Self soothing behaviors from childhood to adulthood.

[Mia]

What did you do to self-soothe as a child? Do you do this still?

This is a mix of articles that expand on self-soothing in both NT's and people with autism:

....Early trauma, in infancy, childhood, or even before birth, is believed to influence the programming of the body’s stress activation system (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal or HPA system), making the set point lower than it is for those who do not experience such trauma. The result is that people who have experienced early trauma are more hyper-vigilant and more likely to experience stressful reactions. They are prone to debilitating conditions such as migraines, allergies and chronic pain. Being more reactive to the world in general seems to result from early trauma. Active, purposeful self-soothing would tend to be more difficult for these individuals and also more necessary.
Self-Soothing: Calming the Amygdala


Various psychiatric disorders are associated with dysfunctional patterns in self-soothing and comforting behaviors. For instance, atypical depression and binge eating disorders are linked to emotion-triggered consumption of comfort foods and comforting behaviors such as taking warm showers. Likewise, drug addiction and relapse are association with emotion- and stress-triggered drug taking. Moreover, sleeping problems go together with a lacking ability for experiencing comfort from warmth and low skin temperature. In these and related instances, self-soothing and comforting behaviors may be used in some situations to avoid confrontations with emotional challenges, thus highly impeding successful emotional recovery. However, self-soothing and comforting behaviors can also be observed in emotional coping among well-adjusted individuals, who often respond to emotional distress through social proximity seeking, verbal emotion sharing, seeking social (e.g., a warm touch) or physical warmth (e.g. taking a warm bath), consuming high-caloric comfort foods, listening to soothing music, and “self-medication” of drugs. Emotionally comforting behaviors may thus be a first step in an adaptive process of emotional recovery or active coping, or a way of coping with (subjectively or objectively) uncontrollable stress.

Mechanisms of well-adjusted and disordered self-soothing: From Oxytocin and Thermo-Regulation to Addiction and Emotional Coping

It seems as if everyone has or will have experienced self-soothing disorders, from infancy to adulthood. Why is there stigma attached to certain ways to self-soothe and not to others? Taking a bath versus hand flapping? Both self-soothe and serve the same purpose, reducing stress and anxiety.

 

[Datura]

My main form of self soothing was always pacing and shaking string (or similar objects). It took me out of the world and allowed me to play peacfully in my own mind. It took me a long time and a great deal of effort to quit this habbit as whenever I felt the least bit stressed I would always crave it, and feel so much better once I was happily shaking a dog collar or blade of grass. Sometimes I regret having ever stopped.

I also did other things, like folding the hem of pillow cases and pricking my finger with the resulting corner, over and over again. Or I would completely wrap myself in blankets or sleeping bags and pretend I was pupating, perhaps over a course of millenia.

These days my self soothing habbits are; drinking tea, long showers, spinning things, hugging pillows, playing with my dog, sorting, and going online.

 

[On the Inside]

I have at least three "dysfunctional patterns" of self soothing that I have done as long as I can remember. None of which are at all harmful, but are weird. I have controlled one, playing with my hair, by keeping it cut short.

 

[Dominic]

When i'm feeling stressed I like to shut myself off from the world through listening to music and then I begin to count or work through mathematical formulas. The outside world is full of uncertainties, grey areas and opinions that can be misinterpreted. There is a simple beauty of logic within mathematics that seems to calm me down as its not a matter of opinion but of truth. As an aspie I set ridiculously high goals for myself and most of them I cannot live up to yet its through mathematicas that I can somewhat experience some sense of perfection and harmony.

 

[clg114]

When i'm feeling stressed I like to shut myself off from the world through listening to music and then I begin to count or work through mathematical formulas. The outside world is full of uncertainties, grey areas and opinions that can be misinterpreted. There is a simple beauty of logic within mathematics that seems to calm me down as its not a matter of opinion but of truth. As an aspie I set ridiculously high goals for myself and most of them I cannot live up to yet its through mathematicas that I can somewhat experience some sense of perfection and harmony.

I agree. Math is black and white, no grey areas. It is right or wrong, nothing in between. It is really a beautiful concept and very calming in a turbulent world.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Perhaps the oddest of mine is how as a child i would pick at the skin on my lips almost compulsively if i felt nervous or otherwise mildly upset. To be honest i still do but only when i'm alone in my room. For ages i would spin things in my hands like pens or a ring or fidget with a necklace pendant. I spin a pen around in one hand all the time at work, somehow no one's commented on it yet. Personally i think it probably looks weird. My only normal coping mechanism is listening to music to tune the world out for a bit. I do it religiously every night as well as during lunch break at work.

 

[Shawn D]

As a child, I put my hand against the side of my face and rubbed my nose with the side of my ring finger.
I also bit my nails, but stopped doing that in late elementary school.
As a teenager, I cut my arms, cracked my knuckles, and bit the inside of my mouth and still do. My less destructive self-soothing methods were listening to my favorite music over and over again, watching the same movie over and over again, and reading the same books over and over again.
Today, I take warm baths, eat chocolate, swing (my husband and I built a platform swing in our house for our special needs daughter's therapy, but I really love swinging on it and I do it with her), bounce on an exercise ball (same as the swing; I bounce with my daughter), and I do flap my arms when excited.

