On the ninth, it'll be six months since my dad passed away.
He was the only bright spot in a dark life. I was surrounded by too many adult things throughout my childhood. My father got clean for me. He defended me. He would say "Let's try to keep her innocent." And so a lot of things that I would have been exposed to, I was protected from.
When things got unbearable for me as a kid, he'd tell me we're ditching school for the day and so he'd drive me over the mountains to the beach, where we'd hang out all day. And then the next day he'd write the sick note.
He drove thousands of miles for me, to rescue me, when I was a throwaway kid.
He did so much good for me. He drove me every day to radiation and sat there with me. When I shook and cried and said I couldn't do it, he'd tell me to be brave.
There is so much other daily good he did, in service to his family. He was a good man.
And then the continued good he did for my mother, brother, grandparents, and other relatives- it would fill books. Service above all else. Nobility above all else. Love above all else.
I am having a hard time as of late. I've tried to block it out, but I have to acknowledge it. I'm feeling such grief, I cannot bear it. I wish I had my dad with me now, to tell me to be brave, because others count on me.
He wouldn't want a big show of emotion breakdown over him. He would want love to be shared, and hope to be spread. He would say "It's just a part of life." But gosh, I can't help it. I am so sad. I've melted down a few times. I've cried out. And I've hardly slept.
The only one that showed love as a verb is gone forever, until hopefully we meet in heaven. I know he's there. I don't know if I've earned it anymore.
I just want my daddy. With all my heart.
He was the only bright spot in a dark life. I was surrounded by too many adult things throughout my childhood. My father got clean for me. He defended me. He would say "Let's try to keep her innocent." And so a lot of things that I would have been exposed to, I was protected from.
When things got unbearable for me as a kid, he'd tell me we're ditching school for the day and so he'd drive me over the mountains to the beach, where we'd hang out all day. And then the next day he'd write the sick note.
He drove thousands of miles for me, to rescue me, when I was a throwaway kid.
He did so much good for me. He drove me every day to radiation and sat there with me. When I shook and cried and said I couldn't do it, he'd tell me to be brave.
There is so much other daily good he did, in service to his family. He was a good man.
And then the continued good he did for my mother, brother, grandparents, and other relatives- it would fill books. Service above all else. Nobility above all else. Love above all else.
I am having a hard time as of late. I've tried to block it out, but I have to acknowledge it. I'm feeling such grief, I cannot bear it. I wish I had my dad with me now, to tell me to be brave, because others count on me.
He wouldn't want a big show of emotion breakdown over him. He would want love to be shared, and hope to be spread. He would say "It's just a part of life." But gosh, I can't help it. I am so sad. I've melted down a few times. I've cried out. And I've hardly slept.
The only one that showed love as a verb is gone forever, until hopefully we meet in heaven. I know he's there. I don't know if I've earned it anymore.
I just want my daddy. With all my heart.
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