Sleeping alone vs. With your partner in bed

[Beanfinity]

So I read somewhere that it is not uncommon for autistic people to have difficulty sleeping in the same bed as their partner. Now, I am a VERY light sleeper, always have been. Since moving in with my partner my sleep has gotten progressively worse. Some of that can be explained by headaches, stress, and anxiety. But now that I'm aware and on this discovery journey of self-suspected autism, I am noticing I get much better sleep when I am alone in bed than when he is in bed with me. I've noticed I half wake up to any movement he makes in bed, and I remember in the morning that my sleep was disturbed. And I have those weird colour spots that morph all weird behind my eyelids, when I close my eyes and it's supposed to be dark, not a light show (with an added flicker, almost like lightning, which is new. And concerning. I'm working on figuring that one out). There's a word for it, but I forget.

He is aware of my sleep issues, he even bought me one of those weighted blankets hoping it would help (I think it does? It's super comfy either way). And he's ok with me wearing ear plugs even though it means my alarm is blaring by the time I hear it in the morning, which must be annoying to him. He's never been bothered that I sleep with a plushie (an adorable gray axolotl), an absolute must since I was a child (I'm 30 btw, and still rockin the plushie). But despite what I've tried it really isn't getting any better. I wake up every morning extremely groggy.

Now I know this is no place for medical advice so I'm not wondering about that. Just wondering if anyone has a situation where you sleep separately from your partner, or has anyone else noticed sleeping alone feels much better?

 

[SusanLR]

I've never liked sleeping with someone and never have except for a few times it was a necessity, like only one bed for a while and had to share.
Never had what I think you mean by a partner anyway.

Except for a few nights I had the scaries as a child, always wanted to sleep alone.
Some can have good relationships without sleeping together.
If it causes problems instead of comfort.

 

[Au Naturel]

If I'm having difficulty sleeping, I sleep on the couch or another bed—no big deal. I've been known to sleep outside on the patio just because I could hear the rain fall better.

 

[Bolletje]

I prefer sleeping alone, a shared bed means poor sleep quality for me. If I ever live together with a romantic partner again, we will have to have our own bedrooms.

 

[Rodafina]

Definitely need to sleep alone. All of my insomnia would surely upset a partner. Their presence would surely upset my insomnia.

 

[Luca]

I love sharing a bed with my partner because I love to cuddle. I actually have more trouble sleeping if I don't have my arm around her.
Sometimes when I have days off from work, I sleep in for a few hours just so we can cuddle more.

 

[Mary Terry]

I don't mind sharing the bed with my husband, but I cannot sleep if someone is touching me. I was the same way with my children when I would get in the bed with them to settle them down if they were sick or had a nightmare. Cuddling can be nice, but I don't like to be touched when I'm trying to sleep.

I don't see anything wrong with spouses having separate beds or separate bedrooms as long as both are happy with the arrangement.

 

[Judge]

Oh my how I can relate.

Let's just say relationships always left me with a challenge to get a good nights' sleep in some unique ways.

Particularly with one former girlfriend who was an incessant cuddler as well as being hypersexual. In another relationship while my then alcoholic girlfriend slept in a coma, it was always I who had to get up in the middle of the night to tend to her daughter who would inevitably wet her bed.

Though after all these years being alone, I can't say I still get a good nights' sleep even now. Cursed as a light-sleeper.

 

[AdamG]

My wife and have separate beds, though we do share the big one sometimes. I don't like touch when sleeping, and I shift and snore too much for her to sleep.

 

[MC1Rcat]

I am usually a light sleeper, so I might prefer my own bed for sleeping, depending on the sleeping habits of the other person. I love cuddling, but I sometimes can't stay asleep with the weight of someone's arm (or a cat) on top of me for a really long time. It gets uncomfortable if it is putting pressure on my abdomen or my lower back, or if I feel like I can't move. I need to be able to flip around a bit when I sleep. I guess it depends on where their arm is. Touching is fine, so if they sleep without being draped over me I am happy with that. Noise and a lot of movement wakes me. Ear plugs make my ear canals sore after a couple hours.... so if someone snores loud, I can't sleep. Not getting good sleep on a regular basis makes my neurological problems worse. Now that I think of it, my father's parents had separate beds in the same bedroom. Maybe that would be a good solution if your mate is not a snoring bear

 

[Gerontius]

I think it's great sleeping alone, for now, but don't plan on continuing. My girlfriend and I aren't sexually active and live far apart so we don't sleep in the same bed but she has fallen asleep cuddling before and I have to work very hard to stay awake. Both of us are autistic.

