Should you tell people you're an aspie?

[Momo]

I'm fairly certain many people on this forum have shared a similar experience. That blank stare midway through a conversation when someone is either thinking there's something off, or just flat out asks if you're weird in the head or a sociopath. I wonder if it's a bad idea to tell people, even friends and family, if you're an aspie or autistic? If they're already thinking your a sociopath it really couldn't be much worse, could it? And yes, I know people gossip, but when you have no friends and people already think you're a weirdo it couldn't hurt.

I myself haven't even brought up the topic of Aspergers with my family, as my father refused to let me be diagnosed when I was younger because he didn't want the stigma and I honestly think that my family would treat me even worse and ostracise me if I did bring it up. Funny, since my father to this day still will tell me I'm a "f***** up person". So my question is, does it even mattter? If people will not accept you for who you are then is there even really any point in putting up a front in the first place, whether these people are close or not, especially when the average-Joe can see through it. Just my random ramblings. And as always, thanks for your input.

 

[LogicalMind]

You are very young...but you have alot of potential... putting up a front can be to your advantage...but dont let it stress you out... The important thing at the end of the day is you...You are important...and your goals one day...your dreams...your desires...but until then...you must be dormant... Dont draw too much attention until you have a stronger foothold in life...but many of us do understand you...Your time of success will come soon... be patient and encouraged until then

 

[WereBear]

I told my mother, who after all was interviewed by my diagnostician, and the one other relative I'm close to. I see signs in other relatives, but I'm not going to bring up the subject because that person seems to be doing ok. If they were struggling, it might be different.

I shared with a boss with a lot of computer experience, so I figured it was likely he would "get it." And he did; this hasn't hurt me so far. And I only did that because I was getting sick a lot and I wanted him to know we had figured out my health issues; and indeed, I'm not taking sick days like I used to.

I told my Significant Other; which actually eased his mind about why and how I do things. Didn't change me a bit after all, and neither did our relationship. There's just more closeness because he now realizes he baffles me as much as I baffle him

Friends who have known me for a long time; yes, I told them. Because they were all worried about my health and I wanted them to know an answer has been found. Almost all of them were supportive.

People need explanations. Sometimes. Some people. It's really a gamble no matter what we do. And it doesn't help that general knowledge on autism is about as much as the typical person knows about the life at the bottom of the Marianas Trench.

In fact, I have declared to my friends, "You know those bacteria who live in the volcanic vents deep in the ocean? Science knows more about them that it does about women with Asperger Syndrome."

 

[clg114]

No.

 

[Judge]

"Need-to-know" basis only.

Otherwise expect the possibility of getting "bushwhacked", even if you think you know someone quite well.

Of the few people in my tiny orbit that I have told, virtually all of them have contrasting levels of acceptance and understanding. From my brother who seems to accept it and agree with my own observations in growing up, to my cousin who seems to reject and dismiss the very concept of autism itself.

Risky business telling much of anyone. Where there are potential consequences you may have never seen coming.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

it depends on how comfortable you feel with talking about it, and how comfortable you think the people will be with knowing. I usually tell people if they try to educate me on it, or if they are spreading negative stigma about those on the spectrum. it's a matter of perspective and the right place and right time, really.

 

[Maelstrom]

I'm fairly certain many people on this forum have shared a similar experience. That blank stare midway through a conversation when someone is either thinking there's something off, or just flat out asks if you're weird in the head or a sociopath. I wonder if it's a bad idea to tell people, even friends and family, if you're an aspie or autistic? If they're already thinking your a sociopath it really couldn't be much worse, could it? And yes, I know people gossip, but when you have no friends and people already think you're a weirdo it couldn't hurt.

I myself haven't even brought up the topic of Aspergers with my family, as my father refused to let me be diagnosed when I was younger because he didn't want the stigma and I honestly think that my family would treat me even worse and ostracise me if I did bring it up. Funny, since my father to this day still will tell me I'm a "f***** up person". So my question is, does it even mattter? If people will not accept you for who you are then is there even really any point in putting up a front in the first place, whether these people are close or not, especially when the average-Joe can see through it. Just my random ramblings. And as always, thanks for your input.

It can backfire if you don't want to lose that person.
I tell people...but in a sense I use it as a defensive weapon...I do not like wasting endless time on friends who will turn on me when they finally figure it out.

You can never tell who is going to treat you good or bad two parents in my church with autistic kids have ended up showing me the least respect of everyone...???

So I just tell them and watch their faces and see if they treat me with less respect...I got rid of my doctor he just assumed I was crazy because I am HF auti/aspie I am at least as smart as him.

Some people are just not worth the time they are so bigoted...once they put you in a box no amount of evidence can get you back out.
I get rid of those kinds of people...they are stupid, and not nice, and not worth my time.
And I can only handle a few friends anyways, better to find someone with a good heart to spend my time on.

