Situation Suicide

[Peace]

Throughout my life, there have been times when I committed situation suicide. That's right, I just killed it. I did something that knowingly would destroy my current situation. I politely told my boss one day what I thought about the job, another time I just stopped paying my bill's, I repeated a behavior that I knew would force the end of a relationship. Time and again I am guilty of Taking that life.
However, it is always in exchange for another. I have come to discover that is the reason I have done this. When the stress of a situation becomes too much, I, half unknowingly, do something that will force change. The short term price is worth the long term happiness.
I claimed that I did this "Half Unknowingly". What I meant was that I become depressed, or upset. Slowly I loose interest, or present opposition. Before I realize it, I am in deep.
Anyone...........?

 

[King_Oni]

I can understand where you're coming from. I have some restraint and rationale to keep from acting as such... most of the time.

I don't know if it's wrong to do so. If you don't like something and it keeps pushing you around, why would you want to keep up with it? I assume you have talked out certain situations first (like for instance the relationship) and if all else fails, just pull the plug on it.

Do you feel that you cannot have change when you're not forcing yourself in a predicament? Forcing yourself in a situation where there's no choice? Also; why would you change something if you don't see it improving? Unless you have deeply masochistic tendencies most people would find this a weird choice. Forcing change yourself is good when you end up better off with it. Forcing change to feel more miserable... not so much.

As said, I can relate to this situation but I usually take my time to look it over, think about it, see if I can "predict" the outcome. In the past I've acted way faster and thus got in deep as well. That's this "half unknowingly" stuff you're talking about I guess. Also, having someone to talk it through with and share your thoughts sometimes helps to see alternatives and not get in deep.

Obviously you've seen that it will provide happiness in the long run... but imagine that at some point isn't true anymore. You'll kill something off and you will not get happiness. A good example would be someone who spends all his money for bills on other stuff and thus has no money. Short term change yes, short term happiness yes, long term happiness, not so much. And unless you're aware of consequence you're somewhat good to go.

 

[Soup]

I've heard this referred to as self-sabotage. There can be many different motivations behind it. Sometimes a person does this deliberately as a way of indirectly ending a situation (for example a job or a relationship) that has become untenable to them for whatever reasons. Often non-confrontational types engage in self-sabotage behaviours because they cannot (or lack the skills to) sit the other person down & end things directly & civilly). Self-sabotage can also happen out of a sense of low self-esteem:the person consciously (or subconsciously) believes that they are not worthy of or do not deserve to have ____ (a good job, good finances, a relationship etc.) so they do something that causes it to end & it confirms their self-defeating belief system. These people, strangely enough, sometimes get a sense of validation when their life screws all up & things go badly for them: this is their comfort zone & what they're familiar with.

Financial self-sabotage sometimes comes from a sincere lack of understanding of money, credit & budgeting. It can come from a sense of entitlement: the person has no money but believes that they 'deserve' to have X or Y so they go into deep debt to live above their means. Other times people (more often women) use shopping as a form of denial known as 'retail therapy' the high they get from buying temporarily makes them forget their problems but then they feel guilty over their runaway spending & they shop to escape the guilt. You can see how this goes round & round! With guys, this same behaviour often emerges as a bad gambling habit.

For me, these kind of behaviours are far too complex & potentially stress-inducing. I'm too much of a linear thinker into homeostasis to do these things.

 

[Peace]

I tried to make a point out of my percieved goal, which was long term happiness.

I can understand where you're coming from. I have some restraint and rationale to keep from acting as such... most of the time.

I don't know if it's wrong to do so. If you don't like something and it keeps pushing you around, why would you want to keep up with it? I assume you have talked out certain situations first (like for instance the relationship) and if all else fails, just pull the plug on it.

Do you feel that you cannot have change when you're not forcing yourself in a predicament? Forcing yourself in a situation where there's no choice? Also; why would you change something if you don't see it improving? Unless you have deeply masochistic tendencies most people would find this a weird choice. Forcing change yourself is good when you end up better off with it. Forcing change to feel more miserable... not so much.

As said, I can relate to this situation but I usually take my time to look it over, think about it, see if I can "predict" the outcome. In the past I've acted way faster and thus got in deep as well. That's this "half unknowingly" stuff you're talking about I guess. Also, having someone to talk it through with and share your thoughts sometimes helps to see alternatives and not get in deep.

