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School Dances

Simply a Bibliophile

Simply a Bibliophile

Well-Known Member
Last night I went to one of my school's three annual dances.

Big mistake. I spent the entire time checking my watch, wanting desperately to leave so that I could go home and read. There were too many people, there was too much talking, I felt so utterly exposed and overstimulated. *shudder* When I finally got picked up my father said that I had an "oversocialized" face on, which surprised me because I didn't know there was such a thing. I don't think that's an experience I ever want to replicate if I don't get railroaded into it.

Similar problems, stories, anyone?
 
Yes I have such issues when being in school. After the first time on the dance party (I was 12 years old) I felt like drunk, extremely anxious and my head was empty. Although didn't danced this time (as I can't) I felt like I danced several hours - very tired. That time I think that I simply don't like the noisy crowd and loud music - today I know that this was the sensory overload. This is the main cause why I still avoid such parties and similar noisy places.
 
That was a blast from the past! I remember those dances: all high schools had them. Many times, I'd find some excuse not to go. At the time, I'd never heard of sensory overload, but I knew that the noise,all those different perfume smells, all the flashing lights, people colliding with me & wanting to chat (more like scream over the blaring music!) was all too much for me. I'd try to find a corner to vanish into but surely enough, there'd be 5 or 6 people milling about talking. There was no escape! Then came the agonizing slow dances where we were expected to hang onto some guy & walk in a slow circle. If the guy was someone I didn't like, I felt like I had to say 'yes' & dance with him so as not to humiliate him or draw unwanted attention. The last slow dance, back in those days was Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven: a great song to listen to BUT almost 8 minutes of torture when some teenage boy I hardly knew, smelling of after-shave & marijuana, had his paws on me & kept trying to move them to places I didn't want them to go.

Now that I'm grown up & married, the only paws I ever feel on me (besides the 2 dogs' & 1 cat's) are those of my husband & since neither of us are club or party hoppers, we never have to turn round & round in agonizingly slow circles under flashing lights until we both get vertigo!
 
I never went to any, but I still had a problem with them since people would give me an unbelievable amount of crap about it because I chose not to go, almost like they were personally offended by that or something. I generally had a pretty miserable time in school, so spending one more second than I was required to around people who made me miserable was...not an appealing option for me. I remember one time that people really started giving me a hard time because I didn't go to this one big dance, their reaction was something like "What's wrong with you? Even one of the severely unpopular kids went! He didn't look like he was having a good time, but he still went!" I don't really understand why these people were so bothered by my absence at this dance since it wasn't like they liked me or anything (were they disappointed because they wanted to dump a bucket of pig's blood on me Carrie-style or something?) and my reaction now would be something like "If you're going to be like this with me when I don't go to your social events, why would I want to go to them in the first place?" :mad: Thankfully, I went to a bigger school for Grades 10-12 where the environment was a little different and I was left alone a bit more, but stuff like that would still come up every once in a while.

Did anyone else ever have that problem or did I just go to a school with unusually mean kids?
 
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Never liked dances either.

I always found them boring, nerve racking and too much mingling. And after a while the noise would get me.

I try to avoid them now. It's just not fun to me and too nervous.

My friend is trying to get me to go to a club. I agreed to it but I don't know how that going to work out. I'll have to post about it after I go eventually.
 
I'm in high school now, and knowing my sensory issues, I avoid dances like the plague. People keep saying I should go to them, but they don't know how miserable I would be. However, earlier his year, my newspaper class had to work the dance, so I was forced to go. The teacher was nice and let me sit in the lobby, but I had to go in there once, and even though it was only for a minute, my ears were about to burst. There were so many people and the music was deafening. It only reinforced my promise to myself that I would never, ever voluntarily attend a school dance.
 
The last time I went to a school dance was in Year 6 in primary school. I didn't go to any in high school, didn't attend prom or any of the 6th form parties. It's not my cup of tea really; too loud and too many people for my liking. And anyway, I had homework. ;)
 
I found a fairly clever way of getting out of the dance held at summer camp. Everyone had speeches on education reform that we were giving two days later, and I managed to hide out in the back and get mine finished. Several other kids hopped on the bandwagon.
 
I never went to any, but i didnt have any friends and even if someone ask me to go, I probably would have thought they were making fun of me. I also wouldn't have had anything nice to wear. I think if my mom had tried to make me go, I probably would have brought a book and hid in the bathroom.
 
I went to only one school disco... 27 years ago!! 1985. Dont really remember it, except I was a fish out of water. It put me off that sort of thing for life! :D I was 12! I used to go to a chess club every lunchtime, which was my way of escaping everyone! Not prime disco material! :dance:
 
Just yesterday, I tried to go to a late-night dance at the Missouri Thespian Conference, which I just got back from. If I stayed on the outer perimeter of the room, I could borderline tolerate it, but if I tried going toward the center of the room, where the most action was, the music would be so loud and cause me physical pain. I later learned some actors from a play we just saw were there, and I really wanted to talk to them. It just makes me mad that everybody else can go there and have fun and make friends, while even if I give it my best effort, I can't possibly participate in the fun.
 
Only went to three when I was in high school, and never sober! I remember being at one, and a girl asked me why I was making the face I was (she impersonated it) -- I had my normal, blank expression on, I guess, and to other people, it looks like I'm mad or serious or something. I don't remember what I said to her, but I'm pretty sure that was the last dance I went to. Now that I understand Asperger's, it all makes a lot of sense.

I try to avoid parties wherever I can now. That's a nice thing about getting older--far fewer dance, club & bar nights in my life!
 
Never was asked to any. Never went to any. Back then (1970's) girls absolutely DID NOT ask guys to a dance, if you did, that was social suicide. Even I in my Asperger's fog, knew that. Would I have enjoyed it? Don't know. Now that I am older, and reading others' descriptions, maybe not. It would have been one more thing for people to make fun of me over. So I guess I am glad I was spared that additional humiliation. Still, there is a kind of sadness when I hear others talk about dances and proms, like maybe I was missing out on an important rite of passage.

Later on, I did go to a few parties and events where there was dancing and I invariably spent the evening sitting alone at my table. After an hour or two of this I would leave. Next day someone would come up to me and ask me why I left so early, that they were "going to" ask me to dance but I had gone. Well, if you were "going to", why did you wait so long? Why didn't you ask me right away?

Every year my workplace puts on an annual dinner/dance which is black tie. I go for the dinner but don't stay much after that unless I really like listening to the band. Last year was the first year I didn't go because I was performing that night at the community theater. I find that much more rewarding anyway.
 
I went to all 4 high school dance/proms and loved it! Mind you my school was a small aspie friendly school. I asked my future bride to the prom but she
took me out on our first date to see The Princess Bride. I could not dance to save my life but thank god for slow dances!
 
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