Telling people at work is a toss up it could cost you your job...or save your job...one can get certain tax write offs for the Employer if you get a official rating.
I have that...hasn't helped so far but it might someday?

 

[Bolletje]

You don't have to tell, but you can. I've told friends and family, but I don't tell people at job interviews. I tell them what I need to be successful at my job, though.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I wasn't officially diagnosed but my therapist highly suspects it. I only told a select few people about it. I told my few close friends about it because I am constantly paranoid about losing them due to my behavior, so I felt like if they know about it then they wouldn't leave me because now they know that my brain is just wired differently, and so instead of leaving me they'd simply understand why I do what I do. It's a miracle I even made some friends in the first place, and I gotta do whatever I can to hold on to them.

I also told a coworker who suspected that I had it, just to confirm that she was right. I told another coworker because I have a tendency to annoy her (never on purpose), and so that she doesn't think that I'm some kind of jerk. There was another coworker who overheard this, and so he knows too. Didn't tell my boss because he might start thinking that I'm just using it as an excuse and see me in a negative light for making excuses.

 

[WildCat]

Never, unless the situation specifically calls for it. My close family knows as do the people who diagnosed me; as for everyone else, they can guess. None of their business.

My mental health is my own private matter, unless of course I do something really out of character...and even then, autism isn't the excuse people would like it to be. I'm a human being, after all

 

[JamesBon92007]

I've considered telling people who invite me to social situations so they will know I have certain limitations. I don't have an official diagnosis and so far I'm not sure that I need one. After reading the books and taking the quizzes I don't think there can be any doubt. So far I, or my girlfriend, have simply told people that I can't go anywhere that is playing rock and roll (or bagpipes) and any number of other loud noises and that I can't stand TVs, radios, or, especially, commercials. If they don't want to socialize with me then that is fine. My personal experience is that most people can't seem to stand not having some kind of electronically-generated noise going on all the time. The few that are not bothered by relative silence are the ones I end up associating with. The way I see it is if I tell someone and they can't accept it then I would probably not fit in with their environment anyway.

 

[Jet Weiss]

I never tell people anymore unless it is of some benefit to tell them, as in meeting with a therapist, etc.
Unfortunately most people are judgmental and there is so much stigma surrounding Autism and Asperger's; it doesn't make a lot of sense to go around telling people.
Also, as is the case with any condition, your diagnosis is your personal business and you shouldn't have to disclose it, especially if you don't feel comfortable telling others or don't think it will serve you well to tell them.

 

[paloftoon]

A low functioning person may benefit more from revealing, but someone who wants to be respected and not lean on a crutch should only disclose to close, trusted friends and when it is required such as a specific type of job program or something like that.

 

[Maelstrom]

A low functioning person may benefit more from revealing, but someone who wants to be respected and not lean on a crutch should only disclose to close, trusted friends and when it is required such as a specific type of job program or something like that.

Yes but I hate THE LOOK the one they give you when they realize you are a little not normal...like they just stepped in dog poop???
I'd rather get it over with up front...let them run to the other side of the room good-riddance!
My view is if I am too uncool to be seen with...get out!
I don't want any pretend friends faking they like me until a higher rung on social ladder shows up.
I do not recognize the social status they try to place on me, I do not *bend to the world...I make the world bend to me...I generate my own gravity well.
*sorry fixed the bad typo

If you hold the line long enough...even the Big Dogs take notice and grudgingly parcel out some respect eventually.

I win by not caring how much I lose!

 

[Alaska]

I'm fairly certain many people on this forum have shared a similar experience. That blank stare midway through a conversation when someone is either thinking there's something off, or just flat out asks if you're weird in the head or a sociopath. I wonder if it's a bad idea to tell people, even friends and family, if you're an aspie or autistic? If they're already thinking your a sociopath it really couldn't be much worse, could it? And yes, I know people gossip, but when you have no friends and people already think you're a weirdo it couldn't hurt.

I myself haven't even brought up the topic of Aspergers with my family, as my father refused to let me be diagnosed when I was younger because he didn't want the stigma and I honestly think that my family would treat me even worse and ostracise me if I did bring it up. Funny, since my father to this day still will tell me I'm a "f***** up person". So my question is, does it even mattter? If people will not accept you for who you are then is there even really any point in putting up a front in the first place, whether these people are close or not, especially when the average-Joe can see through it. Just my random ramblings. And as always, thanks for your input.

I have tried telling a few people to see what their reaction will be. Some can't clear out fast enough, as if they think it is contagious or something. Maybe Autism Spectrum cooties?

A few clearly cared enough to do research on it. My nice sister said immediately that it makes sense that I have it. Her attitude has changed since, some of it is good, but maybe not all of it. I think she may be thinking less of the support I offer her and wanting less contact. I sort of regret this last bit.

