School behaviour

[treacle99]

Hi my son has autism. He has just started secondary school and is struggling a lot. Yesterday I noticed on the online app that he had been given a negative behaviour point and a detention. The reason given was 'truancy'! I was alarmed so I rang the school and they explained that my son had got distressed and ran out his class, out of reception and in to the playground where he stayed for around ten mins until he was feeling calm enough to go back inside. I was a little annoyed that they had labelled this truancy when he was clearly distressed. (He has 100% attendance so far but has been needing to leave lessons sometimes). I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive here over the wording but it doesn't seem right?? Looking for opinions.



Anyway today I notice he has been given another negative behaviour point. This time the reason given is 'abuse of staff'. Again this sounds very alarming. I am going to ring them tomorrow to find out what they mean. But I was wondering what kinds of things do you think abuse of staff includes? At primary school my son would on sometimes get distressed cry, shout, threaten to leave, run off. At the very very worst he has shouted at the teacher to shut up when he is totally overwhelmed. I have never heard him swear and threaten to hurt anyone. I am upset if my son has done something worse and abused staff, that is not acceptable and I will be speaking to my son. However, I'll also be upset if the teachers are accusing my son of abuse (as well as being a truant) when he is clearly overwhelmed and if its something minor.

I will be ringing the school tomorrow to find out what exactly has happened. I would have thought if it was something serious they would have already called me today but they didn't.

I know it's a bit of a strange question but what do you think is classed as abuse of staff? If he has for example, told the teacher to shut up in the context of him crying and being upset is this counted as abuse? I just want to be able to defend him if needs be as the term sound harsh (but likewise I don't condone abuse so if it's something serious I'll be making it clear to my son it's unacceptable).

 

[Rodafina]

I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive here over the wording but it doesn't seem right?? Looking for opinions.

Truancy does not seem like a good word for the behavior that you described. My opinion is that this label is problematic.

It sounds like perhaps the school your child attends has a limited array of infractions for which the children can get these negative points. Maybe they are just trying to fit his unique behavior into these categories that are not exactly fitting.

I think it’s very good that you are involved and following up with the school. It doesn’t seem right to be labeling your child’s behaviors in such serious ways. Especially considering that discipline will likely not cause him to reduce his behaviors. It sounds like he needs more support and understanding in the classroom.

There is nothing easy about being a parent and making sure that your child’s experience at school is nurturing and wholesome. I wish you luck and logic and strength as you navigate this.

 

[Judge]

Anyway today I notice he has been given another negative behaviour point. This time the reason given is 'abuse of staff'. Again this sounds very alarming. I am going to ring them tomorrow to find out what they mean. But I was wondering what kinds of things do you think abuse of staff includes?

It's a legal term with definitions that may vary from one jurisdiction to another. I'd think for any education administrator using such a term means serious business, particularly being mindful of their potential liability.

https://www.lawinsider.com/clause/abuse-of-staff

 

[MildredHubble]

The school should have a detailed written policy on what counts as an infraction.

I think this needs to be discussed with the school. As @Rodafina said, if his actual actions are completely different to what goes on the record, that could have implications.

It's like this, if apples were illegal, and your son was witnessed eating an orange, it would not be right to record that he'd eaten an apple because the witness had no concept of oranges, but deemed them superficially similar enough to count as apples.

Definitely have a calm but frank conversation about your son and his need to handle certain situations differently. When kids start secondary school, teachers like to play a game to scare would be delinquent kids from acting up. So the threshold for "unacceptable behaviour" is set very low.

The teachers may not understand the difference between your son's behaviour and bad behaviour and are likely stretching the definition, to make his actions "fit the transgression".

From my own personal experience as a kid, the distress and bullying that came along with being singled out for being different to others and struggling to manage my reactions to unpleasant situations, was traumatic and damaged my self esteem. It created a vicious cycle.

So it's best to find out what is going on and nip any problems in the bud.

Good luck!

 

[Forest Cat]

I think it sounds crazy that we now have apps where the kids are given 'behaviour points'.

 

[MildredHubble]

I think it sounds crazy that we now have apps where the kids are given 'behaviour points'.

I agree! Sounds like the social credit system in China. I think it's a bit of a worrying thing to condition kids into accepting. You might have an entire generation of people who will accept similar behaviour from their government. It seems rather Orwellian to me

 

[Shamar]

Hi my son has autism. He has just started secondary school and is struggling a lot. Yesterday I noticed on the online app that he had been given a negative behaviour point and a detention. The reason given was 'truancy'! I was alarmed so I rang the school and they explained that my son had got distressed and ran out his class, out of reception and in to the playground where he stayed for around ten mins until he was feeling calm enough to go back inside. I was a little annoyed that they had labelled this truancy when he was clearly distressed. (He has 100% attendance so far but has been needing to leave lessons sometimes). I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive here over the wording but it doesn't seem right?? Looking for opinions.



