Running into people you know when you're out

[Slithytoves]

Today I ran into two separate old acquaintances when I was out. I really hate it when that happens! When I go somewhere, I just want to go about my business. Running into old co-workers or other people I know, but don't keep contact with, always feels very awkward to me. It's even worse when I see people somewhere other than the place I associate them with, because I'm terrible at recognizing people out of context.

My first instinct when I do spot somebody is to dodge them completely, but they usually see me first because I'm pretty oblivious to the people around me when I'm heading somewhere or doing something. When someone approaches me, I never know what to say that won't sound cliché or fake, and I never know how or when to end the conversation. They don't seem to, either. I don't know why people bother trying to force a conversation with someone that isn't really important to them when a simple "Hi" would suffice. I'm usually pretty comfortable socializing, but this is one type of interaction that really catches me at a loss.

I've moved around a lot, and one of the biggest benefits to this is that I don't amass a large number of acquaintances for potential surprise encounters. I've been living where I am for several years now, though, so it's become inevitable that I will bump into someone now and then. I swear, it's enough to make me want to do my shopping, etc., on the other side of town!

How do you feel when you run into people when you're out? Do you usually recognize them? Do you try to avoid them? What the heck do you talk about?

 

[Harrison]

I have a real problem recognising people if they are 'out of place', so bumping into co-workers in a store is embarrassing to say the least. It's easy for me to walk past people in the street that I know and not see them.

When I do recognise people it will depend on who they are as to whether I ignore them.

 

[zurb]

I don't do face recognition when I'm focussed on shopping.
My wife tells me that my work colleague who I'd known for a few years by then and worked in the next cell came up to me and spoke to me in the supermarket. I didn't even register he was there. I knew I was bad, but not that bad!

 

[Sarsaparilla]

I'm sure I've been blissfully unaware of plenty of people I don't want to talk to because I haven't recognised them. It can get awkward though. I sat down on a bench to eat my lunch, only to find I was sitting next to a colleague from work and I hadn't recognised him (or I would have avoided him) - ugh... couldn't get out of the tortured conversation.

I can think of three occasions in the past few years where I have a) recognised the person and b) wanted to speak to them. There have been more times when I've recognised and avoided people even if they were someone I wouldn't mind speaking to in other contexts. If I'm not prepared for a conversation, it's hard. I'm trying to learn how to acknowledge someone's presence by nodding my head at them without actually having to speak. It would be useful to know how to do it, and it sounds like it should be easy, but I find it hard be co-ordinated enough to do it. There's also always a bit of a delay where I am trying to work out if I do in fact know that person, always a bit awkward saying hello to someone I don't actually know but who looks a bit like someone I do.

 

[watersprite]

I dread running into people that I know, or, more accurately people who think I should know who they are. I've failed to recognize people many times when they are not where I think of them as belonging.

This is a little sideways from the topic, but the person (man in his late 60's) who lives next door always wants to talk to me when I am in my back yard. How does one get away from "endless conversation" without being a bad neighbor.

 

[Judge]

How do you feel when you run into people when you're out? Do you usually recognize them?

Casual acquaintances? Just plain weird.

Reminds me of a time when I ran into someone I worked with only six months before, and I completely went blank about who she was. Nothing personal, but I wanted very much to move past all the years I worked there...and apparently succeeded in ways I didn't anticipate. Took me months afterwards to recall who she was.

 

[ThatSkyWing]

I ran into someone I knew just the other day, it was really awkward and a little irritating because I would just like to go about my business unnoticed by everyone. I did recognize the person, and luckily all she said was hi, so it wasn't too bad.

 

[Suzanne]

I am ok with recognising faces outside their context and it is not so much not knowing what to say, but more: I don't want to stand and talk; have a task to perform and want to get it performed.

My major hang up is people turning up at my home; I seriously do not like that at all I would rather they phone first!

 

[Progster]

When I'm in town I just want to go about my business and be left alone, I'm in my own little world and anyone stopping me to talk is an intrusion I resent. I avoid bumping into people if I can, and even take a different route or cross over the street and pretend not to have seen the person to avoid them. I often wear sunglasses and big obvious headphones, but that still doesn't stop people from trying to talk to me. You'd think they'd get the message that I'm listening to music and can't hear/don't want to stop, but they don't. In order to talk to someone I absolutely must be prepared for it beforehand and know it's coming.

 

[Warmheart]

I usually don't recognize people out of context. When greeted enthusiastically, I stand rooted to the spot, deer-in-headlights, desperately wishing that I possessed cloaking device technology.

