Self-employed for 13 years coming to an end?

[Aspea]

Hi everyone,

I joined this forum today mainly because I'm struggling with my income situation and am seeking advice. I am a mid 30s female feeling displaced.

Love STEM fields, love math. Love science. Always have. Geek at heart. With one exception: hate coding/programming.

I went to college many years ago for Engineering but was not able to finish the 4-year degree; as soon as I transferred from the small college to the big university, I was immediately overwhelmed and more stressed than ever before in my life, dropped out, and never pursued it again. It was quite devastating because at that time I had put my entire identity and all my dreams and hopes into becoming an engineer; it had been a life goal and dream since age 14.

So I started out working at age 20 in various temp jobs, then got a full-time permanent position, but that only lasted 1 year and I was fired due to a set-up in which I was informed that if I declined their attempted change to my job description that would be ok with them; then they fired me immediately for declining their attempted change to my job description. Looking back, I'm amazed I lasted that long, given my extreme lack of social skills.

Well, after that I decided to work for myself and I created a company. That company fizzled out after a few years due to changes in the market conditions, and then I created another company doing something different. Now, that company is also fizzling out, once again due to changing market conditions. I do not at this time see another viable opportunity to create a third company.

So, for the past 13 years, I have been working very happily for myself, and now that is ending. I'm not sure what to do next; I'm not sure if I'm employable working for someone else due to my limitations. What should I do?

I've thought many times about going back to school, all these years later, to get some kind of degree. But since I was displaced early, and never established myself into the "work force," I'm not really sure if that is possible now, in my mid 30s. And I feel very down about it all, since I have watched, from my happy perch of social isolation working for myself, over the past 13+ years as more and more jobs get shipped overseas.

What kind of job security could I expect, as a new entrant into the work force? Job security is among the top 3 most important factors for me. But it doesn't look like there's much of that out there. Or am I missing something?

Also, since I've never really had to develop the social skills required to navigate the complex, ever-evolving, minefield-ridden social landscape of the "work place," I fear that I would get fired pretty fast.

What would you do if you were me?

Any advice appreciated; thank you everyone! Hope this wasn't too long.

 

[Unclewolverine]

Make sure you don't rush into anything that doesn't work for you. I spent 13 years at a place that was toxic to NT's, it gave me severe depression and was compounded by the fact it was before my diagnosis. Look at your strengths and interests and look for something that compliments those with limited contact. For me, being a rural carrier at the post office is working pretty good. I'm only in the office for about an hour in the morning then it's just me, my jeep and the mail for the rest of the day. Good luck!

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

What field were you working in? Maybe we can brainstorm what kinds of jobs would work for you.

 

[Aspea]

Online retail sales in one business, and repair technician in another. Always enjoyed working with electronics and computers. I have done and enjoy soldering. I actually had kind of a lab at one point. Also created and managed ecommerce websites, but not proficient in coding or CSS/HTML, so hired some outside help as needed. Love the thought of working in a lab again, but not in a healthcare setting; I can't do blood/fluids/etc.

 

[Trophonius]

How good are you at designing websites?

I can code, and I'm developing a small website to use as portfolio for web-development projects. Maybe we could do something. I certainly cannot promise this will take off, I'm as lost as you are.

If were you, I would look for ways to feel more comfortable socially. In fact, I have the same issue: never developed the required social skills, and now they are a must; in order to do that I decided to go to therapy for this issue. I wouldn't advice therapy to you right now, but some ideas I got while I was there: find volunteering opportunities to get experience in other fields (there are many websites, I think catchafire.org my be useful to you), find some cheap online certifications in different technologies or skills (using sites like coursera, it's better than nothing), if you don't have social skills you need to practice, then look for networking opportunities (I use meetup.com, you might find it useful).

You can get a temporary job that doesn't give you much stress while you find more solid ground. There are some remote opportunities for content creators (like social media managing), here for example — I applied and never got an answer, but you will have much better luck!

 

[VictorR]

There's a lot of shorter certificate type programs if you're looking to jump into a field.

And if you do decide to go back to school for a degree, keep in mind that some colleges and universities will permit evaluation of applied skills you've learned from your work, including self employment, for course credit or waivers.

Something you may wish to consider is going into a trade where the hiring is done through a union hiring hall, where seniority, skill set, and availability are the only considerations - so you put your name on a list and wait to be called to / assigned out to a job. The longer you're there, the more options for placements you may have. I've seen apprentices in the 60s, so it's definitely a way to get around various types of discrimination that can arise in traditional type job searches.

 

[Aspea]

How good are you at designing websites?

I am just ok or perhaps below average because I can design a pretty good-looking website that does what it needs to do, but I know a web designer and I outsource the CSS to her every time so that the final product looks professional.

I can code, and I'm developing a small website to use as portfolio for web-development projects. Maybe we could do something. I certainly cannot promise this will take off, I'm as lost as you are.

