Shut out by my supervisor

[Emmz]

Hi guys.

I started a new office job last month. People mostly seem nice. I work in a team of three, including my supervisor. My other colleague started around the same time as me, although he is on a permanent contract while mine is only for 12 months. He's fresh out of uni, whereas I have 20 years' experience, so I admit I feel resentful that he was considered the more attractive proposition. But I realise this is how the world of work operates and I just have to suck it up. He's also not a bad kid and has always been OK with me.

However, I do feel our supervisor treats us very differently - not in terms of allocating work, but she takes an interest in his life, whereas she never asks me about mine, and the two of them are always laughing and joking together. If I try to join in, I feel she dismisses me and puts me down, which makes me feel left out and heightens my concern that the organisation will want to get rid of me as soon as my contract ends. (I've been sacked before for not fitting in.)

I'm terrible at confronting people over something like this, as I worry that if I do then she will respond by saying something critical of me, I won't be able to take it and start crying, and I'll make a complete fool of myself and lose the respect of everyone. But the alternative, from experience, is that I'll do nothing and the situation will continue to eat away at me until it becomes more and more of an issue.

I wonder if you feel I should wait until she next puts me down, then say something relatively low-key like: "Why are you always so dismissive?" But I'm not sure I could even manage this!

 

[Autistamatic]

Is she flirting with this young fellah or just socialising? It's the first thing that came to mind to explain the difference. I found myself in a similar position once before and found out later that's what was really going on.

 

[Judge]

True, it's easy to assume there's something going on between a supervisor and their subordinate, and that you are simply an unwanted "third wheel" in the way of an office romance.

But there's something likely more serious in play. Office environments which either deliberately or inadvertently maintain a sort of "caste system". Worse still, when certain employees make it seem that way only because they themselves have a caste mentality, as opposed to company policy and culture.

That in her mind, he has value because he is an employee. You do not because you are a temporary contractor. That there is no reason to spend any real effort on you other than to police you in the event you do something wrong. And if you do something really right, who cares? You're only temporary and she'll likely never let you forget it. Made all the more worse in the event this person flat out doesn't like you personally.

Having been in such an environment as a contractor with a major corporation, I was lucky though my contract had no official expiration date. However I was still a non-employee. Lucky for me, I can think of only one person who maintained such an attitude towards me when everyone else was quite cordial.

In that instance it's quite probably that the only way for you to get into the good graces of such a person is to become an actual employee rather than maintain your contractor status.

Rude and unfair, but some folks are completely inflexible when it comes to social protocols in the workplace.

 

[Mattymatt]

You're in a temporary position so there's no harm in you continuing to look for something better. I've been in this position before myself and it ain't no fun no how. The best you can do is look for something better. No one can begrudge you for wanting something where you're a direct employee.

 

[Mia]

So you feel treated differently? It's likely you probably are. She may even be attracted to this other employee. And he may very likely using that as a way to curry favor. There may be so many reasons why this has happened, a mutual attraction between the two of them.

Your supervisor may not get along with females very well, or even like them. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's you specifically, it may be most women in the business.

If I was in your situation, I would try not let it 'eat away' at me. Everyone you meet does not have to like you. Disliked some people as well that I've worked with. You don't have to engage in friendships with people whose personalities are anathema to you. Through no fault of your own. Think that this is about them, and had little to do with who you are.

Often three people on a team or in a group usually makes for someone on the periphery. As long as you are not being given most of work to complete while they are socializing.

 

[Emmz]

Is she flirting with this young fellah or just socialising?

Well, she's a lot older than him so I'd be very surprised if anything is going on. But it could well be that she enjoys mothering him!

 

[Emmz]

You're in a temporary position so there's no harm in you continuing to look for something better.

Yes, I'm keeping my eyes open for something permanent. But this job has its advantages - plus, from experience, anywhere else is likely to come with similar or worse problems. So I don't want to jump ship too hastily.

 

[Judge]

Well, she's a lot older than him so I'd be very surprised if anything is going on. But it could well be that she enjoys mothering him!

Sounds more likely that he's being mentored more than mothered.

But as an employee rather than a contractor.

 

[Judge]

Yes, I'm keeping my eyes open for something permanent. But this job has its advantages - plus, from experience, anywhere else is likely to come with similar or worse problems. So I don't want to jump ship too hastily.

Good idea. Bide your time. There may be other jobs with the same employer. Where you may well escape the scorn of a single employee's prejudice of you as a contractor.

 

[Emmz]

I

If I was in your situation, I would try not let it 'eat away' at me. Everyone you meet does not have to like you. Disliked some people as well that I've worked with. You don't have to engage in friendships with people whose personalities are anathema to you. Through no fault of your own.

I've no interest in becoming friends with either of them - but I think we do have to be friendly, otherwise it would reflect badly on me.

 

[Mia]

I've no interest in becoming friends with either of them - but I think we do have to be friendly, otherwise it would reflect badly on me.

Perhaps, maybe staying polite and not openly unfriendly. Although distancing yourself from them in your mind, might help you. It's not any easy thing to do but in this situation it probably will not help if you appear to not get along.