Rules

[jleeb05]

I've always had a strict moral code/rule system. Following this code is very important to me. I get agitated when there is some deviation. I thought this was just me but the more I learn about being on the spectrum, the more I believe that many of us have a strict set of rules that allow us to understand/navigate the world around us.

I'm curious, what are some of your rules (positive or negative)? Have they helped?

A few of mine:

1) Treat people the way you want to be treated
2) Don't curse
3) Don't display anger (emotions make people uncomfortable)
4) Appear happy ( people may ask you how you're doing but they don't really want to deal with your darkness)
5) Look people in the eye (Or they'll be uncomfortable)
6) Don't say/talk too much

 

[Misery]

Hm, let's see...

1. Try to be polite. It doesnt pay to be a total jerk. Usually.
2. Use sarcasm. So much sarcasm. I'm a fountain of it. Everyone I meet seems to find it highly entertaining, so... yay? I guess that helps? Somehow? Look, I never said it made any sense.
3. Dont talk too much when dealing with new people. Yeah, that one.
4. Dont talk about interests unless directly asked. Even if asked, keep answers short and clipped to dissuade further questioning. After all, when it's "small talk" they're not REALLY interested. If they ARE really interested it'll become apparent later.
5. Look in the eye. Truth be told I only do this when dealing with cashiers. Why? Because I know what retail is like. Dont need to make their day any worse... anyone else can just deal with it.
6. Yeah, I dont curse either.
7. Dont pretend to be something I'm not. I just refuse.
8. Dont stab anyone.

 

[Tom]

Eat fast and then ask for some of their food.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Here are my rules to life, born deep from my unconscious that I shall make conscious just to educate you guys.:

1. If you feel really passionate about someone romantically or sexually, then you should do anything in your powers to make that one night stand/romantic relationship you want happen. Even you have to screw over other people over to accomplish this.

2. Get revenge on the people who get you mad, even if they don't know you or what they did wrong. It doesn't have to be anything illegal, just simple pranks can be good if that's what you feel comfortable doing.

3. Make offensive and raunchy jokes whenever you feel like doing that.

4. Unless it involves real children or animals; you should indulge in all of your fetishes.

 

[Progster]

Don't waste food. If you buy/grow it, you must eat it. Give surplus food away to someone else who needs it.

Respect other people's right to belief, or non-belief as the case may be. Religious or otherwise. If people want to believe in little green men, so be it. It's their choice, personal to them, even if it seems ridiculous or illogical to you. Don't try to preach to or impose your beliefs on other people. Believing in something different doesn't make you entitled or morally superior. Also, belief and fact are not the same thing.

Be polite. Meltdowns can happen, mistakes can happen. If they do, admit the mistake, accept blame, apologise and then move on. This stuff happens. Don't try to find excuses - either for other people or for yourself. Don't carry the burden of guilt around with you. It happened, it is what it is, deal with it and then move on.

Respect other people's opinions, even when they directly oppose your own. Again, people have a right to their opinion.

Respect other people's feelings and emotions. They have a right to them, you can't tell another person how they should feel.

Don't take/accept a new plastic bag at a store unless you need one, and reuse the ones that you have.

Wait your turn in the queue. Having fewer items than the person in front of you doesn't give you the right to take their place or go to the front of the queue.There are two exceptions to this rule - 1. having frozen foods and 2. genuine urgency. Having a couple of items less than me does not constitute genuine urgency.

 

[Aspychata]

My new rule, understand what you are feeling. Break it down to doable sound bites.

Feel the intent or emotion of those around you, then discard it immediately.

If you don't understand the person you are seeing, let your confusion dissipate because to analyse them is like going down Niagara Falls and something will get loss including the relationship.

Whatever flux you are handed in your life just go with it until a new gate opens and you can move on.

Don't say what you want to say to the jerk wasting your time, even jerks have rights for exactly 2.5 mins.

Don't wow anybody with your stupidity, your crass jokes, or your oblivious disrespect for social rules no matter how badly they make you puke, this happens to me regularly, wanting to puke with idiot men.