 

[Spiller]

I can completely miss seeing people I do know and acknowledge people who just look like someone I know, both embarrassing situations. I can't easily recognise someone out of context or if they've changed their hair, are wearing different clothes (ie: uniform/casual/smart) or sunglasses - Batmans mask or Clark Kent's glasses and hair would absolutely work on me in real life
I avoid places where I know I might run into former colleagues or clients, as an unexpected encounter and their desire to converse leaves me struggling to find words and later cringing when I recall the rubbish I blurted out..

 

[Licorice]

I guess I'm in the minority that I just try to acknowledge them because I don't want to come off as cross when I don't feel that way towards them.

 

[Progster]

I have difficulties with facial recognition too, which makes meeting people even more awkward.

 

[SameStars]

If I can I will avoid it. I don't easily bounce back to the way I would usually interact with someone when caught off guard by them. Sometimes it feels like talking to a stranger, sometimes it will be okay after a few moments.

 

[SignOfLazarus]

I have a really hard time recognizing people out of a regular context that I know them from. So people from a class or work or wherever else... if I see them in the grocery store, I will almost never recognize them. The exception to this is if they have something very distinctive they usually wear or a distinctive gait. I may be more likely to recognize them. My best friend lives down stairs and is a costume designer and I used to do a lot of art. There is an art store about a ten minute walk from us and on a few occasions we have randomly been out and run into each other going the other way.

She got a hair cut one day and was walking toward me- I had no idea who she was until she waved and said hi haha.

When the person starts talking, I usually do better, but I still sort of worry that I haven't placed them right so I'm not comfortable and kind of want to just get out of the situation unless it's someone who I've considered very forgiving of my "oddness". I'm usually like "oh on leave from school, hope to get back next semester, and WHAT ARE YOU UP TO????" people will talk about themselves and then you can say you have to go somewhere, forgot something, something like that.

Most people I don't really have something specific to say to them if I'm not prepared to meet them.

 

[Judge]

I usually don't recognize people out of context.

I really like the way you put that. "Out of context". Yes...I suppose that happens on occasion in my case as well.

 

[AsheSkyler]

If I can recognize them before they see me, I usually try to duck and hide unless I really like them. I've read Aspies aren't the only ones who have trouble with "worlds colliding" (heehee, I love that phrase) because a lot of people get a bit tripped up when people pop up out of context. Although we do have it much worse.

Only issue with noticing them is that their faces and bodies are really warped until I recognize them. Half the time it's hard for me to focus on being polite because in the back of my head I'm hearing "Did your hair always poof that much? Did you know your face is shaped like a trapezoid? Did you know your shoulders are that broad? Did you know your butt stuck out six inches from your back? You're kinda bowlegged too. Do you where high-heels at ____, because you are incredibly short here." Oh, the things I noticed about people out-of-context.

 

[Slithytoves]

I'm trying to learn how to acknowledge someone's presence by nodding my head at them without actually having to speak.

There's also always a bit of a delay where I am trying to work out if I do in fact know that person

The nod and smile is my preferred acknowledgement, but sometimes that just encourages people to want to stop and talk to me. I've learned that I really need to just pretend I don't see the person at all, and hope they believe it and move on.

Ugh! The delay! What a trap that is. Stare at somebody a second too long while I'm trying to figure out if I really know them and they catch me every time. Then I'm stuck.

How does one get away from "endless conversation" without being a bad neighbor.

I have a similar problem with an elderly woman who lives next door. She's 90 and frail, and I know she's trying to stay in her home so I do help her out with things now and then. I spend a lot of time on my back patio though, in view of her back door, and I don't want to have to acknowledge her every single time I see her. When is it okay to keep my eyes on what I'm doing and ignore her? If I go with a simple, neighborly "hello", I might get asked to do something when I really don't have the time or inclination. I deal with this almost every day, and it's so awkward!

I wanted very much to move past all the years I worked there...

Exactly! If I haven't kept in touch with people I knew from a job or organization I'm no longer involved with, it's because I've moved on and didn't want to maintain any ties. It may not be anything personal against the person I've run into, but I don't want to be forced to revisit that time or place spontaneously by proxy.

My major hang up is people turning up at my home; I seriously do not like that at all I would rather they phone first!

