Shutdowns at work?

[Kari Suttle]

I work as a cashier at a really busy grocery store, have for over a year and a half now. When i first started working there, i would get anxiety attacks from all the noise and commotion (sensitivity to sound) but that hasn't been an issue for a while now. Only if i'm not checking someone out, cleaning/reorganizing, or zoning out on my way back to the break room do i notice all the noise because at that point nothing has seized my attention.

I came here because i've been getting shuttdowns at work. I dont know if thats what they are, though, that's why i came on here to ask you all. Usually its a cumulative thing - really busy day at work, a couple rude people, and then all it takes is one last little trigger and i just...retreat, withdraw, close in i guess. I dont know how to describe it. I go numb emotionally, i can't smile or talk to customers even though i've got the entire transaction scripted in my head, i've even noticed i move slower but that's cause its all forced. I'd much rather curl up under some blankets in bed at that point but i'm at work so i have to work. Does anyone have any sort of advice, or can help me figure this out? Its been happening more...i dont like not doing well at work. That's been the one place i can at least know i'm doing well in but i haven't been.

 

[The Penguin]

It seems like you might need accommodations so you can excel at your job. I don't want to share the wrong advice that can affect you to lose your job. I know you need to connect with an organization that help people with disabilities for employment so you can get accommodation. Maybe the first step is to contact the government and find out what resources out there can help you and if anything they can do to keep your job secure.

 

[Peace]

Yes, it is a "Shutdown", a response to over stimulation. I have dealt with the same thing my whole life. Early on it caused me to fail in school, and then to loose jobs. I did not understand what was happening. I would be in the middle of a conversation, and suddenly realize that I could hear nothing. The other person would be right in front of me, lips moving, hands gesturing, but all was quiet. People would get angry because I was unable to respond. I was powerless to change it.
As I grew older, I began to realize that I could work to change things. I noticed that I could identify the anxiety starting to build. If I could take a break at this point, I could slow or stop the escalation and avoid the overload. It did not always work, but it did have results. The more I worked at it, the better I became.
I am not immune to it now, but I have taken steps to eliminate as much stress as I possibly could and it has helped immensely. I also worked to add pleasurable things to my day. I try to do a "Feel Good" thing a couple of times each day to balance the stress that just being an Aspie brings.
Remember that if you change the input, you will change the output.

 

[Maddox]

... I noticed that I could identify the anxiety starting to build. If I could take a break at this point, I could slow or stop the escalation and avoid the overload. It did not always work, but it did have results.

I admire the results you have achieved. For me it's not anxiety but general stress and frustration that turns into anger and I never realize it until the **** has hit the fan.

 

[Kirsty]

I work as a cashier at a really busy grocery store, have for over a year and a half now. When i first started working there, i would get anxiety attacks from all the noise and commotion (sensitivity to sound) but that hasn't been an issue for a while now. Only if i'm not checking someone out, cleaning/reorganizing, or zoning out on my way back to the break room do i notice all the noise because at that point nothing has seized my attention.

I came here because i've been getting shuttdowns at work. I dont know if thats what they are, though, that's why i came on here to ask you all. Usually its a cumulative thing - really busy day at work, a couple rude people, and then all it takes is one last little trigger and i just...retreat, withdraw, close in i guess. I dont know how to describe it. I go numb emotionally, i can't smile or talk to customers even though i've got the entire transaction scripted in my head, i've even noticed i move slower but that's cause its all forced. I'd much rather curl up under some blankets in bed at that point but i'm at work so i have to work. Does anyone have any sort of advice, or can help me figure this out? Its been happening more...i dont like not doing well at work. That's been the one place i can at least know i'm doing well in but i haven't been.

Sounds like it's a social anxiety issue and perhaps mild depression and low self-esteem? I know the feeling you're describing so well, Kari. I have a mixture of the three and it makes things worse if I have to work with two members of staff who constantly put me down. I can't be bothered interacting with anyone and can't even fake a smile either when I'm in this state even though everything is all scripted in my head, and I automatically feel ugly when around the public like all eyes are on me and thinking that they think I'm nothing or vulnerable looking. I feel like I harden up to get through the day just to push away those negative thoughts, and that takes a lot of energy. As soon as those bullies at work leave before me at the end of their shift, or when I leave, it doesn't take long to feel okay and function well again. Thought this might be a shutdown. You're not alone.

 

[artfull dodger]

Thankfully at my current job, if I get upset at something or with a customer I have to deal with, I can walk back to the warehouse and cool down. Its a separate building and not normaly open to the public. My shop itself is also not normaly open to the customers unless my boss brings one back or I do the same. Between my job being focused on one of my obesssions, and my working alone in the shop. Its about as perfect as I can get for an Aspie friendly job. When I get close to a shutdown, I can feel the stress level and my blood pressure sky rocket. Then I get to the point of freezing up, unable to speak and feeling the need to be alone and fast. If I am unable to escape and the person keeps attacking me verbaly, I will come out of the freeze up and explode back at them, loudly and make a total ass out of myself. Obviously I avoid that at all costs. My boss and the owner are good friends and know of my AS and that if I walk away from an upset customer, that its to protect myself and our company. Usualy after a short while, my boss will come back to my shop to see if I am ok. We are like a big family and when someone is upset or having a bad day, we all try to make it better or help the best way we can. Mike

 

[Dawn Marcotte]

Is it possible for you to take breaks when you need them? If you are shutting down can you finish with the current customer and then take a break? I don't know how it works at your store - I do know that where I shop that could be a bit problematic.