 

[gonzerd]

I did quite a lot of this, and still do. I'm exaggerating a little in saying this, but at times my childhood did feel a bit like growing up inside some Dickens novel and in a way it must have instilled in me a proclivity for coziness. Nowadays it's mainly anxiety. I'd often hide under tables or chairs, make little forts or camp out reading on the attic, under my bed or quite literally, the doghouse. Just anywhere I could hide really. I still like doing that, although these days the forts have gotten a little bigger now, room sized, or bed/nook sized, with drawn curtains and carefully positioned furniture for walls/protective dividers.

Getting the light down low has always been a thing. I'd rather have plenty (or even just a few) low wattage lights spreading light only where I need it than a few high power ones lighting up the whole place. As a kid I'd always have a flashlight next to the bed to read at night and I'd get up long before everyone else so I could sit by myself next to the heater to read with just a faint light. I do like the sun though and I don't mind basking in it at times, as long as I have some decent sunglasses, but I do very much need to be able to retreat into the dark when I have to relax emotionally.

That heater was a big source of comfort too actually. I'd often crawl up next to the fan heater thing in the bathroom too, making a little one person tent around it with a towel. I still do sometimes, and during winter I like to keep one of those electrical heaters next to me at the desk, with a blanket draped over one side so the warmth comes straight to me. Sometimes when I've made some oven dish, I'd put it on top so it stays warm and I can eat it very slow while doing other stuff.

Since I've mentioned the bathroom: long showers too. I don't have one at my disposal now, and the lack of it is causing a serious degradation of my executive functioning, as I'm finding out. It often works as a kind of reset button. When I get overwhelmed, I can always retreat to have a shower and feel the hot water streaming. Meanwhile I'd come up with ideas or just write a little list on the glass with what to do next, or just stand there. When I was in high school I'd even study in the shower, wrapping my papers in those plastic protection covers to keep them from getting wet.

Music has always been a very soothing companion to me, and in a way it might be the most important, because it's the one soothing thing I can take with me everywhere I go. Nowadays, when I'm in that mood, I tend to just loop one song over and over as I go about my ways, or lay down or have a walk through town. Singing can help a lot too, releasing energy, so does playing guitar, although I only do those when I'm alone as I do realize that it can be highly annoying to those around, and I can't do it unless I feel comfortable enough (read: know that I'm alone).

I quite like solving math problems being mentioned too. A while ago I found some sheets with them lying around, and I had to solve them. Made me wish for some exercise books full of them. Math was a main subject in high school and I never minded having to do the exercises at home. I never particularly felt a sense of accomplishment from it, like writing a story or so, but it would take my mind away from things, time where I didn't have to think.

Hmm, it's a bit much already. I should mention the sleeping thing as well, basically hugging myself, falling asleep in that mummy/vampire in a coffin position, although it doesn't work as well anymore, so these days I'm often hugging a pillow as I fall asleep.

What else? Fresh sheets, warm soft clothes straight out of the dryer, obviously handflapping and a few days ago I was feeling the stitching on my guitar case with the tip of my finger. Textures are great. Well, they can be; some I can't stand.

It's not really 'self-soothing', but it is being mentioned in the articles, and there is that stereotype that we autistics don't like to be touched, but for me touch can be very soothing. Usually I'm not very physical; when a friend greets me with some bro-hug type thing I just get a bit awkward waiting for it to be over. But if it's the right person, just the warm touch of a hand can do wonders and sometimes I can feel it radiate for quite a while afterwards. And it works both ways, to me it's equally as soothing to feel my lover's hand on my back as it is to feel her resting her head on my chest for example. I suppose it's always a lover, or maybe it's some esoteric energy thing. Touch just feels so intense I can't really share/fully enjoy it unless there's some bond. I don't mean it in a sexual way, although sex can be very soothing as well. It's just that the power of the bosom/chest, or belly, lap, arms, legs,... goes way beyond that.

Have some of these things been misconstrued or cause for criticism? Definitely, and it does not help. Back when I was struggling with depression a lot, some of these behaviours were seen as the cause of it, while actually they'd help me get through and it did take me a while to distance myself from that judgement and allow myself to enjoy them. Then there's that common misunderstanding that when someone turns the lights down, or puts some music on, or cozies up the atmosphere, it's a sign to relax and do nothing or socialize, while for me that's more a necessity to get work done.

In the end self-soothing can take on many forms, depending on the person and what's at hand, what's the situation. It's not always easy to find what you need or what actually helps, but once you have found it, use it. Everyone does, it's just that for a lot of people the soothing comes from very common things and they don't fully realize how much these can differ from one person to another.

 

[On the Inside]

These days, the most effective self-soothing for me is to stare at a far off point and go to some "happy place" in my mind. Usually diametrically opposed to whatever is stressing me at the time.