Sensitivity

[Rutland Survivor]

My 7 year old autistic son, lately, has been very sensitive to reactions, compliments or observations we make about him. For example, if he does something cute, we laugh and and he yells, "It's not funny! Stop!" My response is explaining how much we love him and care about him. Another instance is where one day, his mother noticed he had urinated more than usual and told me over the phone. My son started to become anxious and began wondering if he was sick and needed to go to the hospital.

Any thoughts or approaches that would work to help ease my son to begin to understand how harmless such things are.

Thank you!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

has been very sensitive to reactions, compliments or observations we make about him

Keep your mouth shut.

Abrupt?

Yes. But don't discuss him in front of him!!!!!!

Perhaps he perceived you're laughing at him.

Your response creates a further conflict.

Your response should be 'sorry' then stop.

He may perceive things differently from you.
Saying ''I love you' doesn't help him understand your reaction.

 

[Judge]

Keep your mouth shut.

Exactly. No harm, no foul.

If things dramatically improve in terms of their son's behavior, would it be so detrimental in avoiding feedback whether positive or negative? I think not under the circumstances.

Sometimes "therapies" don't require being so complex.

 

[Catana]

At seven, he's old enough to be aware he wants to be treated like a human being, not a pet or a defective object. How would you feel, being observed and commented on all the time?

 

[55853]

My 7 year old autistic son, lately, has been very sensitive to reactions, compliments or observations we make about him. For example, if he does something cute, we laugh and and he yells, "It's not funny! Stop!" My response is explaining how much we love him and care about him. Another instance is where one day, his mother noticed he had urinated more than usual and told me over the phone. My son started to become anxious and began wondering if he was sick and needed to go to the hospital.

Any thoughts or approaches that would work to help ease my son to begin to understand how harmless such things are.

Thank you!

I'm not sure, but this is my guess. Instead of going from the "I love you" angle, how about trying to make him aware how people laugh at other situations, not just jokes? Not sure about the health anxiety - maybe reassurance that it's almost impossible anything is seriously wrong?

Best of luck to you both, I hope you manage to figure it out.

Keep your mouth shut.

Abrupt?

Yes. But don't discuss him in front of him!!!!!!

Perhaps he perceived you're laughing at him.

Your response creates a further conflict.

Your response should be 'sorry' then stop.

He may perceive things differently from you.
Saying ''I love you' doesn't help him understand your reaction.

Remember how people have reacted badly to your jokes? How you're not intending harm, but the other person perceives that you are and reacts badly? I think this is comparable.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I'm not sure, but this is my guess. Instead of going from the "I love you" angle, how about trying to make him aware how people laugh at other situations, not just jokes? Not sure about the health anxiety - maybe reassurance that it's almost impossible anything is seriously wrong?

Best of luck to you both, I hope you manage to figure it out.


Remember how people have reacted badly to your jokes? How you're not intending harm, but the other person perceives that you are and reacts badly? I think this is comparable.

Remember how I assume other people have a brain?

I'll communicate how I want, but thank you.

Perhaps you react badly as you are bereft...

(Like that you mean? A living example!)

I'm sure the concern for the child is paramount and not if his feelings are hurt..

You seem to grant me far more power than I actually have....

 

[55853]

I'll communicate how I want, but thank you.

So why can't OP? Why are you telling him to keep his mouth shut? For showing normal human emotions?

I'm sure the concern for the child is paramount and not if his feelings are hurt..

People are less receptive when they feel attacked. By telling someone to shut up, you may push they away unintentionally.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

So why can't OP? Why are you telling him to keep his mouth shut? For showing normal human emotions?

You have ,perhaps deliberately, misunderstood the context of my words.
He asked what he should do. I had a suggestion and gave a reason.

People are less receptive when they feel attacked. By telling someone to shut up, you may push they away unintentionally.

Again, you misunderstood. See quote number one.

Think about how abrupt my words appeared. Now think how that could rhyme with how abrupt his words appeared to his child.

You don't seem to understand where I'm coming from.
My suggestion is to leave me alone.

 

[55853]

Again, you misunderstood. See quote number one.

Think about how abrupt my words appeared. Now think how that could rhyme with how abrupt his words appeared to his child.

You don't seem to understand where I'm coming from.
My suggestion is to leave me alone.

And think about how your laughter on a post about someone leaving is comparable to laughter about the son doing something cute. Neither of you meant harm, but it wasn't perceived that way and hurt the person who felt laughed at. OP is not a bad person, and neither are you.

I do see - you are trying to get OP to feel how the son is feeling. But unlike real life, OP may just see these posts, feel unwelcome, and disappear. It could backfire, that's what I'm trying to say.

 

[tree]

Some exposition or explanation
of what a person is trying to accomplish with
an example can really clarify matters.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I do see - you are trying to get OP to feel how the son is feeling. But unlike real life, OP may just see these posts, feel unwelcome, and disappear. It could backfire, that's what I'm trying to say

If he genuinely wanted to help his son, I doubt it.

Now you can admit you did not umderstand my post initially as your first post completely misrepresented it.

 

[Juliettaa]

My 7 year old autistic son, lately, has been very sensitive to reactions, compliments or observations we make about him. For example, if he does something cute, we laugh and and he yells, "It's not funny! Stop!" My response is explaining how much we love him and care about him. Another instance is where one day, his mother noticed he had urinated more than usual and told me over the phone. My son started to become anxious and began wondering if he was sick and needed to go to the hospital.

Any thoughts or approaches that would work to help ease my son to begin to understand how harmless such things are.

Thank you!

It sounds as if he's very sensitive and anxious about your observations and from the information you've written in your post, I wonder at the benefit of you repeating behaviour that he clearly finds distressing.

I'm not comparing you to my abusive parents, but they used to find my Aspie behaviours a source of cruel amusement to the point of me becoming extremely distressed/upset. They did nothing to address their behaviour, their ridicule, their cruelty.

You on the other hand, you're aware that he's upset by certain things, so the best thing to do would be to stop.

Also, it would be in his interest not to make conversation about him while he's in earshot. The comment about the amount of urine he'd produced is pretty bizarre, unless he had a suspected UTI for example; but to talk about it when he could hear the comments? Erm, no, that shouldn't happen.

 

[Mary Anne]

I cringed when I read about the urine discussion too! Mom, put yourself in his shoes...would you appreciate other family members discussing your urine amounts? No!

I think the family should do a better job of monitoring their behaviors and responses to him then expecting this little boy to make all the changes “you” want. It’s too much for any little child, especially one with autism. He will learn hopefully to be less sensitive over time but you need to be mindful of what you could change, in order not to trigger him.