We all know that we’re on the spectrum, and there are probably other people we know who also know that. But there are probably other people we know who we keep it a secret from in order to protect ourselves – from ableism, rejection, mistreatment, or maybe even embarrassment. We probably have certain tactics we use to keep people from finding out. At the program for people with learning disabilities that I attend events at, they sometimes take group pictures of the participants to put on Instagram. But I avoid being in those pictures. It’s partly because I’m camera shy, but mainly because I wouldn’t want the wrong people to see them. Sometimes I host virtual games with friends, and I invite both friends on the spectrum and neurotypical friends who don’t know. Beforehand I’ve told my spectrum friends that there will be NT’s there and ask them not to say where we know each other from. When some program I’m part of and going on a trip or outing, if people who don’t know I’m part of them ask what my plans are, I’ll tell them truthfully what place we’re going to, but I’ll say I’m going with friends (which isn’t a total lie).
My speech therapist and I recently talked about this, and she suggested that even though I intend no harm by my actions, I might actually be hurting people’s feelings by refusing to have my picture taken, or making them feel rejected by asking them not to mention the programs. She says I should think about my friends and not just about myself. It’s possible that some of my friends are actually proud of being autistic and feel like they have nothing to hide. Some may also have been in such programs all their lives that they don’t see them as stigmatizing or infantilizing. Certainly I do want to consider my friends’ feelings, but having been through lots of hardships throughout my life, I’m often inclined to play it safe and avoid conflict when I can.
Any thoughts?
My speech therapist and I recently talked about this, and she suggested that even though I intend no harm by my actions, I might actually be hurting people’s feelings by refusing to have my picture taken, or making them feel rejected by asking them not to mention the programs. She says I should think about my friends and not just about myself. It’s possible that some of my friends are actually proud of being autistic and feel like they have nothing to hide. Some may also have been in such programs all their lives that they don’t see them as stigmatizing or infantilizing. Certainly I do want to consider my friends’ feelings, but having been through lots of hardships throughout my life, I’m often inclined to play it safe and avoid conflict when I can.
Any thoughts?