Serious Meltdown

[wanderer03]

Today I had a serious meltdown. I had to stop my training on a route because the flat-nosed bus was too difficult for me to handle. The stimulus from the passengers, looking at the mirrors, and being in an unfamiliar bus was too much. There was too much information to process at once. I'm shaking, scared, and angry all at once.

As they say this too shall pass. I'd really not like to get fired. I stopped driving and gave it to over to my trainer. I made the responsible safety call. My brain isn't wired to process info that way. I just want to go back to my usual run that is mostly stress free.

 

[Datura]

I cried the first time I went driving with my instructor. I had to pull over and regain my composure.

 

[Rayner]

Today I had a serious meltdown. I had to stop my training on a route because the flat-nosed bus was too difficult for me to handle. The stimulus from the passengers, looking at the mirrors, and being in an unfamiliar bus was too much. There was too much information to process at once. I'm shaking, scared, and angry all at once.

As they say this too shall pass. I'd really not like to get fired. I stopped driving and gave it to over to my trainer. I made the responsible safety call. My brain isn't wired to process info that way. I just want to go back to my usual run that is mostly stress free.

Sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you made the safest decision.

 

[wanderer03]

Sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you made the safest decision.

Thank you, Rayner. Being autistic can really be challenging at times. I got written up over yesterday's fiasco. I signed the write-up slip as there was really nothing I could do. I cannot say I was surprised. It wasn't a battle worth fighting over anyways as I'm simply biding my time.

This just reaffirms my commitment to becoming an independent contractor.

 

[Warmheart]

Wanderer, my deepest compassion for your meltdown. How horrible that must have been for you, and then to sign a site up... Being given disciplinary action for a neurological event.

Please pardon my forwardness Wanderer, but may I ask why you do not have any autism agency on your side, providing you supports in life? Have you got a formal diagnosis? If so, an agency such as The ARC or similar can really make life better, including helping you with accommodations for your chosen employment. Yes, the decision to disclose at work is a personal one, but it makes more sense to get back-up from an agency and disclose if possible, when you think you may end up needing accommodations. An example of such might be that your agency therapist works with your bus company's operations, paratransit department, etc. to put you into a job you can do (even if it's temporary and not your ideal position) until your low-stress route opens up. Anyway, I wish you had much more understanding and support at your job.
Please take extra good care of yourself today. Meltdowns can take a lot out of us. I am keeping you in my good thoughts.

 

[wanderer03]

Wanderer, my deepest compassion for your meltdown. How horrible that must have been for you, and then to sign a site up... Being given disciplinary action for a neurological event.

Please pardon my forwardness Wanderer, but may I ask why you do not have any autism agency on your side, providing you supports in life? Have you got a formal diagnosis? If so, an agency such as The ARC or similar can really make life better, including helping you with accommodations for your chosen employment. Yes, the decision to disclose at work is a personal one, but it makes more sense to get back-up from an agency and disclose if possible, when you think you may end up needing accommodations. An example of such might be that your agency therapist works with your bus company's operations, paratransit department, etc. to put you into a job you can do (even if it's temporary and not your ideal position) until your low-stress route opens up. Anyway, I wish you had much more understanding and support at your job.
Please take extra good care of yourself today. Meltdowns can take a lot out of us. I am keeping you in my good thoughts.

Firstly, thank you Warmheart and please have no concerns about being forward. I am formally diagnosed and the bus company knows that I have a disability but I purposely kept it vague and nebulous because I feared that specifics might cause me to lose my medical certificate, which would in fact, render me ineligible to operate a commercial vehicle. So I really don't have much recourse. The write-up was very carefully worded as an unprofessional act so I have no ground to stand on there as well.

This is not a battle worth fighting because my end goal is not to be with the bus company long term anyways. I have my sights set on being an independent contractor. My eyes are on the prize of July 20th. I will have fulfilled my obligation to the bus company and I'll serve them 2 weeks notice then.

They gave away my low stress route and I'm angry about that because I asked them not to but they did anyway. Now I'm stuck being a fill-in guy on Monday morning and I may not have work Tuesday through Friday. One of my favorite sayings is if you're going through hell, don't stop because it will eventually end. In my case July 20th is my end.

