are often almost insulted when I don't say, "nice haircut" since I haven't even noticed. My Mum used to often ask me, "have you noticed anything different?" and I'd stand there with a puzzled look wandering what I'd missed, when usually the change was staring me in the face.

I don't always notice changes in a person's apperance, either. Sometimes I notice, but don't think that it's important/significant and don't mention it, the people say "Didn't you notice my haircut" or something like that - well, yes, I did notice, but didn't think it was important. For me, getting a haircut is a daily, regular, mundane event and I don't realise that I'm supposed say something about it. I don't know why people get offended about it - it doesn't make much sense to me.

 

[Streetwise]

This was a grown fellow.
There are five species of Owls that are native to central Florida. The one I saw is The Barred Owl. Posting pic as you can see it looks grey, especially from a distance.

And the Great Horned Owl is the largest.
One of these lives in the trees behind the house and I hear him hooting sometimes at night while on-line here.
Call him Big Al. Love to hear him.

We also have Screech Owls which are small.
I have learned to imitate them so well I can call them down to the ground in front of me at night.View attachment 42030
The Barred Owl that looks grey.View attachment 42044 Big Al.

I knew the names of them all as I'd looked them up !but I was looking for distinctly Matt Grey -only the babies looked near that -I thought of the Barred owl but it wasn't as grey as the babies.
that's what I'm waiting for about the summer here-the little owls that are native to the UK and the bats -it's amazing to see them fly past the house at night and then fly in between the houses.
and the swifts remembering theyve flown from West Africa, then all they can do is rest on the telephone lines .
hope I see a frog this year and hope the cat doesn't see it ,please pray the cat doesn't see it - ask everybody you know who prays that the cat won't kill anything else- it's killed an endangered species a field vole.
it really depresses me when I smell a dead body .

 

[pjcnet]

I knew the names of them all as I'd looked them up !but I was looking for distinctly Matt Grey -only the babies looked near that -I thought of the Barred owl but it wasn't as grey as the babies.
that's what I'm waiting for about the summer here-the little owls that are native to the UK and the bats -it's amazing to see them fly past the house at night and then fly in between the houses.
and the swifts remembering theyve flown from West Africa, then all they can do is rest on the telephone lines .
hope I see a frog this year and hope the cat doesn't see it ,please pray the cat doesn't see it - ask everybody you know who prays that the cat won't kill anything else- it's killed an endangered species a field vole.
it really depresses me when I smell a dead body .

Well nature is in some ways beautiful, but often all people including NTs observe it through rose tinted spectacles, when in reality nature is more often extremely brutal and unforgiving with the survival of the fittest and the food chain. For instance a wild cat cannot survive and feed it's young without causing fear, suffering and ultimately death to other animals, similarly owls are also predatory. Human beings are omnivores and we have the option to make a conscious decision not to eat and cause suffering to other animals, that's why I've been a vegetarian since 1996. Most of us thankfully go against nature in various ways however by for instance looking after disabled and vulnerable adults and children, naturally many would perish as would a disabled animal in the wild. Despite our best efforts we still sometimes succumb to illness however and eventually like all animals old age will cause our ultimate demise if nothing else succeeds earlier, this also often causes suffering.

Nature is an example of how the same thing can be viewed in different ways by different people, or even when they're in different moods, there are other examples. It's not always just about not noticing or noticing something.

 

[OlLiE]

Opposite with me.
I notice so many details, see things, hear things that others do not that I'm always asked how did you see that?
I didn't see that at all. How could you hear that?
Who else would have noticed?
Expressions such as these.

When riding in a car, I constantly observe everything.
Wednesday for example I had an incident that made me smile. Riding along an 8 lane road, I saw a pretty grey owl sitting on a fence under some trees. He was watching the traffic go by.
I thought out of hundreds of cars whizzing by
did anyone else see the owl?
That's almost a laugh.

All of my senses are so sensitive on top of thoughts that are like a run-away train, no wonder I need quite a bit of rest time. I don't like being hurried or rushed.
And I want to take my time before answering certain things. I also like to physically take my time what ever
I do and I'm a slow, back road driver.
So the other overly quick senses aren't of my own desire.
It's just the way I am.

same here

 

[Ste11aeres]

I am mixed. Some things I notice with a hyper vigilance while other things escape my attention.

This. And many of the things I miss are things that everybody else notices.

 

[the_tortoise]

I often miss "obvious" details and make supposedly "careless" mistakes (even when I am trying to take immense care).

But then, I also often notice details that other people don't, think of things that other people don't.

It depends on the thing/task, depends on the day and the context, depends on what mode my brain is in.