Share Healthy Asperger's Syndrome Coping Skills

[djn]

Please share healthy coping skills for dealing with Aspergers. One I use is arriving right when event starts so I don't have to engage in small talk.

 

[Ste11aeres]

When at a party: if you can sit down on a couch than it will look like you're participating (especially if there's other people sitting down) even if you don't say anything. But if you are standing and not saying anything, you just appear awkward and strange.

 

[Dark]

If I'm at a social event and I'm feeling particularily overwhelmed, I'll politely excuse myself to the bathroom and just hide in there for a few minutes until I calm down. Nobody is going to want details of what you're doing in there, and you can find bathrooms anywhere there's people, so it's a safe bet.

I also rehearse a lot. If I know I'll be having a conversation with someone in the near future, I'll rehearse various ideas of what to say so that when the time comes I'm less uncomfortable and actually have something to talk about.

 

[djn]

When at a party: if you can sit down on a couch than it will look like you're participating (especially if there's other people sitting down) even if you don't say anything. But if you are standing and not saying anything, you just appear awkward and strange.

 

[djn]

Dark - Never thought of this. Standing feels way more awkward and conspicuous.

 

[djn]

If I'm at a social event and I'm feeling particularily overwhelmed, I'll politely excuse myself to the bathroom and just hide in there for a few minutes until I calm down. Nobody is going to want details of what you're doing in there, and you can find bathrooms anywhere there's people, so it's a safe bet.

I also rehearse a lot. If I know I'll be having a conversation with someone in the near future, I'll rehearse various ideas of what to say so that when the time comes I'm less uncomfortable and actually have something to talk about.

What's your overwhelmed time frame? I've figured out that I can do 3 hrs at family Christmas and then I'm looking for a place to hide. That's true about not having to explain yourself about being in the bathroom huh? I'll use that to buy time first.

 

[djn]

What kinds of things can you rehearse Dark? I think about things I can ask them about, but my problem is, I get bored really fast with small talk. Wish I could say, "let's get to know each other for real - what are the really important things that have happened in your life?" Talking about the weather drives me crazy!

 

[Dark]

What's your overwhelmed time frame? I've figured out that I can do 3 hrs at family Christmas and then I'm looking for a place to hide.

It depends on the company, usually. And also how I'm feeling in that particular moment. If I've had a really stressful day, my threshold is a lot lower than if I've had a quiet day by myself. And if I'm with people I don't know or aren't comfortable with, my threshold is even lower. I can usually average about 2 to 3 hours in ideal circumstances.
I definitely hear you about family Christmas though - I love my family, but after a couple hours of non-stop interaction, I go a bit squirrelly.

What kinds of things can you rehearse?

All kinds. If I'm expecting to have a specific conversation about a specific topic (like for instance, if I have a concern or question to bring up with someone) I'll go over what I want to say so that I have everything phrased the best way possible for the actual conversation. Or if I'm going to a social event, I'll go over small-talk categories and recent events and have a fake conversation with myself just to get used to it. Even voice tone and facial expressions are good things to rehearse if you're unsure about them. Mirrors work great.

 

[djn]

It depends on the company, usually. And also how I'm feeling in that particular moment. If I've had a really stressful day, my threshold is a lot lower than if I've had a quiet day by myself. And if I'm with people I don't know or aren't comfortable with, my threshold is even lower. I can usually average about 2 to 3 hours in ideal circumstances.
I definitely hear you about family Christmas though - I love my family, but after a couple hours of non-stop interaction, I go a bit squirrelly.



All kinds. If I'm expecting to have a specific conversation about a specific topic (like for instance, if I have a concern or question to bring up with someone) I'll go over what I want to say so that I have everything phrased the best way possible for the actual conversation. Or if I'm going to a social event, I'll go over small-talk categories and recent events and have a fake conversation with myself just to get used to it. Even voice tone and facial expressions are good things to rehearse if you're unsure about them. Mirrors work great.

Thanks - very helpful.

 

[Ste11aeres]

What kinds of things can you rehearse Dark? I think about things I can ask them about, but my problem is, I get bored really fast with small talk. Wish I could say, "let's get to know each other for real - what are the really important things that have happened in your life?" Talking about the weather drives me crazy!

Why don't you try to just go ahead and say that? There are some NTs out there who would appreciate it. Not all of them actually like small talk, even though they're good at it.

P.S. Although I think sometimes they use what seems like "small talk" to communicate things, things that we often don't pick up on.

 

[djn]

Why don't you try to just go ahead and say that? There are some NTs out there who would appreciate it. Not all of them actually like small talk, even though they're good at it.

P.S. Although I think sometimes they use what seems like "small talk" to communicate things, things that we often don't pick up on.

I might. You have a nice way of sharing ideas - no pushy, arrogant, know it all stuff. Thanks.

 

[umbrellabeach]

II'll politely excuse myself to the bathroom and just hide in there for a few minutes until I calm down. Nobody is going to want details of what you're doing in there

Unless my parents are there. Maybe they do consider it rude to ask strangers/acquaintances/anyone who isn't their kid, but the way they've treated me, I don't trust them not to ask anyone else.

My way of coping with meltdowns and such is to be alone, block out the outside world as much as I can, and just try to blow off steam for a while without hurting anyone. Listening to loud music, particularly that of Simple Plan, also helps burn some of the energy. Unfortunately I'm not always allowed to be alone during a meltdown, as I've written on this site before. But I do try.

