So I exploded yesterday while gaming..

[FoxLovinPat]

I figured since I'm part of this community now I'd get other people's take on this situation, see if anyone has some helpful advice or insight to impart on me but anyways..

Yesterday when I was playing Halo Infinite with my partner my game bugged out and I couldn't properly play the game that match because my viewpoint was stuck underneath the map instead of on first person view like it's supposed to be. I knew however that the game would penalize you if you left a match so I chose not to, and just moved my Spartan around and occasionally shot despite not being able to properly see. However despite me not leaving and also me interacting with the game instead of just leaving my character static I STILL got a temporary suspension for "unsportsmanlike behavior", which I thought was unfair because I literally couldn't see properly and I didn't wanna leave so that exact thing wouldn't happen.

Aaaanyhays with the background info out of the way, let's get to the meat and potatoes of the issue...
I explosively overreacted to the temporary suspension (it was only for a few minutes), yelled and screamed about it and how "it's not fair!" to my partner over Voice chat, threw my water bottle across the room, pounded my fist on the table, essentially a full blown temper tantrum. After I quickly settled down though I felt immense shame and felt extremely bad about what I did and was beating myself up (not physically) about it and I ofc apologized profusely to my partner about it, who was gratefully super understanding about it and told it was fine and that I was fine.

However I still feel bad about it looking back and I'm not sure what came over me, I'm typically rather calm and collected and I like to think I'm not prone to angry outbursts like that. I guess where I'm trying to go with all of this is that I'm not entirely sure what happened and was wondering if any of you might know, I suspect it could be an autism thing but I dunno if I should be making an excuse for my bad behavior by just shrugging and being like "Eh it's an autism thing" because after all I am 29 years old I should be able to control myself more.
I guess I'm also worried that it might not be an autism thing and it's something else, perhaps I unfortunately picked up my adoptive father's anger issues, but I really really REALLY hope it's not that because I don't want to be like that man, he was horribly abusive to me growing up and more oftentimes than not I was on the recieving end of those anger issues of his.
Is this something I should be concerned of? Something I should work on? Or was it just a case of autistic overwhelm and I shouldn't fret too much on it?

 

[Slime_Punk]

In my experience, if it's learned, it can be unlearned.

I used to throw tantrums (never at people, usually at computers if they were being slow or things like that). Then one time a girlfriend of mine saw it happening and it made me think twice about exploding in anger over trivial matters like that, so I learned how to just take a deep breath and chill out a little. YMMV, of course.

The only thing that gives me that same impulse is feeling my own incompetency for something over a long period of time, like when I can't grasp a particular concept or do something that comes easy to others. But still, being less-reactive overall makes things a lot better. Or just being silly about it and making jokes can help.

Some people probably need a professional for those issues, but we're all different.

 

[Tom]

It might be related to autism. Uncontrolled outbursts are fairly common in autists both kids and adults. I have had them myself even though I otherwise have coped with autism fairly well. I was good at throwing things against the wall, But at some point my feeling stupid about just breaking something that cost 40 dollars merged with embarassment over acting 'childish' and I made an effort to put those behind me. I was successful but it was about the same time I went on a new anxiety med and so I don't know if it was self control or the med. Probably some of both.

 

[Aspychata]

One time l was so angry at my phone, just malware downloaded, l threw it out the window, totally stupid. But l just hit the tipping point. I never did anything explosive again after that. Now l can curse in a mumble, and then calm down. If l have phone issues, l take care of it quickly. Or l buy a new one.

 

[Dagan]

I can't take a guitar everywhere, and I'm not fond of those stress balls because of the weird sensory feeling they give me (and not too many things do that, luckily)....so....I have a mini Rubik's cube nearby usually. I have one at home and one at work.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

Figured I'd add a little more context than what my op had.

So generally I'm able to keep myself calm and collected I guess sometimes it all just gets to be too much for me and I'll have some sorta freakout. However yesterday was the worst one I've had In a while.

I did have another incident fairly recently but that one was more tame, and much more obvious that it was an autism thing.
Seeing as it was at work and was a response to my typical break time being messed with. All I did in that instance was say aloud "I guess I'm not taking my [word deleted] break then!", after my GM told me to do something else when I was already running behind.

