Sending some anger into the dark void of the Universe... : )

[Chance]

I have been doing really well containing my opinions, keeping my negative mindset at bay...
I have been trying very hard to keep a positive mindset. I am by nature a really calm person.
I don't blow up, or cause things that I know will come back on me.

I never ask anyone to do anything I wouldn't do myself. I try to never even ask ANYTHING of anyone... Sadly I don't care to have the conversation, nor do I want to be in their debt.

Today was very long. I had a couple break downs, I'm really far behind. I have some people who needed off, and I let them... So, I am really struggling just to keep up (and people are griping, but thats part of the job). Today started at 5:45am, I just got home and got a shower, no meals, no breaks... and I not complaining. This has been going on for weeks now, so I'm getting worn out, but trying not to let it show.

Yet about 6pm this person (monster) comes up and starts ranting about some issue he has that absolutely has zero to do with me, or my job, or anything else... Yet because I basically said, "I'm sorry I cant spare the time right now." He went off on me like a bomb.

I would nearly swear I seem to attract stuff like this, like from BIRTH!. How I do it I have no idea. I'm minding my own business, headphones on. I'm broke down working under a tractor out in freaking heat. I'm broke down in the stupid fairway... Golf balls are sailing by like rockets. I feel like a target actually.

People are everywhere. I as uncomfortable as a mouse in a cat ladies house... I have diesel running down my arm, and in my stinky arm pit, down my ribs and into my shorts..I'm soaked in sweat, covered in gunk, needing some help myself actually. I'm freaking out inside cause I hate getting unthinkably dirty, and having no way to clean up, basically right then. But this dirt bag simply don't care, because he has an issue!

This guy just wont back off. He wants (demands) I stop what I'm doing to fix his issue. I told him once more. "I cant right now, please try and handle this, or find someone else"... I basically ignored him from that point and he huffed off.
You cant imagine what I was saying inside that this guy could do to himself...

I got rolling, and back to mowing some very grown up fairways and a while later, here comes this freak again...

He is angry because he has to turn in our golf cart that he rented (because we are closing) and madder than hell about the whole thing... because he wasn't through playing. I noticed a grown up very overweight child, who is also a horrible bully...

I have a redneck mantra I say inside for this and it is: {One broke nose equals 2 black eyes, and Chance has to find a new job if he don't settle down right now}... He got me madder and madder to the point any issue he was having, was my fault basically. He got me angry enough I started shaking and thats not good... and thats really hard to go there. I sort of nearly lose control if I cant get out of that really fast. Luckily he left, maybe he sensed this was not going to be good, maybe not...

How do you get past people like this... I don't want revenge, or an apology, or fairness, or anything, but PEACE over it... I have lots of trouble calming down when things go this far.

His flat tire on his golf cart, was to become my mission of his instant minute... And when I didn't jump, go pull a tire out of thin air, and place it on his golf cart, he became a freaking monster. Note: We don't work on peoples golf carts, nor do we have parts for them...

He basically threatened me, telling me, "You haven't began to hear the end of me yet." I'm thinking... Yes I have heard the last of you... because I'm fixing to toss your loud butt off this property... Apparently he's gonna call my Boss (which is the President of the Board of Directors)... How sad it that? Like my Boss is gonna give a damn about his flat tire, about as much as I did?

This person has no idea who I am, or that I'm out there just covering other peoples jobs right now... Its actually funny how uninformed he is, about who I am, or the actual power I could use on him, but I never use, or abuse the power of my title to defend my honor, or demand someone to respect me... If I cant earn the respect, I don't even want it.

How great it would be just to feel appreciated every now and then, instead of treated like some slave who doesn't deserve to eat. I'm trying not to hate golfers... Its been a really nasty summer and I have swallowed more anger than most people can even imagine.

We had a tournament last weekend... I was dumping all the trash bins at the tee boxes, during flight switch and it was tough, but I was doing it and staying out of the way. I was dumping all the beer cans, Patrone, Tequila bottles, etc in the large barrels in the truck. This person said,"You dumping trash?" I said, "Looks like it?" Person says, "Good thats what we are paying you for." {One broke nose equals two black eyes, and Chance will be looking for a job if he don't settle down right now.}... People SUCK at times...

I'm a golfer, but I simply don't have the ridiculous competitive mindset, or the massive egos that so often becomes this snobbery, this puke inducing attitude, that some people just throw out there never thinking twice about it. Its a game, a game that is supposed to be enjoyed.

I need to find ways to shut this stuff down in my head. I'm not going to get in trouble, thats not a worry (I didn't left hook anyone, or yank out anyones esophagus yet, so all is well)...

