Should I be trying to make friends as a young autistic?

[8398]

I watched a video about making friends, the reasons why it can be hard and how to improve the chances. It wasn't autism specific.
Some of the obstacles and reasons why people struggle making friends- a lot of them are ways that autistics naturally are. For example: Staying at home doing independent activities and not getting out there. Or, not maintaining friendships, inviting others out.

They brought up how kids are using more tik tok than potentially friendship enabling activities and that people are lonelier.

It got me thinking about how, I really enjoy being by myself and doing independent activities!

Part of me is thinking I should just try to make friends, even if I'm not really feeling it.

On one hand, other people rarely intellectually stimulate me. There's also no community vibe or survival reason, the stuff that causes natural friendships. (I hate that) It can feel kind of pointless often times. "I like this show" "Oh yeah, I love that show too!" *shrugs* what's the point? I often have post-apocalyptic dreams where I'm teamed up with people, aid others and protect. Now, I like that!

But... I probably would be wise to try to reach out and make friends. It just seems wise.

I have always thought that I just want that one person, but I recently was abused from "that one person". And my family saved me from a 4 year cycle. If I would have had FRIENDS then I would have possibly been less likely to be stuck in that situation.

So what do you think? have friends really served you well and do you think at a young age it's wise to really put yourself out there and make friends?

 

[Tired]

do you think at a young age it's wise to really put yourself out there and make friends?

Yes.

 

[Misery]

I think this is one of those questions that will have a different answer from different people.

Like for me, at that age, you could have offered to give me a large sum of money, and in exchange I would have to go and specifically try to meet new people IRL, and in response I would have thrown a chair at you and run away. Even to this day, I find the idea revolting, and will go to great trouble to avoid such a situation.

But that's just me. The very same thing may be exactly the thing that really helps someone else move forward and thrive.

The only one who can really determine what is going to work for you best, is you.

 

[Shamar]

I watched a video about making friends, the reasons why it can be hard and how to improve the chances. It wasn't autism specific.
Some of the obstacles and reasons why people struggle making friends- a lot of them are ways that autistics naturally are. For example: Staying at home doing independent activities and not getting out there. Or, not maintaining friendships, inviting others out.

They brought up how kids are using more tik tok than potentially friendship enabling activities and that people are lonelier.

It got me thinking about how, I really enjoy being by myself and doing independent activities!

Part of me is thinking I should just try to make friends, even if I'm not really feeling it.

On one hand, other people rarely intellectually stimulate me. There's also no community vibe or survival reason, the stuff that causes natural friendships. (I hate that) It can feel kind of pointless often times. "I like this show" "Oh yeah, I love that show too!" *shrugs* what's the point? I often have post-apocalyptic dreams where I'm teamed up with people, aid others and protect. Now, I like that!

But... I probably would be wise to try to reach out and make friends. It just seems wise.

I have always thought that I just want that one person, but I recently was abused from "that one person". And my family saved me from a 4 year cycle. If I would have had FRIENDS then I would have possibly been less likely to be stuck in that situation.

So what do you think? have friends really served you well and do you think at a young age it's wise to really put yourself out there and make friends?

I am probably the last person qualified to respond to this post, but I may be able to offer some perspective from my own observations and experience. Think about what you mean by TRY to make friends. Either it happens or it doesn't, it seems like putting effort into making friends will quickly get you labeled as weird or a loser. Putting yourself out there and making yourself available is a different matter. Be careful how you offer yourself and who you try to be friends with. Many (actually, almost all) of the people calling themselves my friend were there to cheat me, take advantage of me, or set me up for public humiliation. I generally knew what was coming, but I went along because the knowingly false illusion of friendship was better than being alone, even if only temporary. One of the most offensive things I heard growing up was "Just go out and meet people."

Don't try to force it, just let it happen.

 

[8398]

The only one who can really determine what is going to work for you best, is you.

I had a feeling the answer would be something like that. Wahhhh xD
Well, I think the answer for myself is, that I'm bored and lonely. I also have a lot of time I need to recover from what happened to me, so that could be influencing me a lot...

I am probably the last person qualified to respond to this post, but I may be able to offer some perspective from my own observations and experience. Think about what you mean by TRY to make friends. Either it happens or it doesn't, it seems like putting effort into making friends will quickly get you labeled as weird or a loser. Putting yourself out there and making yourself available is a different matter. Be careful how you offer yourself and who you try to be friends with. Many (actually, almost all) of the people calling themselves my friend were there to cheat me, take advantage of me, or set me up for public humiliation. I generally knew what was coming, but I went along because the knowingly false illusion of friendship was better than being alone, even if only temporary. One of the most offensive things I heard growing up was "Just go out and meet people."

Don't try to force it, just let it happen.

Yeah, putting myself out there! That's exactly my intent. I've been extremely reclusive.
I recently opened up to another person and it seemed to be going really well. They were kind of grandiose in liking me. And now I'm confused because they aren't responding to me much even though I've been very mindful. I feel like a loser, a desperate dog right now, like please don't leave me after saying all that But I'm keeping it under wraps of course and I'm grateful to have at least the opportunity and to learn.

If I let myself be natural I wont make friends in one sense, I understand what you mean though.