Used to not really know why I was so particular when it came to my breaks but my therapist, and then my own research, suggested it had to do with me being on the spectrum so...

Btw thanks for all the responses so far, makes me feel less alone on this.

Edit: Forgot to mention that I actually surprisingly didn't get in trouble at work for that, despite my boss initially saying they were going to talk to me about it later. Guess they just forgave me for it and just brushed it off as a stress related thing, which it kinda was.
Was dreading having to explain myself to them as to why I did that, because I actually never told them I'm on the spectrum mostly because I was afraid they'd think lesser of me despite me proving to them time and time again to be a reliable worker. Perhaps I should still tell them at some point.

 

[Outdated]

I also have an explosive temper. Normally I'm a very calm and quiet person and I'll put up with a fair amount of stress but sometimes situations get too much for me and I lose it. My outbursts are very short lived though, once I've vented my frustration I'm instantly back to being my usual self.

In my trade this was seen as quite normal, most printers were pretty highly strung, in fact compared to many of them I was fairly mild. Destruction of property was a line I never crossed though, I think the worst I ever did in that regard was slam the door on the microwave one day. Destruction of property would be instant dismissal in my job, but chucking a tantrum was seen as normal.

This followed through in to regular life as well, if someone's upsetting me I don't hold back. If it's something they have little control over I'll put up with quite a lot, but people that simply don't care about others around them get blasted. A lot of people generally seem to appreciate my outbursts though, I say the things that many people aren't game to.

I lost it big time in a supermarket one day. I have a very large voice, well trained and practiced from being a supervisor in noisy industrial environments, I can make windows rattle and hurt people's ears.

I entered the supermarket at the same time as a young woman with a small child. The little boy was about 3 or 4 years old, sitting in the front of the shopping trolley and chucking a tantrum. The kid wasn't saying any words, it was just non stop high pitched squealing. I'm very sensitive to high pitched sounds and they cause me extreme pain.

I rushed through the fruit and veg section to get away from the noise, but as I went down the first main shopping aisle the lady entered the same aisle from the other end, the kid was still squealing and she was just ignoring it. I got past her as quick as I could and in to the next aisle, but once again she came in to the same aisle from the other end at almost the same time.

Rinse and repeat. When we got to the third aisle and the kid was still squealing I lost it. I left my trolley and walked up to the woman and bellowed at her, maximum volume, "Lady, if you don't shut that kid up, I will!".

The kid shut up instantly. So did everyone else in the shop, the whole place suddenly went so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Then someone started clapping and a couple of other people joined in and someone whistled. The woman went bright red in the face, picked up her now silent child and hand bag and walked out. Once she was out of the aisle and everyone could see her they all started whistling, clapping, cheering and cat calling.

No one said a word to me but lots of them gave me a warm smile and a nod.

 

[Kalinychta]

Lots of studies have been done showing that video games cause irritability, anger issues, aggression, and difficulty with concentration. If you’re experiencing these problems, it might be time to find a new way to spend your time.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

Lots of studies have been done showing that video games cause irritability, anger issues, aggression, and difficulty with concentration. If you’re experiencing these problems, it might be time to find a new way to spend your time.

Well I'm pretty sure that video games are one of my special interests, so that's kinda out of the question.

I'm also more of a casual player, I don't get too competitive with it I just play for fun and don't care if I win or lose. Heck even when I encounter more competitive players online I don't join them in their anger, instead their anger makes me feel bad but that's more due to me just being a sensitive soul and having that sort of reaction to angry people in general.

However I'm not saying that you're incorrect about those studies just that I don't think that's the issue here for me.

 

[Kalinychta]

Well I'm pretty sure that video games are one of my special interests, so that's kinda out of the question.

I'm also more of a casual player, I don't get too competitive with it I just play for fun and don't care if I win or lose. Heck even when I encounter more competitive players online I don't join them in their anger, instead their anger makes me feel bad but that's more due to me just being a sensitive soul and having that sort of reaction to angry people in general.