Being a neurotic mess took time so enjoy the journey and realize there are more screwed up people on the planet then you. Except this forum, which actually has a decent group of people which brings me to my final rule,

Come to this forum when in need of normal.

 

[LadyS]

-Golden rule first and foremost. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Feel like this applies to pretty much everything regarding tolerance, prejudice, respecting different views, kindness, physically hurting others, personal convenience etc.
-Be fair whenever possible.
-Don't be loud in inappropriate places.
-Embrace balance instead of extremes.
-No PDA
-Try to explore all options, learn all you can
-If you are wrong, admit it and move on. Nothing wrong with admitting you were speaking or doing from a less informed space.
-Be on time (or just don't be chronically late)
-Stop trying for perfection. Nothing is perfect, never will be.
-Treat animals with respect.
-Don't start unnecessary drama.
-Take everything with a grain of salt.
-Karma: You're not the only person on this planet. Remember so many of your actions can affect others. And it can come right back to you.
-Use your damn turn signal.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I feel like my life and head is far too disorganised to even pretend like I live by any rules. I suppose I could say some rather obvious, and basic rules, such as:

• Don't kill myself.
• Don't kill someone else.
• Try not to be selfish or horrible.

There's other stuff that I attempt to do, but it depends on how I'm doing mentally and physically. Emotions are always a rollercoaster, and sometimes my headspace and bodily symptoms are in such a state that I can barely do the basics:

• Always smell nice.
• Make people laugh.
• Listen to your friends when they're having a bad day.
• Be polite - politeness costs nothing.
• If you're eating cake for breakfast you've peaked too soon.
• Smile if you meet someone's gaze.
• Always hold a door open when someone is near you.
• Offer someone gum if you're about to have some.
• Let someone out if they're waiting at a junction to join the road you're on.
• It's ok to not be ok - don't burden yourself with unnecessary blame if you're having a bad day.

Ed

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

The cursing rule I threw out years ago, teenager after I realized it was stupid.

 

[ucrenegade]

Follow the bible not man's traditions.

Second don't fake or be scared of who you are even if you appear to other people a a$$whole.

 

[WildCat]

1. Golden Rule
2. Stop complaining so much. There's a very good chance, if you're reading this or typing on this forum and you're in good spirits, at least a quarter of the world population doesn't have access to the same resources you do. Just think about that sometime.
3. Don't act on your dark side. Go ahead and get it out, say it if you have to, but resist the temptation to do something dirty.
4. Don't just say something, show it and do it. Actions > words.
5. Don't be afraid to stand your ground and speak your mind if you have to. There are people out there who will step on you if you don't do something about it.
6. Don't rely on assumptions alone.
7. Learn from your mistakes.
8. Be yourself and not someone else. I mean that literally, not figuratively.

 

[Martha Ferris]

Be kind.
Everyone is human and thus has the same value. Different does not mean inferior.
Never assume.
Always question.
Everything is connected. Act from that belief.
Base my opinions on supported evidence and demand that of others.
Be constructive not destructive.
Help when and where I can.
Challenge the status quo.
Do the best I can every day and accept that my best is all that I can do.
All I have is this minute right now. The past is gone and cannot be changed and the future may not come. Live my best minute.
Be open to opportunity.
Live my truth.
There may be reasons but there are no excuses. Accept responsibility for my choices.
Always be honest.
Remember that I have choices every single minute of every single. Make good ones for myself.
Be the change I wish to see in the world.

 

[jleeb05]

4. Dont talk about interests unless directly asked. Even if asked, keep answers short and clipped to dissuade further questioning. After all, when it's "small talk" they're not REALLY interested. If they ARE really interested it'll become apparent later.

I hate small talk. I think I need more rules around this. I used to fall into the trap of actually telling people how I was doing when they'd ask. I eventually realized most people really don't care. They just expect you to say "I'm good. Thank you," and keep it moving.

1. If you feel really passionate about someone romantically or sexually, then you should do anything in your powers to make that one night stand/romantic relationship you want happen. Even you have to screw over other people over to accomplish this.