What about asking to work at less busy times? If you only have to work at the really busy times once a week you may find it easier to cope.

Another thought is to wear ear plugs to cut down on the noise that your brain is working so hard to ignore.

Good Luck.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Is it possible for you to take breaks when you need them? If you are shutting down can you finish with the current customer and then take a break? I don't know how it works at your store - I do know that where I shop that could be a bit problematic.

What about asking to work at less busy times? If you only have to work at the really busy times once a week you may find it easier to cope.

Another thought is to wear ear plugs to cut down on the noise that your brain is working so hard to ignore.

Good Luck.

No Dawn, I can't take a break whenever i want. Our breaks are scheduled and we have to wait for another cashier to come relieve us so we can go to break. Meaning our breaks could be late or early hardly ever on time. I already cut my hours as it is, working weekends only. Weekends are always busy. I'm not sure if wearing earplugs would work either...I have to hear the customers, I would expect that earplugs would make them hard to hear. That and i'm not sure it would be allowed without a talk with the supervisor, which i will not consider doing, since we are not allowed to have headphones in on the sales floor and earplugs are similar enough.

 

[Dawn Marcotte]

No Dawn, I can't take a break whenever i want. Our breaks are scheduled and we have to wait for another cashier to come relieve us so we can go to break. Meaning our breaks could be late or early hardly ever on time. I already cut my hours as it is, working weekends only. Weekends are always busy. I'm not sure if wearing earplugs would work either...I have to hear the customers, I would expect that earplugs would make them hard to hear. That and i'm not sure it would be allowed without a talk with the supervisor, which i will not consider doing, since we are not allowed to have headphones in on the sales floor and earplugs are similar enough.

That is what I kind of thought - perhaps it is time to look for a job someplace else - now that you have some work history. Also you might consider working during the day during the week when there are less crowds.

 

[Kari Suttle]

That is what I kind of thought - perhaps it is time to look for a job someplace else - now that you have some work history. Also you might consider working during the day during the week when there are less crowds.

I don't think I would be able to find another job anywhere else. I went many summers of not finding a job before i got this one, and that's because its the easiest place in town to get hired. Plus, other than that one issue with shutdown i like the job itself. It can be challegning in a good way on good days. Besides, as it is i already have a 50hr/wk job babysitting during the week so changing my hours would either not be possible or not feasible, depending on what daytime hours your talking. I need the money to pay for school, my own groceries, and to pay early on my old student loans.

 

[Sarek]

This is exactly why I had to quit my last job.. And why I'm terrified of ever working again.. The shut downs and anxiety turn me into a completely different person..

 

[Meistersinger]

If you have a metabolic disability, such as diabetes, you might be able to get a bit more accommodation. No employer wants to be sued by an employee for going into diabetic shock or a diabetic coma.

 

[Kari Suttle]

If you have a metabolic disability, such as diabetes, you might be able to get a bit more accommodation. No employer wants to be sued by an employee for going into diabetic shock or a diabetic coma.

Um no i don't have diabetes or anything like it. I've never even hinted at having it so you're post confuses me. But yes I am aware that if I had some sort of medical issue I could get accommodations but I don't, though.

 

[dragonwolf]

Um no i don't have diabetes or anything like it. I've never even hinted at having it so you're post confuses me. But yes I am aware that if I had some sort of medical issue I could get accommodations but I don't, though.

He's not saying you do, but rather that if you do, you can leverage it. However, if you are officially diagnosed, then you can get accommodations under the ADA or similar laws if you're not in the US.

If you have a therapist or doctor working with you, they can fill out paperwork that states you need breaks more often. Under the ADA, the employer is required to honor reasonable accommodations, and they'll be hard pressed to say an extra break or two is unreasonable.

 

[Kari Suttle]

He's not saying you do, but rather that if you do, you can leverage it. However, if you are officially diagnosed, then you can get accommodations under the ADA or similar laws if you're not in the US.

If you have a therapist or doctor working with you, they can fill out paperwork that states you need breaks more often. Under the ADA, the employer is required to honor reasonable accommodations, and they'll be hard pressed to say an extra break or two is unreasonable.

Ahh okay that makes sense. I'm not diagnosed so i can't get accommodations under the ADA. I don't plan to seek a diagnosis either. It'd be nice but its expensive and i'm not sure my parents see the point in taking it that far. Plus i'm busy enough without throwing an extensive evaluation in there. Hell i'm breaking as it is without adding that into it too. It would be nice though. But i'm also a girl and a seemingly well adjusted adult so i'm not sure i'd be able to find a doctor willing to diagnose me anyways.