However I'm not saying that you're incorrect about those studies just that I don't think that's the issue here for me.

Most autistic people don’t seem to know what constitutes a “special interest” in terms of autism. According to the DSM, it’s this: “Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).”

So, if you’re a casual player, games are not one of your special interests (in autistic terms). People with this trait don’t have special interests plural either, usually—all of their focus is on one topic.

But have you had this problem with meltdowns before, or was it a one-time deal? Were you hungry at the time or tired or hot? These are things that can make people lose their temper more easily.

 

[Wolfnox]

Prefer to relax while gaming. The new age stuff is such a glitch feast. I worry if I need internet, I worry if it will load properly, I worry if it will glitch. Really spoiled any desire I have for new games.
So I went old school.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

Most autistic people don’t seem to know what constitutes a “special interest” in terms of autism. According to the DSM, it’s this: “Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).”

So, if you’re a casual player, games are not one of your special interests (in autistic terms). People with this trait don’t have special interests plural either, usually—all of their focus is on one topic.

Well I actually have done a lot of research into ASD, mostly to try and better understand myself seeing as I wasn't really told much about my diagnosis growing up, just a very basic understanding of it from my adoptive father because it seems that's sadly all he probably knew.

Anyways based on the research I've done I do believe that video games, or at the very least just the Halo series, are a special interest of mine because of the following..
Not too long after playing Halo for the first time I got the tie in books as well and read those, and once I finally started doing things online I would do lots of research into Halo, and other video games I enjoyed too. Learning about the development of the games, the lore of the gane's universe, interesting bugs and glitches in the game, etc.
Later when my video game privileges were revoked as punishment, I went further into that aspect of doing research into Halo, and other games I enjoyed seeing as I couldn't actually play the games anymore. I also would write down or draw out plans for what I could do once I was able to play again, and I'd also draw out scenes from the games, albeit poorly because I'm not very good at that, both actual scenes, stuff I made up, it potential "what if" scenarios of certain points in the game and what could've happened if a different choice had been made by the characters.
As for the planning thing.. well, Halo 3 introduced Forge Mode which let you edit the multiplayer maps so I'd plan and draw out potential edits to the maps. Later Halo 3 ODST and then Halo Reach introduced Firefight mode which was a wave defense mode, and since Reach's version let you change the parameters of Firefight I'd plan different variations on it I could create and try out when I got my gaming privileges back.

To finish off with this part of the reply I'll say that while I mostly focused on Halo here, I did do similar things with other games I enjoyed too but I guess Halo was my most prominent one.
Also I kinda had no choice growing up but to be a more casual gamer seeing as I couldn't play competitively even if I had wanted to since I wasn't able to play online against other players, and since I was a loner for the most part I couldn't play offline either except against my father who quickly lost interest after I got better at the games than him, I guess later once my little brother was old enough I had him to play with but that was more like sharing my favorite games with my little brother.

But have you had this problem with meltdowns before, or was it a one-time deal? Were you hungry at the time or tired or hot? These are things that can make people lose their temper more easily.

As for this part of your reply?
I have had similar "meltdowns" in the past, but not always around gaming.
There was what I mentioned in a secondary post above about how I did a more minor explosion at work after my GM gave me another task to do when I was already running behind on my break (which ik very particular about taking at certain specific times), which happened a few weeks ago actually and I actually surprisingly didn't get in too much trouble for but my bosses might've assumed it was just a stress thing from dealing with a busy day so far, which I guess it kinda was but it really had more to do with my break time being messed with.
As for the past? Well back when I lived with my parents still my father would often trigger meltdowns in me if that's what they even were, but I quickly learned to not do them with him around lest I be reprimanded further by him. And I would do similar things during those too, like yell about how he was being unfair and sometimes throwing things, and/or hitting things. If I was inside instead of outside I'd just retreat to my room and cry into my pillow and sometimes punch it repeatedly, wheras if I was outside I'd throw things like sticks, rocks, tools and hit things like the ground, trees, weeds, etc. Typically not with my hands though but with a tool I was using, or just a random stick.
That was typical triggered by my father being angry at me and punishing me, or just being an unfair dick to me in general.