Mono
Active Member
Last Friday, my best friend called to see if I wanted to meet up the next Saturday. Usually I can't by then, 1 day notice isn't enough for me. I struggled with that until we met up, so yes I did go. I don't have many social contacts and I feel like I should take whatever comes up with my friends. Had way too good of a time. By my own choosing, I cycle back and forth between my friends and my home, it's about an hour. I actually really enjoy that, especially the way back. I can sleep over whenever I want, but I much prefer to sleep in my own bed and be alone when I wake up.
Started with drinks at his home, then we went to the local pub. I think even then I already had too much and should have gone home, but I didn't. When back outside, my friend asked me several times if I was sure I could cycle home, and I said yes. I've done that lots of times for a period of 2 years now. This time though, I really should have stayed at my friend's. It's obvious now that we can't go by my 'yes I can' when the question pops.
I was so drunk that I cycled into a ditch. Honestly I'm not even 200% sure where that was. Luckily I wasn't hurt and there was only a few centimeters of water in there, also the ditch itself wasn't very deep. Quickly turned off my lights when a car approached, luckily it didn't stop. I hope no one saw me. That could have ended very differently. It was freezing cold, I couldn't feel my toes on the way there - but can't remember my feet feeling cold on the way back. Even though when I got back, my socks and shoes were soaked. What little I remember from the way back is the struggle to stay awake.
This at some point might have been a funny story if I was still a teenager, but I'm in my 40s and the shame still feels worse than the effects of the alcohol. Obviously I drank way too fast and too much. This isn't me at all, this has never happened to me before. I always take care not to drink too much and I always remember the entire way back. The only good thing I can take out of this, is seeing it as a warning. The reason I'm posting it here, is that out of shame I don't want to tell my friends and parents (I live right behind them), they're already worried whenever I go over there by bicycle. This is a safe place and I feel like I can post it here.
With what happened now, I think it's very unlikely that it'll happen again, with the way I still feel now (did I mention shame yet?). But still, if anyone does have advice, I'd be very open to it.
Started with drinks at his home, then we went to the local pub. I think even then I already had too much and should have gone home, but I didn't. When back outside, my friend asked me several times if I was sure I could cycle home, and I said yes. I've done that lots of times for a period of 2 years now. This time though, I really should have stayed at my friend's. It's obvious now that we can't go by my 'yes I can' when the question pops.
I was so drunk that I cycled into a ditch. Honestly I'm not even 200% sure where that was. Luckily I wasn't hurt and there was only a few centimeters of water in there, also the ditch itself wasn't very deep. Quickly turned off my lights when a car approached, luckily it didn't stop. I hope no one saw me. That could have ended very differently. It was freezing cold, I couldn't feel my toes on the way there - but can't remember my feet feeling cold on the way back. Even though when I got back, my socks and shoes were soaked. What little I remember from the way back is the struggle to stay awake.
This at some point might have been a funny story if I was still a teenager, but I'm in my 40s and the shame still feels worse than the effects of the alcohol. Obviously I drank way too fast and too much. This isn't me at all, this has never happened to me before. I always take care not to drink too much and I always remember the entire way back. The only good thing I can take out of this, is seeing it as a warning. The reason I'm posting it here, is that out of shame I don't want to tell my friends and parents (I live right behind them), they're already worried whenever I go over there by bicycle. This is a safe place and I feel like I can post it here.
With what happened now, I think it's very unlikely that it'll happen again, with the way I still feel now (did I mention shame yet?). But still, if anyone does have advice, I'd be very open to it.