 

[dragonwolf]

Ahh okay that makes sense. I'm not diagnosed so i can't get accommodations under the ADA. I don't plan to seek a diagnosis either. It'd be nice but its expensive and i'm not sure my parents see the point in taking it that far. Plus i'm busy enough without throwing an extensive evaluation in there. Hell i'm breaking as it is without adding that into it too. It would be nice though. But i'm also a girl and a seemingly well adjusted adult so i'm not sure i'd be able to find a doctor willing to diagnose me anyways.

Don't be so quick to dismiss the idea, especially just because you're a "seemingly well adjusted woman." The test, when done properly, is objective enough to get you a diagnosis. I've been there (I'm a seemingly well adjusted woman, myself, with a family, a master's degree, a house, and professional level job, and I still got a diagnosis).

As for the money, check with your insurance provider. It's quite likely they will cover at least a good chunk of it.

For testing adults, the process tends to be far less drawn out than the process for kids. A good chunk of it is the questionnaire you've likely already done on your own. Then, it's an hour or two doing some testing with a psychologist, and that's pretty much it.

The fact that you're under stress will work to your advantage, too, because you'll be less likely to use any "passing" mechanisms you may have, which makes your autistic traits more evident to the evaluator.

Additionally, knowing you have the law on your side if and when you need it takes a ton of the stress off your shoulders and may itself help you cope better.

If you want or need help finding someone that will do the test, feel free to ping me with some info and I'll see what I can dig up.

 

[Elle]

Before diagnosis I had several episodes like this. I worked in retail for 7 years, the last 4 of them in management. Especially around this time of the year it became so incredibly stressful and always felt like something more than "normal" work stress. Many of my jobs were accomodating to my shutdowns. I didnt want to share any personal/medical information with them, but one day I just turned off mid-transaction and ran away and hid. At that point I had to explain I had what I thought were panic attacks, and that I couldn't handle wave after wave of customers. I wad able to get a few more minutes of quiet to myself to try and relax. I would be cautious though, companies arent too keen on dealing with 'problems.' Maybe speak to a doctor about a specific needed accomodation, and speak to a manager and human resources? I had to end up leaving retail work because people and noise became too much for me and I need a lot of time to myself. Everything felt toxic and terrifying. I wasnt diagnosed yet, but with a documented disability there are things the law requires companies to accommodate.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't have much advice, I'm sorry. But I can relate to what you're going through. I work as a receptionist at a medical office, dealing with the constant flow of people, questions, loud children is maddening.
What has helped me is trying to separate myself from it. I view it as the 6 hours a day that I have to perform, it's just a performance. It's not me, and I don't let it touch me. Smiles are forced sometimes,and I'm sure people see that, but I just go through the motions, the script and when I leave at the end of the day I leave it all behind me.
It would be worth even just calling up your GP and seeing what they can help with. I don't know where you're living, but I'm sure there are resources in your area that have sliding scales or free services.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I don't have much advice, I'm sorry. But I can relate to what you're going through. I work as a receptionist at a medical office, dealing with the constant flow of people, questions, loud children is maddening.
What has helped me is trying to separate myself from it. I view it as the 6 hours a day that I have to perform, it's just a performance. It's not me, and I don't let it touch me. Smiles are forced sometimes,and I'm sure people see that, but I just go through the motions, the script and when I leave at the end of the day I leave it all behind me.
It would be worth even just calling up your GP and seeing what they can help with. I don't know where you're living, but I'm sure there are resources in your area that have sliding scales or free services.

Amethyst, thanks for your reply. =) I think you've found a very good way to deal with chaos at work. I agree, i find that the rare times i distance myself a bit from my work that i am the most productive. If i focus on just being an employee of my company, and that is that, then i do better. Now if only i can think that way more often then it would help.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Just an update and a question. Work is going better, apparently i'm a good enough cashier that customers ask other cashiers about me if they couldn't find me to check out in my line. If the customers like me then i must be doing alright after all, even if i have my bad days more often than the other cashiers. I'm trying to focus on scripting and looking at my time on the job as just that, a job. I take things too personally most of the time.

I am curious, though. Is it possible for supervisors to pick up on aspie traits without my having said anything? Cause i've noticed two supervisors in particular have picked up on a few things and adjusted for them. One of them, from a month after i was hired, has been giving me my new register assignments differently than the others. Usually they just walk up to my register, turn off its light, and tell me where to move to all at once while i'm still checking out a customer (i'm a cashier). But this particular supervisor, supervisor one i'll call her, apparently noticed that i can't focus and process what i'm being told while checking someone out and either waits for me to finish or tells me to come find her when i'm finished. She doesn't do that for anyone else that i've seen.

Another newer supervisor did something that suprised me this weekend as well, she made sure to clarify and explain what she wanted when she asked me to go do returns instead of simply telling me to do returns. Because just telling me to do returns confuses me and cause it can mean one of two totally different tasks, and they refer to them both with the same phrase. But this weekend i didn't even have to ask for clarification she just clarified on her own, even told me to make sure to verbally ask the customer service ladies which cart they needed restocked onto the shelves. No one's ever done that before.

But what i'm asking is really this...is it possible that over time they're just picking up on some things about me or are they just flukes? One of the other cashiers is an aspie, i know that for sure. I heard the other supervisors talking amongst each other not long after he was hired.