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Sharing a bed (sleep discussion only).

A

Aspieistj

Well-Known Member
This question isn't about sexual intimacy.

When I got married both my husband and I had always slept alone and we agreed we wanted twin beds for restful sleeping. I never took my children into my bed because some psychologists think it isn't a good thing to do. After we divorced I bought a double bed so I could sleep with my small dog. None of my dogs since then have slept with me until this current one. I decided to let her on my bed a few nights ago and I really don't like the way she disturbs me. I guess it has just been too long since I have shared a bed with man or dog. I love to cuddle with her on the couch or recliner but I just don't like being touched when I am asleep. So, am I again being an Aspie?
 
I don't like the thought of sharing a bed, mostly because I'd be a nightmare to share a bed with! ;P I frequently toss and turn until I'm comfortable and often bury myself under the duvet when it's cold. I don't like being touched while sleeping either, and will stir if one of the cats jumps on my bed. Also, I like my personal space and feel slightly unnerved when people come too close; the same would apply to sharing a bed, and I probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep at all.
 
Other than the trips I went on with school where we needed to share beds, or with family, I've only shared a bed with my ex fiancé. We'd occasionally take naps together, and the New Years Eve right after we got engaged, we stayed at an inn so we could have time to ourselves. It's a lot easier for me to sleep when the other person in the bed knows me really well, and that I love getting my back rubbed to help me relax before going to sleep.


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Although my wife and I share the same bed from time to time, I have to admit, it usually ends up being a restless night. I wake up to easy, I wake my wife up which kinda sets up an anxiety trend. Especially when my wife looks tired and lies when asked if I kept her awake Am I stealing the quilt, am I over her side of the bed, am I snoring. In the hands of an Aspie, all the anxiety needed for a crap nights sleep. Sometimes I need to take the spare bed, just for a recharge.
 
I think I'd need to put two double beds together if I was sharing! I'm tall so I sleep diagonally across my bed so my feet don't get cold..
 
I can't sleep well or at all if being touched, and this has offended many people. Same with how I feel much better sleeping with clothes on (for no sexual reason, just limits contact with blankets). It could be an aspie thing, as our senses including touch are more heightened.

About the kids in bed... If my daughter ever had a bad dream or was sick or anything, I'd do what it took to be there for her even if it meant sleeping downstairs in a chair or something. But I NEVER even offered for her to be in my bed. For one, there are too many people just digging for reasons to get a single dad in trouble even if there is nothing going on. And two, I've known countless people who let their kids sleep with them, and the story is always the same, once you start it's like hell trying to get them to sleep in their own bed again and you're stuck with it for years and years.
 
I share a bed with my wife. When I am away from home I miss her being beside me. That said I have real problems sleeping most of the time.
 
Being an aspie I don't have any trouble with being touched, I actually quite like it! Especially because it means something to me. Words like I love you just don't have much of an effect because they are so easy to say and they are also more likely to be a lie. A intimate hug instead tells me all I need to know and it just comforts and tells me so much.

So not being able to share my bed with someone I love, especially if I am sleeping in the same room, is almost unthinkable!
 
If I were to need a good night's rest I rather not share a bed. If it's more of a necessity I don't mind it that much to get through to the next day.

I mean, if my girlfriend is over just to hang out and we don't have any plans I don't really mind it if she sleeps over. But if the next day will be a full planning to where we want to go places or she'll stay around for hours till late in the evening I'll get grumpy if I didn't get some good sleep. And considering we're doing a somewhat long-distance-ish thing I can't really boot her out as soon as we wake up.

On the other hand, my girlfriend is somewhat the same, so at least she doesn't push herself onto me and she understands why I rather be well rested if we want to go places or have any plans at all besides sitting around at home (which is the least likely thing I want to do anyway).

I don't know if it's exactly just the sleeping thing that bothers me. Touch isn't that much of an issue... I think it's just the freedom I enjoy of having a big bed all to myself. I've never heard someone complain that I'm a rowdy sleeper (in that I might take up much of the bed or anything or that I'm annoying to sleep next to), but I don't really feel at ease when someone is next to me I guess. I can't stand body heat though, so anyone next to me who radiates any heat that's different than my own perceptive body heat will make me aware someone is around.

Talking someone sleeping over; it's not that uncommon for me to get up and do other stuff instead at night. Plenty of times I'll get up and play a game instead of sleeping. I've went out for a walk at night with a friend every now and then as well.

And then there's just the overall thing of having people around (which has nothing to do with sleeping); that never works well for me. I feel limited in what I can do. Having someone around when you wake up feels like I'm starting off my day with severe limitations. Adding in that; I prefer to not interact with anyone for at least 4 hours after I woke up, as well as my way of waking up can vary wildly and might not be suitable for everyone (for example; I might want to wake up to some extremely loud music shaking up my room with it's bass)... and considering some sensory issues with my girlfriend as well... I mean, I don't want to be that guy who doesn't care about what my significant other wants, but if it keeps me from being functional that day it might pose a slight problem. However, if I had a good sleep I'm hyperactive and loud in the morning (or whenever I wake up) and all over the place. That's something some people can't deal well with at all.
 
I sleep next to my wife but she knows that I have a lot of difficulty being touched when I sleep so she stays on her side of the bed (king size) and we sleep well. But every time she rolls over or I roll over and we touch, I will wake up and I have to readjust to move to a place on the bed where I can be untouched.

As for the kids thing... She sleeps in her own bed aside from spending 5 minutes in the bed with us to wake us up in the morning and 5 minutes to read her a bedtime story.
 
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