Well, I think it's nice enough I deliberately didn't get a queen sized bed but instead got an old "double" frame which is somewhat smaller.

Depends on the people and the relationship and everything else involved.

 

[Beanfinity]

If I'm having difficulty sleeping, I sleep on the couch or another bed—no big deal. I've been known to sleep outside on the patio just because I could hear the rain fall better.

Aah, the couch. I find it a lot easier to fall asleep on the couch a lot of the time. I wonder if it's because it's 'my own space' and I can toss and turn without worry of disturbing my partner. Coming to the realization it may be more difficult for me to accommodate others than I thought!

 

[Beanfinity]

My wife and have separate beds, though we do share the big one sometimes. I don't like touch when sleeping, and I shift and snore too much for her to sleep.

I do enjoy the occasional cuddle, and sometimes the heavy weight of his arms helps me fall asleep. But, I too toss and turn a lot before sleep finally gets to me, and it's hard to do that with someone right next to you!

Starting to realize I cannot have all spaces in the house shared - I need some place exclusively for me, like a man cave, but let's call it an autistic hideaway instead.

 

[kenaij]

I don`t need to sleep alone. In fact. It feels strange if my wife is not next to me. However. Unless I am extremly tired I am both unable and uncomfortable falling asleep before my wife does. I will always wait until she falls asleep and stay awake for atleast 15-30 minutes before going to sleep myself.
I cannot really explain why. It just feels uncomfortable knowing I am already asleep before she is. It might happen only 2 or 3 times a year if I am really exhausted.

 

[Mr Alligator]

I much prefer sleeping alone.

I think if I had a partner, I’d prefer them to have their own bed in their own house.

I couldn’t imagine sharing a house, let alone a bed 7 days a week!

 

[Tom]

I have trouble sleeping. It seems very common among people on the spectrum. But I do believe you can get used to practically anuthing with practice and patience. I sleep with my wife and 3 Chihuahuas. Its disturbing to sleep at times but its also comforting. When I had to stay in the hospital a lot, I slept with a dog plushie.

 

[Au Naturel]

Aah, the couch. I find it a lot easier to fall asleep on the couch a lot of the time. I wonder if it's because it's 'my own space' and I can toss and turn without worry of disturbing my partner. Coming to the realization it may be more difficult for me to accommodate others than I thought!

A couch is often more comfortable than a bed. The foam pad on mine is thicker and softer than most mattresses. Plus, there is a padded back I can roll up against. Makes it easy to roll up against for extra support.

 

[AdamG]

I like the couch sometimes because it actually prevents me from tossing around so much, if I lay on my side with my back to the back cushions. I have a nice big couch too, I can spread out however I want. So a lot of the time, I can fall asleep there when I cannot in bed.

 

[Beanfinity]

I have trouble sleeping. It seems very common among people on the spectrum. But I do believe you can get used to practically anuthing with practice and patience. I sleep with my wife and 3 Chihuahuas. Its disturbing to sleep at times but its also comforting. When I had to stay in the hospital a lot, I slept with a dog plushie.

Plushie squad! I do remember when I had my bed all to myself in the past, I would let my (very large) dog onto the bed. I was totally comfortable with that. But humans? eeeh, idk lol

 

[Beanfinity]

A couch is often more comfortable than a bed. The foam pad on mine is thicker and softer than most mattresses. Plus, there is a padded back I can roll up against. Makes it easy to roll up against for extra support.

That's true, I never really thought of that. I can really squish myself in between the back and seat cushions, it's comfy. And sometimes I like to sleep with one leg in the air, on the back of the couch. Can't do that in bed!