Anyway today I notice he has been given another negative behaviour point. This time the reason given is 'abuse of staff'. Again this sounds very alarming. I am going to ring them tomorrow to find out what they mean. But I was wondering what kinds of things do you think abuse of staff includes? At primary school my son would on sometimes get distressed cry, shout, threaten to leave, run off. At the very very worst he has shouted at the teacher to shut up when he is totally overwhelmed. I have never heard him swear and threaten to hurt anyone. I am upset if my son has done something worse and abused staff, that is not acceptable and I will be speaking to my son. However, I'll also be upset if the teachers are accusing my son of abuse (as well as being a truant) when he is clearly overwhelmed and if its something minor.

I will be ringing the school tomorrow to find out what exactly has happened. I would have thought if it was something serious they would have already called me today but they didn't.

I know it's a bit of a strange question but what do you think is classed as abuse of staff? If he has for example, told the teacher to shut up in the context of him crying and being upset is this counted as abuse? I just want to be able to defend him if needs be as the term sound harsh (but likewise I don't condone abuse so if it's something serious I'll be making it clear to my son it's unacceptable).

Bureaucracies will do ANYTHING to avoid making a decision. This is another example.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

His behavior is normal. In school, would get overwhelmed, or sometimes teased, and I would go to the library, out on the field, or even hide in the bathroom, sometimes. There was this big pipe that was for diverting flash flood runoff, and that was a good place to hide too.

Even now, I flee to the hills, and into the forest, when I am afraid. I stay there until my soul settles again.

It's normal. It's not misbehavior. It's self care.

Perhaps you can excite your child by showing him books and videos about people who have completed The Pacific Crest Trail. Mountaineers. Alaskan Homesteaders. People who have circumnavigated the globe by themselves. There's a nineteen year old doing it right now, in just a little sailboat.

 

[TBRS1]

If you are in the U.S., please call the school and request a 504 meeting, and be sure to use the phrase "my child needs accommodations."

A 504 is a mandated legal device schools must use to formalize and track a child's special needs, and ensure that staff is legally aware of, and adhering to, a specific accommodation plan.

The school is legally obligated to meet a child's special needs under the Americans With Disabilities Act. As soon as you say "my child needs accommodations," you've triggered the ADA and school officials will most likely want to make you very happy.

Note: You may have to have an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting first - an IEP does much the same thing.

Think about the accommodations your child needs before you go in - for example, in the school I worked in, students who might need to suddenly leave class (for many reasons ranging from panic disorder to intestinal problems) are given a special pass. The student shows it to the teacher, the teacher notes it (but has NO authority to refuse it), and the students goes to a designated and supervised place (maybe an office, or a spot in the school library).

 

[paloftoon]

"abuse of staff" to me would make me think that someone was being physical to someone else or using a tool or weapon to be physical to a staff person.
With the link that Judge provided, it looks like emotional abuse can be considered too- but most likely it would be a documented pattern in that case.

This is a hard one. Context is important. Also, consider the resources and staff available that your school has to work with. What is reasonable given the current circumstances?

 

[tazz]

Hi my son has autism. He has just started secondary school and is struggling a lot. Yesterday I noticed on the online app that he had been given a negative behaviour point and a detention. The reason given was 'truancy'! I was alarmed so I rang the school and they explained that my son had got distressed and ran out his class, out of reception and in to the playground where he stayed for around ten mins until he was feeling calm enough to go back inside. I was a little annoyed that they had labelled this truancy when he was clearly distressed. (He has 100% attendance so far but has been needing to leave lessons sometimes). I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive here over the wording but it doesn't seem right?? Looking for opinions.



Anyway today I notice he has been given another negative behaviour point. This time the reason given is 'abuse of staff'. Again this sounds very alarming. I am going to ring them tomorrow to find out what they mean. But I was wondering what kinds of things do you think abuse of staff includes? At primary school my son would on sometimes get distressed cry, shout, threaten to leave, run off. At the very very worst he has shouted at the teacher to shut up when he is totally overwhelmed. I have never heard him swear and threaten to hurt anyone. I am upset if my son has done something worse and abused staff, that is not acceptable and I will be speaking to my son. However, I'll also be upset if the teachers are accusing my son of abuse (as well as being a truant) when he is clearly overwhelmed and if its something minor.