I just want to make peace with it in my head and get past it. I struggle really bad with the mulling things over and over... My head just wants to pop, and instead I need to defuse the whole thing. I'm trying, but sometimes I get deeply upset and this person went there not once, but twice... : (

I KNOW there is a better life out there and I'm trying very hard to find it... Until then I gotta keep my head on right... and for a guy with ASD having to intertwine with people who are NOTHING like me, it gets tough, but it also makes me grow.

Sorry for venting, but I gotta send it out of me. Maybe it will get sucked up by the dark void of the universe, and come back as some form of happiness a little later...

If you had a rough day... write it out and send it away, now not dwelling on it... Thats where I obviously struggle really hard. I know it seems to help me to write it out and just send it away somewhere...

Have a good night everyone... I'm falling asleep writing this and thats a good thing. : )

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

This person said,"You dumping trash?" I said, "Looks like it?" Person says, "Good thats what we are paying you for."

Oh, you do trash?
I didn't realise.
When are you going to get round ours?

One broke nose equals two black eyes, and Chance will be looking for a job if he don't settle down right now

As mantras go. . Seems to work
A bit long .... For me

Imagine the angry person in front of you

Has the head of Carmen Miranda wearing her banana hat..

Breath a new attitude nice and slow
Joins the nantra and breath

Works unless you start laughing at the man.

He has the head if carmen Miranda for goodness sake.

Other imagined heads are also available.

 

[WittyAspie]

Glad you were able to fall asleep. What you encountered is the problem of entitlement. It runs rampart among the well to do, who are often the ones playing golf. Unfortunately, as long as you work at a golf course your clientele will include an unfortunately large number of dirt bags who feel better than everyone else because they have more money than average.

I like the suggestion above, except I would make the objective to laugh at the person. Any adult acting like an entitled brat deserves to be laughed at, hard. Imagine whatever you need to so you can bust out laughing at the person. You’ll feel better and hopefully they never return. Clients like that aren’t worth keeping anyway. They normally cost a business money in the long run.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Glad you were able to fall asleep. What you encountered is the problem of entitlement. It runs rampart among the well to do, who are often the ones playing golf. Unfortunately, as long as you work at a golf course your clientele will include an unfortunately large number of dirt bags who feel better than everyone else because they have more money than average.

I like the suggestion above, except I would make the objective to laugh at the person. Any adult acting like an entitled brat deserves to be laughed at, hard. Imagine whatever you need to so you can bust out laughing at the person. You’ll feel better and hopefully they never return. Clients like that aren’t worth keeping anyway. They normally cost a business money in the long run.

Laughed at internally

 

[LucyPurrs]

Maybe you should ask "Do you juggle?" when others go off on you like that. Then, when they say "what has that got to do with anything? " you can tell them, "I only talk to jugglers."

 

[Streetwise]

Maybe you should ask "Do you juggle?" when others go off on you like that. Then, when they say "what has that got to do with anything? " you can tell them, "I only talk to jugglers."

I'm surprised there is a notice saying staff will not tolerate abuse .
Staff at the pharmacy that I go to were abusive to me but I can't say anything.

 

[Major Tom]

Anyone ever told you that you should be a writer? That had me glued, maybe because I can relate quite a bit. I really just try to take nothing personally, we are all like specks of dust and one asshole speck of dust isn't going to effect my day. (Too much)
I'm glad you could keep yourself cool, good job.

 

[Chance]

Thank you too all of you for responding...

I have been mulling this over all day of course... BUT not in the woe is me crap.

I got to thinking about these people and this on going "way they act"...
I have no idea what to call it other than MISERY.

They are most often so life sucking that its insane... Of course we do have some very nice people, or else I would probably become sucked into this negative void.

So, I had this sort of epiphany today... Don't hate them, feel sorry for them. They resent the blessings and the free time they have. It makes me cherish mine. These people (all people are a lesson I need to learn)...

I have to believe this, or else I would just walk away. I cant walk away until the next door opens.

I have to be able to turn my thoughts away from all the destructive stuff inside me.
I can so easily fall into that I SUCK mindset (I have posts on here that prove that), but I try to hard for that NOT to be my truth.

There is also CAUSE and AFFECT, we all get back (maybe 10 fold) to what we put out...good or bad.
I screw up all the time, but I try to never demean or hurt anyone. If I do, its not on purpose. I'm a human that has some challenges. This life is maybe not what I was expecting. I have to deal with stuff people cant even imagine everyday, because my body doesn't respond to all the stimuli of LIFE, the way it does for other people.