 

[Rodafina]

...do you think at a young age it's wise to really put yourself out there and make friends?

@8398

Do you have any ideas for how to "put yourself out there" in order to make friends?

 

[8398]

@Rodafina
That's a good question... That may be where I'm basically at right now and should be asking myself.
Well, I tried a dating app that I kind of used also for finding friends, once I started talking to that aforementioned person I quickly deleted it, only had it for a week, it's just kinda... Icky... yet, kind of effective. I didn't like it.
I think I want to put myself out there relating to my artwork because it expresses a unique thing about myself and I'm "good" at it.

I'm also going to be moving to a town with a college in it. Most other's in their 20's, not going to lie though, I really don't vibe with.

 

[Rodafina]

I think I want to put myself out there relating to my artwork because it expresses a unique thing about myself and I'm "good" at it.

Sounds like a good idea. You can be confident in this aspect of yourself and hopefully find others with complimentary interests.

I'm also going to be moving to a town with a college in it. Most other's in their 20's, not going to lie though, I really don't vibe with.

Sometimes, college towns can be more diverse than they initially appear to be. There may be fringe groups, unique individuals, oddballs, others who "don't vibe" - these are the kind of folks I like. Maybe you'll find some people who share your interest in art.

I have had good experiences interacting with people through structured activities like volunteering. Sometimes, it lead to something like friendship.

 

[jsilver256]

If you want to be an independent and functioning member of society - yes. The world is run on social connections. Every job I have had was from making connections.

It's not always enjoyable, it's probably not something you'll excel in, but it is something you can minimally learn to fake to be a more independent person in the end.

And perhaps you'll make a couple of lifelong friends from it. I did.

 

[Tom]

Yes, and as you alluded to, not all your eggs in one basket. Friends are not only there to satisfy your own needs. You also learn from them and can have the opportunity to help them.

 

[undertheradar]

Whatever you do... Don't do it the way I did it... I watched a bunch of movies, and watched people... And then I used what I learned so that I could figure out how to make friends... And it works... But it's exhausting and then you start wondering if they're actually your friends

 

[Shamar]

I had a feeling the answer would be something like that. Wahhhh xD
Well, I think the answer for myself is, that I'm bored and lonely. I also have a lot of time I need to recover from what happened to me, so that could be influencing me a lot...



Yeah, putting myself out there! That's exactly my intent. I've been extremely reclusive.
I recently opened up to another person and it seemed to be going really well. They were kind of grandiose in liking me. And now I'm confused because they aren't responding to me much even though I've been very mindful. I feel like a loser, a desperate dog right now, like please don't leave me after saying all that But I'm keeping it under wraps of course and I'm grateful to have at least the opportunity and to learn.

If I let myself be natural I wont make friends in one sense, I understand what you mean though.

Remember, there is a difference between "Putting yourself out there" and "Throwing yourself at people." One can slowly make friends. The other quickly labels you as a desperate loser, and generates no friends. I leave it to you to figure which is which.

 

[VictorR]

Sometimes, college towns can be more diverse than they initially appear to be. There may be fringe groups, unique individuals, oddballs, others who "don't vibe" - these are the kind of folks I like. Maybe you'll find some people who share your interest in art.

I have had good experiences interacting with people through structured activities like volunteering. Sometimes, it lead to something like friendship.

I've always liked activities as a safe way of interacting - you might make connections but don't have to feel compelled to go any further, and the activity provides something to focus on or chat about.

Casual / drop in events are also nice since there's no pressure to go.

Sometimes meetup participants become close acquaintances / meetup friends where you catch up on each others' lives whenever you meet, and sometimes they may evolve into regular friendship where you may chat or meet outside of the group as well.

 

[All-Rounder]

You should definitely try in different ways. I thought I'd never be looking for friends in the way I did but I made massive effort and found almost everyone I've ever had in class since school to higher ed studies so that was a lot of effort.

A lot of them replied and some were excited however plenty moved away and have busy family lives and are heavy workers and have kids so you can't catch them without kids or away from home or family. Some agreed and accepted but so far zero success other than keeping in touch online but rarely messaging anymore.

However I'm proud of myself and I never saw myself getting here. I can at least say I tried so it's achievement for me but I need to up a level and meet eager\available strangers which is automatically a risk I'm not sure if worth it. I struggle with the idea, with greater risk may be greater success.

That's a huge challenge for my area because I don't want to use the most used platform for strangers because of how unsafe it is and I don't have alternatives locally. But with classmates I knew how they treated me, and what their personality was like, so there's much more control over who you meet.

 

[FayetheAspie]

My opinion on making friends is this - I really would like to have friends, however if I must pretend to be be someone I am not and/or do things that I believe to be wrong in order for a person to accept me as their friend then the friendship is not worth pursuing and they would have most likely not been a true friend anyway.

 

[undertheradar]

My opinion on making friends is this - I really would like to have friends, however if I must pretend to be be someone I am not and/or do things that I believe to be wrong in order for a person to accept me as their friend then the friendship is not worth pursuing and they would have most likely not been a true friend anyway.

If you pretend long enough you won't be able to tell you from the pretend... It's a weird thing