I am thinking telling people may be a good sorting method to know who you can trust and depend on. I think I will be more careful about it now, though.

It seemed wonderful to me to know about having Aspergers and knowing what I am dealing with and having a better idea on what to work on to improve myself. It seemed as if anybody I was close to would automatically feel good about it also. Nope. We have to think about it and be careful.

 

[theconservativeaspie]

I'm sorry that your parents have treated you this way about your autism. My parents are very accepting of my autism. I think that you should tell them how you feel when they say that. Maybe if they knew how you felt, they would not be so hard on you

 

[JamesBon92007]

I
A few clearly cared enough to do research on it. .

I first heard of Asperger's while doing research on autism. My daughter was dating a guy who's sister has autism. It was very likely that we would be inviting his whole family over for dinner etc. so I wanted to have some idea as to what to expect and possible ways to deal with it, plus what to do and not to do. It turned out that I found out very little about autism (this was perhaps 10 years ago) but did end up taking an Aspie quiz. I was also a bit surprised and somewhat stunned that there didn't seem to be any disability laws that applied to autism, at least none that I could find. My impression at the time was that you are supposed to keep them locked in the basement.

 

[AtomicBlondie]

Disclosing your diagnosis is a truly personal decision. I would evaluate first whether such disclosure would likely cause harm or be helpful in acquiring understanding or accommodations.

After careful consideration, I've decided to disclose my Autism. Why? For months, I have followed blogs, discussions, talks, etc in which the only voices often heard on Autism are parents, partners, or caregivers of ASD individuals. Sadly, we are frequently not painted in the best of light in these discussions--we are a problem to be solved, a burden, a mystery, etc. Others--who aren't on the spectrum--are controlling the Autsim narrative. We should be driving the discussions out there just as much as we do here. We can't control or impact the way the world sees us if we hide.

Take for example a blog post I saw yesterday on The Mighty about Autism, children, and food aversions. I was floored by the comments I saw written almost 100% by parents. Some parents, under the advice of the medical community, have almost starved their children (to the point of hospitalization!) who refused to eat certain food items. They just don't understand how horrible our food aversions can be, how it's not a matter of will or choice. If we're not out there providing a voice, opinion, or explanation, these things will keep happening to us--especially to those on the so-called lower functioning spectrum and to those who are non-verbal.

Again, disclosure is entirely a personal decision and you've got to weigh the pros and cons for yourself and your unique situation. That said, I'm not remaining silent anymore.

 

[Maelstrom]

Disclosing your diagnosis is a truly personal decision. I would evaluate first whether such disclosure would likely cause harm or be helpful in acquiring understanding or accommodations.

After careful consideration, I've decided to disclose my Autism. Why? For months, I have followed blogs, discussions, talks, etc in which the only voices often heard on Autism are parents, partners, or caregivers of ASD individuals. Sadly, we are frequently not painted in the best of light in these discussions--we are a problem to be solved, a burden, a mystery, etc. Others--who aren't on the spectrum--are controlling the Autsim narrative. We should be driving the discussions out there just as much as we do here. We can't control or impact the way the world sees us if we hide.

Take for example a blog post I saw yesterday on The Mighty about Autism, children, and food aversions. I was floored by the comments I saw written almost 100% by parents. Some parents, under the advice of the medical community, have almost starved their children (to the point of hospitalization!) who refused to eat certain food items. They just don't understand how horrible our food aversions can be, how it's not a matter of will or choice. If we're not out there providing a voice, opinion, or explanation, these things will keep happening to us--especially to those on the so-called lower functioning spectrum and to those who are non-verbal.

Again, disclosure is entirely a personal decision and you've got to weigh the pros and cons for yourself and your unique situation. That said, I'm not remaining silent anymore.

Yeah! the food wars were dreadful...and never worked...I never learned to like one single item...and just ended up hating even more!

So lovely choking down mouth fulls of up barfed food with water!

Learned to swallow whole mouthfuls of food like a Bowa constrictor with bit of water with each bite! Yay!

Diner was sooo! fun!

...would the world have ended with a sandwich?

 

[AtomicBlondie]

Totally agree

Yeah! the food wars were dreadful...and never worked...I never learned to like one single item...and just ended up hating even more!

So lovely choking down mouth fulls of up barfed food with water!

Learned to swallow whole mouthfuls of food like a Bowa constrictor with bit of water with each bite! Yay!

Diner was sooo! fun!

...would the world have ended with a sandwich?

Agree! I'm at a very healthy body weight, exercise each day, have perfect cholesterol and blood glucose levels...and I have never ate more than a nibble of a vegetable in my life (vegetables are my strongest food aversions). Somehow, I survived into adulthood without them.

Diversity of diet is a relatively new thing and a privileged thing. There are still places in this world in which people have a very limited and restricted diet and yet they survive and thrive.