I've thought about that, but I have doubts as to how valuable my skills are in that area, since I don't do programming or CSS work. You sure sound like your skills are way above mine regarding web development. Can you message me your skills? We can compare notes.

However, one of the most valuable lessons I've learned about job ads and job descriptions is this: do not ever interpret them literally. Gosh I wish I knew this in my 20s; I passed over applying to so many jobs because I read them literally. The fact is, the employer may claim that 10 specific skills are required, along with 3-5 years experience, but they do not literally mean that. This is just a wish list, and the employer will take what is available to them.

If were you, I would look for ways to feel more comfortable socially. In fact, I have the same issue: never developed the required social skills, and now they are a must; in order to do that I decided to go to therapy for this issue.

Well, here's the rub. I was homeschooled (strike 1) by a mother who is likely on the spectrum herself (strike 2). Dad was and is very low on the emotional intelligence as well (strike 3), making for a very socially awkward family environment, so I didn't grow up learning social intelligence. Then I get out into college and avoid most social activities there as well; didn't see the point; didn't realize that something called "networking" exists and that it's more important than anything else; learned that when I was in mid-late 20s (strike 4). Then I leave the work force very early for self employment for many years (strike 5). So you can see my whole life has been one big missed opportunity for social and emotional development. Can I really overcome that much deficit? Can I catch up in any meaningful way to my peers?

I did read a bunch of books that helped me in my early 30s by revealing to me, for the first time, that a whole realm of "emotional intelligence" exists; that most people live and communicate in that realm and on that plane; that I had ignored its existence for my whole life; and what the consequences of ignoring it are. It was mind blowing to learn about. So now I know, intellectually, about that realm of existence, but have very little real-world experience with it. And now a-days I read a lot of articles saying how emotional intelligence has become the number 1 skill to succeed in a work place setting. Yikes!

...find some cheap online certifications in different technologies or skills (using sites like coursera, it's better than nothing)

That does sound appealing, especially if I can work pretty much isolated from others.

It is so refreshing to be a part of a forum like this and talk to people who are like me; this is my first time being so open about being on the spectrum. Thanks a lot; I really do appreciate it!

 

[Aspea]

I am seeing this a lot in job ads and I'm wondering how literally I should interpret this (is there wiggle room here?): "Strong verbal and written communication skills required." How firm are they on that verbal part?

 

[VictorR]

Most job ads are aspirational in that it's what the manager wants from their dream candidate. If you've got most of what they're looking for, and you're interested in what's being offered, don't hesitate to apply.

 

[Aspea]

These are waters I've never navigated before. If I ask them to make all communication with me in written form, I wonder what their response would be, and whether this is a reasonable request that can actually be accommodated.

 

[Varzar]

I am seeing this a lot in job ads and I'm wondering how literally I should interpret this (is there wiggle room here?): "Strong verbal and written communication skills required." How firm are they on that verbal part?

I sent you a PM, but I'll just jump in here to answer this part too.
Absolutely there is wiggle room, especially in soft-skills like "communication skills". But even in what would seem like hard requirements, there is wiggle room.
I applied and was interviewed and nearly landed a job that said required a PhD (but they lost their funding), even though I only had a college diploma.
I was interviewed for another similar level job, however I failed the interview. That place really did need someone with a PhD. lol
So, yeah.. Take job ads with a relative grain of salt, especially if the job is something you really really are interested in.

 

[Aspea]

Very good to know; thanks. It seems you just have to apply and see if you're a good fit. A bit of trial and error to the whole thing.

In my job searches I'm seeing some from manufacturing.

I've always been interested in the manufacturing sector, but I know that industry is always finding new ways to push out people, by replacing them with automation and by outsourcing the work to countries with lower labor costs. Over time, the manufacturing sector becomes more productive while needing fewer and fewer people. This has discouraged me from seeking a job in that sector, but it would have been ideal for me, as far as being in the "work place" goes.

So I am left wondering: are there any jobs inside the manufacturing sector that are going to be around for a long time (I'm defining that as more than 10 years)? And if so, what are they? This would be the minimum to be worth investing in a college vocational program for placement into a job in that sector. You want to have time to recoup your investment and then make a profit on it by working in that job, before that job gets eliminated.

 

[paloftoon]

You could probably work for the Geek Squad for Best Buy. You seem to have hardware skills, and that is not something a lot of people have. You might need to tell them beforehand about your extremities with customer service and how you only want to be doing work on the back end if this applies to you. Or maybe a mom and pop computer repair shop.

Job security isn't quite what it used to be. But at least it seems you will be able to continue to get work to hold you up. A lot of electronics are dependent on chips, and our country doesn't have a lot of resources to make our own chips. We rely too heavily on foreign countries where the relationships with (some of those) countries may be strained. This might be a good field to aim for for you.

A gig economy app like Lyft could be good to hold you up if you love driving and can deal with the people or a delivery app where people dealing with is more minimal.
I can give you a Lyft or Uber referral code if you want. Just PM me.