Self Diagnosed Asperger- Lena

[Lena]

I apologize in advance for my grammatical errors for I am quite nervous.
I guess I need to answer the question of why I'm here ,how I got here and the several questions that I need answers for.

Yesterday I took 3 different As/Aq test and fit the traits and characteristics of a female with Aspegers, I am 50/50 neurodiverse and neurotypical though so I'm confused on that one!?
I am also currently in a relationship with someone who has a child with a low level functioning of Autisim, which lead me to my self diagnosis and research.
I started reading up on the topic to more understand his son... I now know I have some traits more noticeable than others, as well as my fiancee.
Now How to approach my fiancee about him possibly being on the autistic scale -i know he would never accept especially when he is still in denial about his son. By the way, his son and him have to be separated sometimes... my fiance explodes too easily on his sons behavior because of his lack of control....
I am pregnant and concerned with the possibility of our child being on the spectrum since it's genetic. Even if she or he is I would love them, just as I love my fiance's son. But my fiance still has difficulty accepting his own sons behavior. They both get frustrated easily at each other and I have to remind my Fiance not to focus so much on his behavior and more on what's causing it.
I do have the ability to step into someone's shoes and maybe because my neuro typical half, my fiance on the other hand, thinks that everyone thinks like him or should.
So here are my questions, I have neurotypical qualities and neurodiverse qualities - is that possible to be considered on the autistic scale? My score was 50/50.... Second question... how can I bring up a topic of Aspegers to some one ( ok my Fiance) who has not been diagnosed and would freak out on me or shut me down for mentioning it. Thirdly, what's my probability of my child being on the low spectrum? And last but probably not least, how to cope with a family who has different degrees of Autisim, and how to destress yourself from it when you yourself are on the spectrum.

 

[Judge]

Welcome to AC, Lena.

Unfortunately given the stakes of your inquiry, I feel obligated to logically tell you that you cannot rely on the results of the AQ test alone. There's so much more to this to tie it all together to confirm whether one is on the spectrum or not. And if you're in the USA you have to consider the DSM-V's criteria for diagnosis. It's very strict and IMO designed to deny people entitlements in conjunction with the "Affordable" Care Act.

In the meantime though, if you're willing to take the time, go deeply into this website and you can find many other tests to take, as well as get an idea of our traits and behaviors, and whether or not you truly relate to them. And also to determine if you have other conditions that seem to correlate to autism...what are called comorbid conditions...such as ADHD, OCD, etc.

I'm self-diagnosed and consider myself very high functioning...but my test scores, traits and behaviors in general along with my comorbids make me feel like I'm a "poster child" for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

 

[Lena]

Welcome to AC, Lena.

Unfortunately given the stakes of your inquiry, I feel obligated to logically tell you that you cannot rely on the results of the AQ test alone. There's so much more to this to tie it all together to confirm whether one is on the spectrum or not. And if you're in the USA you have to consider the DSM-V's criteria for diagnosis. It's very strict and IMO designed to deny people entitlements in conjunction with the "Affordable" Care Act.

In the meantime though, if you're willing to take the time, go deeply into this website and you can find many other tests to take, as well as get an idea of our traits and behaviors, and whether or not you truly relate to them. And also to determine if you have other conditions that seem to correlate to autism...what are called comorbid conditions...such as ADHD, OCD, etc.

Welcome to AC, Lena.

Unfortunately given the stakes of your inquiry, I feel obligated to logically tell you that you cannot rely on the results of the AQ test alone. There's so much more to this to tie it all together to confirm whether one is on the spectrum or not. And if you're in the USA you have to consider the DSM-V's criteria for diagnosis. It's very strict and IMO designed to deny people entitlements in conjunction with the "Affordable" Care Act.

In the meantime though, if you're willing to take the time, go deeply into this website and you can find many other tests to take, as well as get an idea of our traits and behaviors, and whether or not you truly relate to them. And also to determine if you have other conditions that seem to correlate to autism...what are called comorbid conditions...such as ADHD, OCD, etc.

Yes I have explored a bit of this site and I do find that I obtain some qualities for Aspegers but I was officially diagnosed with bipolar type 2 which I think was a mistake....

 

[Judge]

Yes I have explored a bit of this site and I do find that I obtain some qualities for Aspegers but I was officially diagnosed with bipolar type 2 which I think was a mistake....

True, there are other conditions that can overlap with Autism Spectrum Disorder and confuse a potential diagnosis. It's all quite complex...with no guarantees that medical professionals get it right.

I really believe that one's best "benchmark" for determining their own autism is to spend a lot of time with other people on the spectrum. Get a real feel for how common your traits and behaviors may or may not be to others.

 

[Lena]

Yes complex indeed quite like myself and my new family.
I do have some very important questions listed and maybe the introduction would be too much for... but my biggest delima is with my partner - dealing with him and his son.

 

[Judge]

Yes complex indeed quite like myself and my new family.
I do have some very important questions listed and maybe the introduction would be too much for... but my biggest delima is with my partner - dealing with him and his son.

Denial of one's autism is pretty daunting. Especially from the perspective of a significant other. We've had a few NTs post here about such dilemmas. Ultimately for one to progress with autism, self-awareness is critical. Something one is most apt to accomplish entirely on their own. But just getting "the ball moving" can be a real challenge for any loved one.

I figured it all out on my own, but went through my own degree of denial as well. It's not a linear process. Lots of potholes and frustration before you can logically say, "Yeah, I'm on the spectrum of autism". Not mention that society stigmatizes so much relative to mental health and neurodiversity. The 98% majority doesn't make it easy for us.

 

[Tom]

Hi & welcome.

 

[Cali Cat]

Welcome, Lena, and thank you for your insight on my thread earlier.

I am self-diagnosed, but have explored enough material and interacted with enough Aspies (both here and IRL) that I am quite confident about being on the spectrum at a high level of functioning. I even have an OCD comorbid condition, and possibly ADD. I say ADD and not ADHD because I don't have the physical hyperactivity, but I do have mental hyperactivity.

I agree with Judge that you will find answers to some of your questions about your own status on the spectrum by researching the traits of AS and giving yourself an honest evaluation in relation to them. Don't forget to explore your past as a child to see if you met more criteria at that time. I find I've grown and learned how to adapt as an adult; but, as a child, it was much more obvious that I was not average. I was very different from my peers, and quite often deemed "odd" or "weird," but had a high IQ and had learning abilities that were superior to other students in my grade. Some unusual things like that can point you in the proper direction.

As for your other questions, I can't say what your chances would be for having a child with low level functioning autism, but perhaps it might be a good idea to explore that with your doctor.

I don't know what strategies would be useful to cope with your fiance's family, but it seems to me that you (if you are on the spectrum) would need regular alone time in order to de-stress. If you don't have your own space where you live, perhaps going to a quiet place for tea, or to the library to read a book. Something to get away from the need to be "on-call."

Your fiance seems a bit close-minded, which could definitely be an indicator of AS. Some of us can be very obstinate. I would probably write out my concerns in a very well thought out letter and give it to him to read. This approach might upset him less if he feels like he doesn't have to respond to it. If he's very stubborn and hasn't come to grips with autism in the family yet, then any direct questioning on the subject will probably lead to confrontation on some level. Just my 2-cents worth. I have a problem with communication in relationships anyway, and I often resort to letters and email to get my feelings across.

Hope you enjoy the forum!