Obviously you've seen that it will provide happiness in the long run... but imagine that at some point isn't true anymore. You'll kill something off and you will not get happiness. A good example would be someone who spends all his money for bills on other stuff and thus has no money. Short term change yes, short term happiness yes, long term happiness, not so much. And unless you're aware of consequence you're somewhat good to go.

Wow Soup, you mopped the floor with me! I am none of these. I was trying to say that I believe I subconsciously do this to escape a bad situation. The difference for me is I take it head on.

I've heard this referred to as self-sabotage. There can be many different motivations behind it. Sometimes a person does this deliberately as a way of indirectly ending a situation (for example a job or a relationship) that has become untenable to them for whatever reasons. Often non-confrontational types engage in self-sabotage behaviours because they cannot (or lack the skills to) sit the other person down & end things directly & civilly). Self-sabotage can also happen out of a sense of low self-esteem:the person consciously (or subconsciously) believes that they are not worthy of or do not deserve to have ____ (a good job, good finances, a relationship etc.) so they do something that causes it to end & it confirms their self-defeating belief system. These people, strangely enough, sometimes get a sense of validation when their life screws all up & things go badly for them: this is their comfort zone & what they're familiar with.

Financial self-sabotage sometimes comes from a sincere lack of understanding of money, credit & budgeting. It can come from a sense of entitlement: the person has no money but believes that they 'deserve' to have X or Y so they go into deep debt to live above their means. Other times people (more often women) use shopping as a form of denial known as 'retail therapy' the high they get from buying temporarily makes them forget their problems but then they feel guilty over their runaway spending & they shop to escape the guilt. You can see how this goes round & round! With guys, this same behaviour often emerges as a bad gambling habit.

For me, these kind of behaviours are far too complex & potentially stress-inducing. I'm too much of a linear thinker into homeostasis to do these things.

 

[oscar2012]

I TRYED to kill myself 15year ago my head just wanted to explode i have put things in order now it seems ok . but am finding out that i am a good person and not crazy

 

[King_Oni]

I TRYED to kill myself 15year ago my head just wanted to explode i have put things in order now it seems ok . but am finding out that i am a good person and not crazy

Oscar, you are aware that this is not what Peace is talking about?

 

[oscar2012]

he wants to kill himself dont he king

 

[King_Oni]

he wants to kill himself dont he king

No Oscar... he's talking about "killing" of situations. Willingfully choosing and/or sabotaging your situation to force yourself to make a change.

 

[oscar2012]

i never realised king thank you for telling me that [ OMG ]

 

[Aalo]

Isn't it self sabotage only when one acts against the best interest of self, but when one have decided to need a change it really doesn't matter how to end current situation. Of course burning bridges is never a productive choice, but sometimes situations do not offer a back door if some sort of screw up isn't apparent. I've also understood that it's common to engage a break up by annoying partner so that it'll escalate as a fight, because most of the time people just aren't convinced to walk separate ways while everything is "well".

Of course it can be seen as cowardism, but then again, we can never really please everyone never mind how we choose to act. And at times we must think of ourselves.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Isn't it self sabotage only when one acts against the best interest of self, but when one have decided to need a change it really doesn't matter how to end current situation. Of course burning bridges is never a productive choice, but sometimes situations do not offer a back door if some sort of screw up isn't apparent. I've also understood that it's common to engage a break up by annoying partner so that it'll escalate as a fight, because most of the time people just aren't convinced to walk separate ways while everything is "well".

Of course it can be seen as cowardism, but then again, we can never really please everyone never mind how we choose to act. And at times we must think of ourselves.

HOwever, if one is doing what is best for oneself, it might be preferable to end the situation in a different way...by quitting the job instead of getting oneself fired, for example.

 

[Nega Rark]

I've done this too OP. Things would suddenly be way over-my-head and I couldn't explain it looking back but I'd have long term meltdowns. Lost a job paying 1400 per week that was going to make me a full time employee. That was before I knew I have Autism. Just thought it was my divine intuition telling me to drive 15 hours home, East for 3 weeks. My manager didn't know I'm Autistic, and certainly he's not my caretaker, so when I was gone for 3 weeks, he just "let me go" and because of that I could collect unemployment, so at least I could survive.