Should I ‘just give up on people’ for a while?

[Chimorin]

I mean, I want connections with people, sure, and it eats away at me that I don’t have them, but at this point I have no energy to put up with the caveats of maintaining friendships, relationships, etc, particularly fighting, arguments, and social hierarchy stuff (which tears me up the wall, but at my oh so young age, is sadly important). My interests are also very narrowed down and don’t really relate to anyone. I suppose I just miss when I was actually quite popular for a while before the burnout I guess, I definitely don’t miss the old connections but I liked the dopamine I got from it.

Should I just give up on people for a while persevere for the next couple years and accept the reality that this might be a forever thing? At this point I think it’s more healthy than just ruminating in my thoughts of wanting to go back to time I will never find again.

Thank you for taking your time to read this or simply just checking this thread, whoever you are.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I personally don't recall much fighting or arguments at 18. If you encounter people who cause such friction, best to distance yourself from their bad vibes. Only arguing and fighting i had at that age was towards the end of my first romantic relationship.

Avoidance will only get you so far. But if you're still experiencing symptoms of burnout, then it's best to focus on self care and recharging.

Some solitude can help, but you can also end up having too much of a good thing. Balance is key in all areas of life.

Ed

 

[Outdated]

I have no energy to put up with the caveats of maintaining friendships, relationships, etc, particularly fighting, arguments, and social hierarchy stuff

You need to learn to set boundaries that you will not let people cross. As long as you keep pandering to that sort of nonsense people will have little to no respect for you and continue to use you as a punching bag.

That's pretty much what I think is happening to another member here complaining about a girl ghosting him, the fact that he keeps coming back means she will see him as weak willed and easily manipulated. It's too late for him to try and undo that damage with her, she already sees him as less than a man.

Socialise but on your own terms, never on other people's terms. If you're not happy with a situation walk away but don't consider that the end of your social life, find a better crowd to hang out with. Life's too short to waste it on people that are just going to drag you down to their level.

 

[Chimorin]

I personally don't recall much fighting or arguments at 18. If you encounter people who cause such friction, best to distance yourself from their bad vibes. Only arguing and fighting i had at that age was towards the end of my first romantic relationship.

Avoidance wool only get you so far. But if you're still experiencing symptoms of burnout, then it's best to focus on self care and recharging.

Some solitude can help, but you can also end up having too much of a good thing. Balance is key in all areas of life.

Ed

Long story short, I had very bad experiences with people. In short, got bullied severely (punched, kicked, name called, whole sha-bang). Got used a lot and my ‘friends’ were drug addicts who I had to constantly bail out of their problems (drug + alcohol related, other issues, you get the picture) who also all turned me when I bailed one of them in the group out of a toxic relationship since his girlfriend got him on all sorts of drugs and alcohol (I didn’t want him to end up like my friend who sadly passed away via OD and hanging, knew him for 10 years at that point). Needless to say my dealings with people weren’t the prettiest growing up which probably exacerbated the burnout and subconsciously I suppose I identify all people as threats, so I should work on that for a start. I dunno man, I dunno.

 

[Chimorin]

You need to learn to set boundaries that you will not let people cross. As long as you keep pandering to that sort of nonsense people will have little to no respect for you and continue to use you as a punching bag.

That's pretty much what I think is happening to another member here complaining about a girl ghosting him, the fact that he keeps coming back means she will see him as weak willed and easily manipulated. It's too late for him to try and undo that damage with her, she already sees him as less than a man.

Socialise but on your own terms, never on other people's terms. If you're not happy with a situation walk away but don't consider that the end of your social life, find a better crowd to hang out with. Life's too short to waste it on people that are just going to drag you down to their level.

Very true, I suppose I shot myself in the foot really. I just wanted to survive I guess if you know what I’m trying to say.

 

[Raggamuffin]

As a former addict - ditch those people permanently. They're users, and the way they've treated you shows their true colours.

Listen to your gut. If something feels off about someone, or they treat you in a way that makes you feel bad, then it's time to put up a healthy boundary and walk.

There's so many people out in the world. It can take a while to find some you vibe with, but again - follow your intuition.

Ed

 

[Chimorin]

As a former addict - ditch those people permanently. They're users, and the way they've treated you shows their true colours.