 

[djn]

Unless my parents are there. Maybe they do consider it rude to ask strangers/acquaintances/anyone who isn't their kid, but the way they've treated me, I don't trust them not to ask anyone else.

My way of coping with meltdowns and such is to be alone, block out the outside world as much as I can, and just try to blow off steam for a while without hurting anyone. Listening to loud music, particularly that of Simple Plan, also helps burn some of the energy. Unfortunately I'm not always allowed to be alone during a meltdown, as I've written on this site before. But I do try.

Loud music helps me sometimes too. I remember I was feeling really emotional because I knew it would be the last time I saw a relative who was dying and when we left, I had the music in the car really loud. My husband said, "What's going on?" I had never noticed that I did that when I was upset.

 

[djn]

Unless my parents are there. Maybe they do consider it rude to ask strangers/acquaintances/anyone who isn't their kid, but the way they've treated me, I don't trust them not to ask anyone else.

My way of coping with meltdowns and such is to be alone, block out the outside world as much as I can, and just try to blow off steam for a while without hurting anyone. Listening to loud music, particularly that of Simple Plan, also helps burn some of the energy. Unfortunately I'm not always allowed to be alone during a meltdown, as I've written on this site before. But I do try.

 

[djn]

Does it ever seem to anyone like if someone is going to rattle paper in a movie theater, they will be behind you of course? I now realize, I'm the only one who notices. I cope with it by moving.

 

[Vanilla]

I find that comfort is quite an important factor. Not just being comfortable, but sometimes leaving the comfort zone. I used to struggle to leave it, but now find that I can endure the unknown for longer periods of time, as long as I later return to that comfort zone, and make sure I'm nice and cosy. The things that make me comfortable are generally linked to my senses; understanding that sounds, tastes, smells, etc. can all contribute to how I feel (and understanding how they affect my moods), as well as alone time, and being able to either work my mind, or relax, as needed. Sometimes simply lying in bed, and staring at the ceiling, lost in thought (maybe with a little music playing), is all I need to calm me.

 

[Daniel]

I find that comfort is quite an important factor. Not just being comfortable, but sometimes leaving the comfort zone. I used to struggle to leave it, but now find that I can endure the unknown for longer periods of time, as long as I later return to that comfort zone, and make sure I'm nice and cosy. The things that make me comfortable are generally linked to my senses; understanding that sounds, tastes, smells, etc. can all contribute to how I feel (and understanding how they affect my moods), as well as alone time, and being able to either work my mind, or relax, as needed. Sometimes simply lying in bed, and staring at the ceiling, lost in thought (maybe with a little music playing), is all I need to calm me.

I've been making more of a conscious effort to do this sort of thing of late. I have to spend a lot of time on mass transit, so I make sure that I'm prepared with earbuds to fill my ears with music and a book that I can lose myself in if I feel the need to manage my senses. I'm also learning to schedule more alone time.

In general--I'm becoming more aware of triggers. For example, the din of lots of people talking all at once--that wears me out. I'll either get away from it or block it out with distraction or my trusty earbuds.

 

[Dark]

I find that comfort is quite an important factor. Not just being comfortable, but sometimes leaving the comfort zone. I used to struggle to leave it, but now find that I can endure the unknown for longer periods of time, as long as I later return to that comfort zone, and make sure I'm nice and cosy. The things that make me comfortable are generally linked to my senses; understanding that sounds, tastes, smells, etc. can all contribute to how I feel (and understanding how they affect my moods), as well as alone time, and being able to either work my mind, or relax, as needed. Sometimes simply lying in bed, and staring at the ceiling, lost in thought (maybe with a little music playing), is all I need to calm me.

I definitely relate to this. Music and time alone are a wonderful balm for the soul.

 

[Atay]

Here's a couple of my favorites for social situations:

1) I externalize the prospect of judgment to avoid fearing judgment. Humans are generally judgmental to overcompensate for perceived weaknesses. Highly confident people (different from arrogant) are the least likely individuals to engage in judgment. Thus, if someone strongly judges me (even if they don't say it), they are probably just overcompensating, and it probably has nothing to do with me. This lowers any anxiety, and fosters my comfort-level and subsequent communication skills in that setting.

2) I practice identifying the unique belonging of all parties in a gathering (e.g. "She's the funny one, he's the quiet one, she's the leader, he's the organizer, she's the wild one, I'm the deep thinker..."). This, of course, is somewhat modified in every situation. This helps my brain to recognize that differences actually contribute to the group, and thus enhance my belonging (as opposed to reducing it). This makes me feel more comfortable, and optimizes my comfort-level in social situations.

 

[djn]

Here's a couple of my favorites for social situations:

1) I externalize the prospect of judgment to avoid fearing judgment. Humans are generally judgmental to overcompensate for perceived weaknesses. Highly confident people (different from arrogant) are the least likely individuals to engage in judgment. Thus, if someone strongly judges me (even if they don't say it), they are probably just overcompensating, and it probably has nothing to do with me. This lowers any anxiety, and fosters my comfort-level and subsequent communication skills in that setting.

2) I practice identifying the unique belonging of all parties in a gathering (e.g. "She's the funny one, he's the quiet one, she's the leader, he's the organizer, she's the wild one, I'm the deep thinker..."). This, of course, is somewhat modified in every situation. This helps my brain to recognize that differences actually contribute to the group, and thus enhance my belonging (as opposed to reducing it). This makes me feel more comfortable, and optimizes my comfort-level in social situations.

Good ideas