Self Doubt & Avoidance. Need to Fix this

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My ex-girlfriend and I were trying to sell things online and at antique store. Mostly it was my job, but I relied on her a lot, especially about organizing. Long story short I ended up with disastrously messy apartment from throwing things in here fast and storage units and was in over my head. I've been progressively going downhill

I haven't known what was going on with me where I can't organize and just do small things like others. And why I have so much difficulty organizing my day and staying on task without getting distracted. I didn't know what to do

But since finding this forum, my head has become a lot clearer about what has been going on with me and what I need to do. I got a lot of tips on learning to manage anxiety and so on. But I found this forum after I was already in financial disaster with addictions to bad habits and so on

So I know kind of what to do now and have some idea what to do when I start cracking up, but I still just have to do it

My general idea is to have on good 10 minute span, then one good 30 minute span, then one good hour and so on where I am not just pacing around freaking out and not getting anything done. Then eventually I'll just be working normal days and so on like other people

But what's in front of me is actually hard at this point. So I want to just pretend that it doesn't exist and ignore it

But I am trying to fix this now. I don't think I am going to get much better input anywhere than I have got on this forum in a short time. So I really have no excuses to not at least try. So I'm trying to stay focused on trying, then if I fail, I can at least say that I tried

I'm really completely isolated right now, even my phone is turned off. I guess that's why I am sharing here. Just kind of wondering if anyone can relate or give input

I really think that if I try and I like myself for trying, no matter what happens I will feel better about myself in the end.

I kind of also feel like success breeds success, so any successes I can achieve might buoy my confidence to keep trying and not give up

 

[unperson]

Definately give yourself pat on back for even trying, small gains are good, 1 day whatever, if you relapse, just have your relapse then start back up again. Relapses are normal.

 

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Definately give yourself pat on back for even trying, small gains are good, 1 day whatever, if you relapse, just have your relapse then start back up again. Relapses are normal.

Thank you. There are so many problems with having this issue, even if I don't have it exactly or precisely, but I think I do, and it not being diagnosed

Like I have 3 college degrees, so I think I must be able to manage simple organizing tasks, others think I must able to manage simple organizing tasks. My sister seems to just be mad at me for being lazy, my dad, in trying to be supportive, said "you are too smart to let this get the best of you"

But I just can't do these things as easily as others can. I just can't. So I have to scale back my self expectations and ignore expectations of others and just realize that I am the equivalent of a 90 pound weakling on things like this and if I can get to being a 110 pound weakling with bodybuilding, that this is a massive improvement. Then, maybe I can even get to being the equivalent of a 130 lb massively muscular skinny little guy, who can actually kick some big guys asses. Or something like this. But if I start as a 90 lb weakling, comparing myself to 240 lb bodybuilders, without setting reasonable goals, I might not even go to the gym