I will be ringing the school tomorrow to find out what exactly has happened. I would have thought if it was something serious they would have already called me today but they didn't.

I know it's a bit of a strange question but what do you think is classed as abuse of staff? If he has for example, told the teacher to shut up in the context of him crying and being upset is this counted as abuse? I just want to be able to defend him if needs be as the term sound harsh (but likewise I don't condone abuse so if it's something serious I'll be making it clear to my son it's unacceptable).

I feel for you and your son. I went through all this regularly when I was in school. Now as an adult I've been diagnosed autistic I see it clearly. I'd get overwhelmed, run out of class, and that got me in trouble. So then I stayed in class and cried and now I'm "disruptive". When the teacher tried to teach a class in one of my special interests, and I corrected them when they said something wrong or too vague... that got me in trouble too - and sometimes labelled as disrespectful of staff. When I already knew the topic being taught and I looked bored - I'm not paying attention and disrespectful. When I started getting too overwhelmed to speak - I'm stubborn and disrespectful of authority. When I didn't understand the task, and asked the teacher to repeat it, and then I still didn't understand and asked her to try again, and again, apparently I'm just not trying hard enough. When I understand the task and really like it and get hyperfocused on it, and do it really well - apparently that's not good either, because "he only makes an effort when it suits him"!!!!

From what you've described I suspect something similar is going on. I mean, running out of class to calm down is not truancy. I would have thought they have a legal responsibility to respect your child's condition. If they are going to put truancy in the record for that, then "abuse of staff" could be anything.

I had sorta hoped these days kids don't have to go through this.

 

[paloftoon]

I feel for you and your son. I went through all this regularly when I was in school. Now as an adult I've been diagnosed autistic I see it clearly. I'd get overwhelmed, run out of class, and that got me in trouble. So then I stayed in class and cried and now I'm "disruptive". When the teacher tried to teach a class in one of my special interests, and I corrected them when they said something wrong or too vague... that got me in trouble too - and sometimes labelled as disrespectful of staff. When I already knew the topic being taught and I looked bored - I'm not paying attention and disrespectful. When I started getting too overwhelmed to speak - I'm stubborn and disrespectful of authority. When I didn't understand the task, and asked the teacher to repeat it, and then I still didn't understand and asked her to try again, and again, apparently I'm just not trying hard enough. When I understand the task and really like it and get hyperfocused on it, and do it really well - apparently that's not good either, because "he only makes an effort when it suits him"!!!!

From what you've described I suspect something similar is going on. I mean, running out of class to calm down is not truancy. I would have thought they have a legal responsibility to respect your child's condition. If they are going to put truancy in the record for that, then "abuse of staff" could be anything.

I had sorta hoped these days kids don't have to go through this.

That's rough. May want to consider looking at cyber schools if you have children that have the same kind of tendencies you did.

 

[tazz]

I feel for you and your son. I went through all this regularly when I was in school. Now as an adult I've been diagnosed autistic I see it clearly. I'd get overwhelmed, run out of class, and that got me in trouble. So then I stayed in class and cried and now I'm "disruptive". When the teacher tried to teach a class in one of my special interests, and I corrected them when they said something wrong or too vague... that got me in trouble too - and sometimes labelled as disrespectful of staff. When I already knew the topic being taught and I looked bored - I'm not paying attention and disrespectful. When I started getting too overwhelmed to speak - I'm stubborn and disrespectful of authority. When I didn't understand the task, and asked the teacher to repeat it, and then I still didn't understand and asked her to try again, and again, apparently I'm just not trying hard enough. When I understand the task and really like it and get hyperfocused on it, and do it really well - apparently that's not good either, because "he only makes an effort when it suits him"!!!!

From what you've described I suspect something similar is going on. I mean, running out of class to calm down is not truancy. I would have thought they have a legal responsibility to respect your child's condition. If they are going to put truancy in the record for that, then "abuse of staff" could be anything.

I had sorta hoped these days kids don't have to go through this.

It occurs to me that this post was quite negative. It was a difficult time for sure. But on a positive note I did emerge from school with good critical thinking skills and a healthy sense of self-reliance. Also, to some extent a drive to achieve something even when people told me it was impossible or ridiculous. In later life these were useful qualities.

 

[tazz]

today I notice he has been given another negative behaviour point. This time the reason given is 'abuse of staff'. Again this sounds very alarming. I am going to ring them tomorrow to find out what they mean

I'm wondering what the outcome was and hoping it was positive. Don't feel you have to share, of course.