Saying goodbye...

[Major Tom]

Hey everyone.

I am an ESL teacher living in a foreign country, and I've had a very emotional day. Today was my last class (and probably the last time I will see), a couple of students that graduated from high school. They will be leaving the prefecture, going to universities, and afterwards, into busy adult lives. I've known them since they were little boys, who could barely say hello, and now are young men, well versed in English.

I didn't realize how attached I had become to them, and when it came time to say goodbye, I kind of lost it and even shed some tears. The sudden realization that I would probably never see them again hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt very embarrassed that I became so emotional, and had to step outside for a while. Even during my next class, it was obvious, and my students asked what was wrong. (I made up an excuse about allergies)..

Have any of you become emotionally attached to either coworker's or students like this? If so how did you overcome the sadness and shock that came with it? I feel almost like I lost family members or something, and get the feeling that it's going to take a while to recover. Any input is welcomed.

 

[tree]

WHEW!!!!!

So glad to see that I misunderstood the title of your thread.

=====
What's the possibility that some of the students would want
to stay in contact with you, the way that college students in
the US do with their instructors?

Like email, or snail mail...or I hesitate to say it, due to the
stigma, Facebook?

I know instructors who maintain contact with previous students
this way.
========
If however, complete loss of contact is a foregone conclusion,
then I suppose it will be like any other grieving process, for
the loss.

 

[Major Tom]

WHEW!!!!!

So glad to see that I misunderstood the title of your thread.

=====
What's the possibility that some of the students would want
to stay in contact with you, the way that college students in
the US do with their instructors?

Like email, or snail mail...or I hesitate to say it, due to the
stigma, Facebook?

I know instructors who maintain contact with previous students
this way.
========
If however, complete loss of contact is a foregone conclusion,
then I suppose it will be like any other grieving process, for
the loss.

That's a good idea @tree, I know that both of them still have siblings in my school, maybe I can get them to pass along my e-mail address At the time, I was too emotional to think of that.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I'll bet those students would be thrilled to keep in touch with you, even honored that you want to. And yes, I've had this experience many times and it is hard to say goodbye.
I will never forget a former boss telling me, after giving me a hug goodbye, "if you ever need anything, anything at all, you call me." No one before or since has ever said that to me and he was just the boss of an agency where I worked for awhile.

 

[Major Tom]

I'll bet those students would be thrilled to keep in touch with you, even honored that you want to. And yes, I've had this experience many times and it is hard to say goodbye.
I will never forget a former boss telling me, after giving me a hug goodbye, "if you ever need anything, anything at all, you call me." No one before or since has ever said that to me and he was just the boss of an agency where I worked for awhile.

These students really touched my life, and became to me the closest things to friends in real life that I've had in years... They also in ways were teachers to me as well. I just can't imagine saying seeya and that's that. I think I'll figure out some way to keep in touch.

 

[Mia]

Had stayed in contact with one of my university teachers, for about fifteen years afterwards. We used to play squash together, twice a month. I was terrible at sports that required hand to eye coordination, but I played anyway. Never won a game.

She moved to another country at retirement. We still on occasion email once a year. When I left school, it was as if I had lost all my like-minded friends and I did feel the loss of people with similar interests. We did stay in contact for some time. Think being sad about the loss of people that stimulate your thought and interests is to be expected.

 

[Progster]

I'm also an ESL teacher living in another country, so I'm in a similar position to you. Students come and go all the time. I have a very aloof, Mr Spock kind of personality, and I don't form emotional bonds easily with students. I don't feel emotional when they eventually leave and move on, as they all inevitably do. Perhaps I should, perhaps I'm supposed to, but I don't. I feel elation when they have successes in exams, etc, I feel sad or disappointed when they don't do so well, but I don't feel emotional when they leave. I don't think that any of my teachers were attached to me or missed me when I left school. I think, though, that most teachers do become attached to their students and it is normal for teachers to feel this way.

As has been suggested by others, you could keep in touch with them via social media - there's no reason why you shouldn't.

Edit: Actually, I shouldn't be doing this job, I struggle a lot and I feel that I'm not suited to it.

 

[Major Tom]

I'm also an ESL teacher living in another country, so I'm in a similar position to you. Students come and go all the time. I have a very aloof, Mr Spock kind of personality, and I don't form emotional bonds easily with students. I don't feel emotional when they eventually leave and move on, as they all inevitably do. Perhaps I should, perhaps I'm supposed to, but I don't. I feel elation when they have successes in exams, etc, I feel sad or disappointed when they don't do so well, but I don't feel emotional when they leave. I don't think that any of my teachers were attached to me or missed me when I left school. I think, though, that most teachers do become attached to their students and it is normal for teachers to feel this way.

As has been suggested by others, you could keep in touch with them via social media - there's no reason why you shouldn't.

Edit: Actually, I shouldn't be doing this job, I struggle a lot and I feel that I'm not suited to it.

I am usually very aloof as well with most students, these ones were just special because of how long I've known them and how much they have grown as human beings.

I don't do social media, so email will have to suffice.

Thanks for your input as usual

 

[Kevin1968]

Hi Major Tom,

Sorry to hear you had a tough day.

I've been in similar situations where the eyes leaked and can remember at least two occasions I've fought back tears when I've changed jobs either by choice or otherwise.

However unfortunately besides letting you know you aren't alone in loosing control sometimes, I can't offer any comfort as I have this gift/curse where I only temporarily miss people. If they aren't in recent contact it's almost as if I forget them.

It's strange too, events I expect to lead to tears often don't, and other event's I can loose total control. I think with me it's like a reservoir above a dam, there can be torrential rain and it won't overflow, then a small shower overloads everything and the dam collapses.