Listen to your gut. If something feels off about someone, or they treat you in a way that makes you feel bad, then it's time to put up a healthy boundary and walk.

There's so many people out in the world. It can take a while to find some you vibe with, but again - follow your intuition.

Ed

Thanks for confirming I made the right choice. I have for a while now, hence why I’m at this point. Overall though, albeit hard, I had to and did so, so I did. Hopefully I’ll overcome this burnout someday and meet new people.

 

[Xinyta]

I do think time away, is a good idea. Like @Raggamuffin said. You need to take care of yourself. You are priority in your own life over others.

It's not selfish to take time to heal. But don't kill socail interaction as a whole.

Once you are ready for it. Look for people that will not be stressful to be around. There will always be some awkwardness with socail. But good people who understand you, will not hold it against you or poke fun of you. But it also is something that requires effort on your part too. Especially when you do get uncomfortable/overwhelmed.

Socail interaction is a two way road. It just tends to be full of pot holes and rock slides for us, when interacting with NTs.

 

[Chimorin]

I do think time away, is a good idea. Like @Raggamuffin said. You need to take care of yourself. You are priority in your own life over others.

It's not selfish to take time to heal. But don't kill socail interaction as a whole.

Once you are ready for it. Look for people that will not be stressful to be around. There will always be some awkwardness with socail. But good people who understand you, will not hold it against you or poke fun of you. But it also is something that requires effort on your part too. Especially when you do get uncomfortable/overwhelmed.

Socail interaction is a two way road. It just tends to be full of pot holes and rock slides for us, when interacting with NTs.

Agreed. I just need to find people who also have autism I guess who can understand my quirks if you know what I’m trying to say. I don’t know how I will, but I will.

 

[Outdated]

I just need to find people who also have autism I guess who can understand my quirks if you know what I’m trying to say.

I had a very active social life until I was in my late 40s, and very few of the people I knew had obvious autistic traits, but they all accepted me as I am. There's a lot of good people out there if you go looking for them, just don't waste your time with wankers.

And never drop your boundaries, if you don't have respect for yourself then no one else will have respect for you either.

 

[Chimorin]

I had a very active social life until I was in my late 40s, and very few of the people I knew had obvious autistic traits, but they all accepted me as I am. There's a lot of good people out there if you go looking for them, just don't waste your time with wankers.

And never drop your boundaries, if you don't have respect for yourself then no one else will have respect for you either.

Very true, well said.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I mean, I want connections with people, sure, and it eats away at me that I don’t have them, but at this point I have no energy to put up with the caveats of maintaining friendships, relationships, etc, particularly fighting, arguments, and social hierarchy stuff (which tears me up the wall, but at my oh so young age, is sadly important). My interests are also very narrowed down and don’t really relate to anyone. I suppose I just miss when I was actually quite popular for a while before the burnout I guess, I definitely don’t miss the old connections but I liked the dopamine I got from it.

Should I just give up on people for a while persevere for the next couple years and accept the reality that this might be a forever thing? At this point I think it’s more healthy than just ruminating in my thoughts of wanting to go back to time I will never find again.

Thank you for taking your time to read this or simply just checking this thread, whoever you are.

There may be some benefit to taking a pause, letting your stress to drop, clear your head, and "recalibrate" before trying again.

At 58, I know there are things I can change, and things I can't. It is simply a part of my life, that is, not fully understanding human behavior because everyone else seems to be operating on a "Microsoft" operating system and I am running "Mac OS". My brain is operating on different wavelengths and thought patterns, this much is quite obvious. I can mimic some of the behaviors and achieve some of the same goals, but the process is different. I can't take the advice of others and internalize it the way others might. I simply have to do things MY way, even if it means trial and error repeatedly. In the end, I think you will get to a point in your life where you find your gifts, the things you do much better than others, and play to those strengths. You sure as Hell are not going to be able to please everyone because there's no way to anticipate all those social and communication landmines just waiting for you to step into. You simply keep moving forward and not worry about offending the few, just assume it will happen and accept it as "business as usual".

Be the best version of you that you can be, and most will recognize it. Don't concern yourself with the few who just want to complain about this and that.