 

[Judge]

Firstly, thank you Warmheart and please have no concerns about being forward. I am formally diagnosed and the bus company knows that I have a disability but I purposely kept it vague and nebulous because I feared that specifics might cause me to lose my medical certificate, which would in fact, render me ineligible to operate a commercial vehicle. So I really don't have much recourse. The write-up was very carefully worded as an unprofessional act so I have no ground to stand on there as well.

This is not a battle worth fighting because my end goal is not to be with the bus company long term anyways. I have my sights set on being an independent contractor. My eyes are on the prize of July 20th. I will have fulfilled my obligation to the bus company and I'll serve them 2 weeks notice then.

They gave away my low stress route and I'm angry about that because I asked them not to but they did anyway. Now I'm stuck being a fill-in guy on Monday morning and I may not have work Tuesday through Friday. One of my favorite sayings is if you're going through hell, don't stop because it will eventually end. In my case July 20th is my end.

This is good. You are still in control, with "your eye on the prize". To get out in one piece.

Yes we can have meltdowns and shutdowns...but it doesn't inherently mean we've lost control when it happens.

 

[wanderer03]

This is good. You are still in control, with "your eye on the prize". To get out in one piece.

Yes we can have meltdowns and shutdowns...but it doesn't inherently mean we've lost control when it happens.

The ultimate irony is I was in complete control. I knew it was happening. I pulled the bus over to safety, took it out of gear, and applied the parking brakes. I did this before jeopardizing anyone's safety. So yes, Judge, you're quite correct.

 

[Datura]

I know that busses are something of a nightmare for many aspies. One of my aspie friends risks a meldown every time she goes on the bus, and that's without the added pressure of having to drive the thing.

You made the best decision given the circumstance. It's rather unfair that you were punished for it because if somebody were having any other medical emergency they would be expected to do exactly as you did.

I wish you the best with your work as a private contractor.

 

[wanderer03]

I know that busses are something of a nightmare for many aspies. One of my aspie friends risks a meldown every time she goes on the bus, and that's without the added pressure of having to drive the thing.

You made the best decision given the circumstance. It's rather unfair that you were punished for it because if somebody were having any other medical emergency they would be expected to do exactly as you did.

I wish you the best with your work as a private contractor.

Thank you, Datura. I think ultimately working for myself and my own concerns will be key for me. I'll take all of the luck that I can get! [emoji4]

I definitely do not like riding transit buses as a passenger. I don't mind Greyhound. Maybe it's that on Greyhound it doesn't feel as claustrophobic?

 

[paloftoon]

wanderer03, you should totally consult with the Arc and give it a try to see if they can try to support you. I do happen to know that Philadelphia Arc is superb, but I don't know about Arcs about other counties. Heard so so things about Delco and that's about it. If you don't reach out, then at this point you're basically on your own. I think it is reasonable to have a company have to try different things from time to time. Life is unpredictable.

Also, even though you already know your time is limited, try to make the best out of it. Learn as much as you can. Changes in your route are opportunities to learn more about geography and dealing with people, as hard as it is. So even though it's hard, it does come with some hidden rewards. Being your own independent contractor may pose as having additional, unpredictable changes too.

 

[wanderer03]

wanderer03, you should totally consult with the Arc and give it a try to see if they can try to support you. I do happen to know that Philadelphia Arc is superb, but I don't know about Arcs about other counties. Heard so so things about Delco and that's about it. If you don't reach out, then at this point you're basically on your own. I think it is reasonable to have a company have to try different things from time to time. Life is unpredictable.

Also, even though you already know your time is limited, try to make the best out of it. Learn as much as you can. Changes in your route are opportunities to learn more about geography and dealing with people, as hard as it is. So even though it's hard, it does come with some hidden rewards. Being your own independent contractor may pose as having additional, unpredictable changes too.

I get it. Routines change but when you work for yourself you have more control over what you are or are not willing to accept. I can tolerate routine change, it was the combination of being thrust into too much unfamiliarity at once. It was so much unfamiliarity that I had nothing in experience to fall back on.