I don't want their pity, or your pity, or some free ride in anyway... I just want to find my way without it always being a mental battle. I don't mind a little struggle, but damn it gets tiring to feel like I have to work 10 times harder than any other person to get half of what others get... And I'm not talking riches or success, just stuff in everyday life.

I do things people cant even imagine. I just drained a huge private lake/pond at work... I had people calling me CRAZY. Some even wanted me fired. I went to the back side of the lake which was so over grown with reeds and algae that it was just green and toxic...

I had an excavator brought in and I drained the lake, and cleaned it completely out. I put the dirt back in, packed it all back, etc...
I had a huge well close by to get some water to start filling it back, also the river flows into it. I put the fish back in it that I caught as I drained it. It came a 4 inch rain, and it was full in three days. I have now put in a huge fountain. The water is so clear, that now you can see the fish in it... No one does this, but I still have those jerks who say I was an idiot for doing that. Yet, they just live life with a beer in one hand, and a burrito in the other, as they run their mouths in between bites...

I look around at these LIFE SUCKERS... and I see miserable losers, who are spoiled rotten, indebted to their deaths and beyond, to the stomach turning status quo. Suddenly I don't feel like a stupid messed up freak. I feel blessed that I am not afraid to do things, even if I might be wrong... (which I am at times).

Maybe I am disliked because they see something in me that they cant be, or wont put out the effort to be... SO IN THAT... they try and make me feel wrong in doing so...

Maybe I'm really far off base on this, but its all I can figure out. I go get what I want. I am good with finances and business decisions, and yet I SUCK at communicating or explaining what I see in my head, and somehow people try and make me feel wrong about everything in my life...

Someday the right things will line up, and I will find a place, and a job that will in some way fill my void.
I have to believe that, or else I have NOTHING to look forward too.

 

[WittyAspie]

You are so right about the jerks They are usually taking their own struggles out on everyone else. Feeling sorry for them is healthy. It doesn’t mean you have to put up with them though. Having a planned distraction might still be a good idea. Speaking of which, does your course have a suggestion box. If not, make one, then direct all complainers to the box. At the end of everyday throw away their complaints.

You are also spot on concerning the people who are scared of your ambition. They want to tear you down because they know they are too lazy to ever accomplish what you accomplish.

 

[LucyPurrs]

You're way overdue for good karma to come to you, but keep on keeping on and it will catch up with you eventually!!! You have the right idea though- people tend to make those they are jealous of miserable.
Hope that karma hurries up!!!

A thought: maybe the next door won't open until you walk away. Don't know. Maybe you're overlooking it in the rush to get everything done you feel you have to do?

 

[Chance]

You're way overdue for good karma to come to you, but keep on keeping on and it will catch up with you eventually!!! You have the right idea though- people tend to make those they are jealous of miserable.
Hope that karma hurries up!!!

A thought: maybe the next door won't open until you walk away. Don't know. Maybe you're overlooking it in the rush to get everything done you feel you have to do?

I'm sort of thinking you are right... At some point I have to take the jump...
I am truly trying to prepare my life to where I have that option very soon.
I have heard of people who do this with nothing fixed in their present position and suddenly they are far worse off then they were. I dont want to leave huge messes, actually no messes, so I can be open and free knowing I did the best I could to do things right before I hand it off and walk away...

When I do walk away and drive off, I'm not sure I will ever look back, at least for awhile... : )

 

[WittyAspie]

I'm sort of thinking you are right... At some point I have to take the jump...
I am truly trying to prepare my life to where I have that option very soon.
I have heard of people who do this with nothing fixed in their present position and suddenly they are far worse off then they were. I dont want to leave huge messes, actually no messes, so I can be open and free knowing I did the best I could to do things right before I hand it off and walk away...

When I do walk away and drive off, I'm not sure I will ever look back, at least for awhile... : )

One thing to remember is that most employers won’t be there for you near as much as they expect you to be there for them. You will find exceptions if you are working for family or friends, but in general employers are looking to get what they can out of you and give as little back to you as they can get by with.

In other words, they expect loyalty from you, but they won’t be loyal to you. When the opportunity for something better comes along, take it.

 

[Sabrina]

I like your mantra!

 

[Gracey]

Huge well done for not left hooking him or pulling his throat out through his nose.

Uppercut would have shut his noise up instantly, works like a mute button
(I’m joking)
I admire your self restraint, especially if you had reached the shaking stage.

We can’t stop ‘them’ being who they are. They will always have to be themselves.

We can only adjust or change what goes on in our heads.
It’s the only thing we’ll ever have control over.


It reads like you had a really rough day.
Keep on hurling the dark stuff out into the universe if it’s working for you at the moment.