2. Get revenge on the people who get you mad, even if they don't know you or what they did wrong. It doesn't have to be anything illegal, just simple pranks can be good if that's what you feel comfortable doing.

The scary thing is that I think these were actually my rules as a kid/teenager. I felt that if I liked someone and tried really, really hard, I'd get them to like me back.

And when I was bullied, I felt it was my duty to exact revenge. It was like I personally needed to balance to scales or justice or ensure that karma was doing its job.

Don't waste food. If you buy/grow it, you must eat it. Give surplus food away to someone else who needs it.

Don't take/accept a new plastic bag at a store unless you need one, and reuse the ones that you have.

I definitely have a lot of rules around recycling and waste. I spend so much time thinking/worrying about my impact on the environment. It frustrates me when other people don't seem to care.

Smile if you meet someone's gaze.

I mentioned this in another post. This is definitely one of my rules. The only problem is that I sometimes stare at the person in anticipation of our eyes meeting haha. I don't want them to think I'm being rude by looking away so I'll just glare at them until they look at me and then I'll smile haha.

3. Don't act on your dark side. Go ahead and get it out, say it if you have to, but resist the temptation to do something dirty.

I agree 100%. I mentioned in another thread that I did often acted on my "dark side" or impulses as a kid, including when I pushed my bully down the steps. Thankfully, I now have this as a rule.

 

[ForestGumpett]

Buy the largest bag of candy because somebody is going to want you to share.

Peppermint patty’s are my favorite.

 

[Aspychata]

Remember being bullied means you were important to somebody .......

So accept the bully because they struggle too. Funny to see it that way.

 

[Au Naturel]

1. Do not automatically ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence or ignorance. (Do not completely rule it out, either.)
   
2. Always go with the least complicated solution that fixes the problem.
3. Everybody hurts, sometimes. Some more than others but nobody is immune.
   
4. Until you have walked a mile in their moccasins, you do NOT understand. And might not even then. They don't understand you, either. So... be kind.
   
5. Holding onto anger at someone is like holding onto a burning coal, hoping to get a chance to throw it at them. You're the one who gets burned.
   
6. Everything is relative. Things can always get better or worse.
   
7. Do not do unto others that which is hateful to you.
   
8. The past is an unreliable memory and the future a vague dream. Do not let them contaminate the present.
   
9. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
   
10. This too shall pass away.

Then there are Gibbs' rules from NCIS. They are like an unofficial addendum.

Gibbs' Rules: The Complete List From NCIS

 

[Suzette]

Most of my rules are subconcious so I follow them without spelling them out. Most would be ordinary rules for getting along in a cooperative society. Don't lie, be kind to others etc.
But I do have one rule that I consciously try to follow.

When someone is talking to you, listen with undivided attention.
It is hard for me to do because I feel as exposed as the person I am listening to.

 

[Au Naturel]

Here's another couple of rules I try to live by.

Remember the parable of the 5 blind men and the elephant.

The Blind Men and the Elephant

Even the people one violently disagrees with have a piece of the truth you can learn from. Put together enough of these pieces and you may find some truth.

And remember the allegory of Plato's Cave.

Plato's Allegory of The Cave: Meaning and Interpretation

You can never know if you have found ultimate enlightenment or just a bigger and brighter cave.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

In the second century, Rabbi Hillel was asked to recite the Torah while standing on one foot.

He stood on one foot and said, "“That which is hateful to you do not do to others. All the rest is commentary. Now go and learn.”

 

[ForestGumpett]

Quotes like this is where my aspie shows up more than usual. I don’t get it but feel stupid because I don’t get it.

Why would anyone ask another person to talk while standing on one foot unless one foot was all they had?

I see others get things all the time that is totally lost on me. I feel sure this makes some kind of sense but for the life of me I need it explained or have to just accept it.

Gosh I wish I could get out of this body and get a new one that works better. :-(

In the second century, Rabbi Hillel was asked to recite the Torah while standing on one foot.

He stood on one foot and said, "“That which is hateful to you do not do to others. All the rest is commentary. Now go and learn.”