That is a thread unto itself, right there! I don't have a problem with this now, but in the past I have had some friends with an open-door policy at home, and they could never grasp the idea that I don't like drop-in visits. "I was just in the neighborhood" isn't a good enough reason to show up uninvited, IMO. Maybe I'm just a real jerk?

I'm usually like "oh on leave from school, hope to get back next semester, and WHAT ARE YOU UP TO????" people will talk about themselves and then you can say you have to go somewhere, forgot something, something like that.

That's the worst part of running into people, for me. The Two-Minute Catch Up. What if I don't want to tell people what I've been "up to" since I last saw them? If I wanted them to know about my life, I would never have lost touch. I know it's supposed to be a courtesy but it feels invasive to me.

My all-time least favorite run-in is when I'm visiting my home town and bump into someone from way back. They always feel like they need a synopsis of my life since they last saw me, and I can't even count how many times people have said: "I always thought you would have done X by now". I apparently never lived up to anybody's expectations. Great!

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

See, this is what I like about coming here, I can meet myself in others and think, OK, it isn't just me.

How do you feel when you run into people when you're out? Do you usually recognize them? Do you try to avoid them? What the heck do you talk about?

I recognize immediately nearly always, and take evasive action nearly always. I'm almost never anyplace where I don't know how I'll get out.

When I do recognise people it will depend on who they are as to whether I ignore them.

I want to be thought of as a 'nice' person--largely because I'm social enough to want company on demand, and it's good camouflage. But I reserve the right to 'cut them dead' on the street if I think they're a sticky predator. I'm thinking of a particular type: effusive, cloying, chatty, drama-loving types who want 'material to work with' and will try to shame me into social protocols to get it. Those people I don't hide from. I simply 'see' a hole in space where they are, and they disappear.

I usually don't recognize people out of context. When greeted enthusiastically, I stand rooted to the spot, deer-in-headlights, desperately wishing that I possessed cloaking device technology.

I go into New York City urban mode: hard stare at nothing, fast walk, unless I'm someplace that doesn't work (museums, farmer's markets). Since I don't have cloaking technology, I try for Phantom Menace.

Exactly! If I haven't kept in touch with people I knew from a job or organization I'm no longer involved with, it's because I've moved on and didn't want to maintain any ties. It may not be anything personal against the person I've run into, but I don't want to be forced to revisit that time or place spontaneously by proxy.

That is a thread unto itself, right there! I don't have a problem with this now, but in the past I have had some friends with an open-door policy at home, and they could never grasp the idea that I don't like drop-in visits. "I was just in the neighborhood" isn't a good enough reason to show up uninvited, IMO. Maybe I'm just a real jerk?

I am so there about leaving people/jobs/orgs behind: the dogs bark, but the caravan moves on, and I am very protective of my achy places...and I was taught never to show up unexpectedly because people need notice. One of my enduring problems as an aspie with foreign-raised parents is that the social rules and rituals I use to keep myself safe and pass for normal work for a time that is long past, opportunities I'll never have, and a place that no longer exists. Being a jerk is effortless, but if you can do it in the right accent...sadly, I no longer can!

 

[Joni]

Today I ran into two separate old acquaintances when I was out. I really hate it when that happens! When I go somewhere, I just want to go about my business. Running into old co-workers or other people I know, but don't keep contact with, always feels very awkward to me. It's even worse when I see people somewhere other than the place I associate them with, because I'm terrible at recognizing people out of context.

My first instinct when I do spot somebody is to dodge them completely, but they usually see me first because I'm pretty oblivious to the people around me when I'm heading somewhere or doing something. When someone approaches me, I never know what to say that won't sound cliché or fake, and I never know how or when to end the conversation. They don't seem to, either. I don't know why people bother trying to force a conversation with someone that isn't really important to them when a simple "Hi" would suffice. I'm usually pretty comfortable socializing, but this is one type of interaction that really catches me at a loss.

I've moved around a lot, and one of the biggest benefits to this is that I don't amass a large number of acquaintances for potential surprise encounters. I've been living where I am for several years now, though, so it's become inevitable that I will bump into someone now and then. I swear, it's enough to make me want to do my shopping, etc., on the other side of town!

How do you feel when you run into people when you're out? Do you usually recognize them? Do you try to avoid them? What the heck do you talk about?

I hate running into people I know and havnt seen for awhile. My first thought is oh no what am I going to say that won't be boring. I just can't do casual conversation I usually try to pretend I haven't seen them. I usually feel that I'm doing them a favour as well. If I see them at a distance I'm happy to acknowledge them when I know I won't have to speak to them.