So many questions

[angelic0818]

Hi, My son is 4(will be 5 in June) and was diagnosed with Asperger's in February.( I have heard Aspergers does not show up/developmental delays dont show up till age 3 which does fit him perfectly as thats when we noticed things changing. ) I have been reading as much as I can about autism and Asperger's to try to learn all I can. However I find I am still left with so many questions and not enough answers. I guess there is no one size fit all diagnosis and its such a spectrum so all people will be different, but I still get confused. For example my son does well at Pre K, which now is only 3 days per week for 2.5 hours at a time. So not much time. But he does what they ask of him, socializes ok, he does show some anger but he controls himself well there. My thoughts are he has always done better in structured programs since the age of 2 I noticed that. He has good times and bad in general but at home he will not play with any toys, he just makes noises and paces back and forth. If we try to do something else with him he becomes angry or ignores us. He will do something else sometimes when he's in the right mind set I guess, but we always have to "make" him. The only thing that interests him are TV and computers and this is the only time he seems "at ease" and does not make his noises. However we do limit TV and computer time because otherwise that is all he would do. I don't know why the computer or tv calms him down?? I just assume this is part of his obsessions and repetitive behaviors. I guess like anyone he will have moments where he is OK and he can control himself for a short period of time such at school. However for us its a completely different story. I know the dr said he will only show his parents his true self. Its just I am not quite sure how to handle him, still, and its all very challenging. I am not sure what I am asking or if I am asking anything, I just feel confused a lot and need some other opinions/thoughts maybe/experiences?

 

[Turk]

It is a very confusing time Angelic. They always prefer stuctured play and activity, because they know whats expected of them. Given free time with toys and no instructions, it creates uncertainties and things are not so black and white. With my son the social divide started off very small. Other children's awareness grows with their age, so they become more aware of difference. My son struggled socially up until about 13. Only through early intervention and modified teaching was he able to adapt. Its very important to become a strong advocate for your son, within the education system, so he can get the assistance he needs.
The TV and computer game thing is not unusual. Asperger's is a highly visual condition. The stimuli provides calmness and requires no cognitive thinking to enjoy. My son was the same. On the plus side, he's a force to be reckoned with, behind the keyboard now, which has levelled the educational playing field for him. Just take it a day at a time and make sure he knows your there for him. As scarey as it is, they are very special children

 

[Rachel]

My son was DXd at 4 and is now 12. we had a rough time with him all through his younger years but now that he is a preteen he is a wonderful, compassionate, intelligent, sweet young man. Raising an Aspie is a challenge - there is no doubt about that. My son was very aggressive in school and was mistreated there. My suggestion is this. Let him have his computer time and TV time but also set up a visual chart that shows him when those times are and add some outside time and find something he enjoys (trampolines seem to be big for Aspies, as well as swimming) and add that to his visual schedule. Don't force him, coerce him. We even resorted to bribes to get my son to do things that we wanted him to do to get him exercising. It didn't turn him into a kid who expects rewards for doing things besides TV/computer. Instead, he figured out there were other fun things he could do and started asking to go to the pool or play on the trampoline. Now that he's 12 we still sometimes have to bribe him into doing things we want to do as a family, but it is small things like he gets a choice between this museum or that one, and a "thank you" when he goes along and behaves well. It will be a roller-coaster ride, raising your son, but the rewards will be there, too. Hang in there.

 

[Peace]

Hi, My son is 4(will be 5 in June) and was diagnosed with Asperger's in February.( I have heard Aspergers does not show up/developmental delays dont show up till age 3 which does fit him perfectly as thats when we noticed things changing. ) I have been reading as much as I can about autism and Asperger's to try to learn all I can. However I find I am still left with so many questions and not enough answers. I guess there is no one size fit all diagnosis and its such a spectrum so all people will be different, but I still get confused. For example my son does well at Pre K, which now is only 3 days per week for 2.5 hours at a time. So not much time. But he does what they ask of him, socializes ok, he does show some anger but he controls himself well there. My thoughts are he has always done better in structured programs since the age of 2 I noticed that. He has good times and bad in general but at home he will not play with any toys, he just makes noises and paces back and forth. If we try to do something else with him he becomes angry or ignores us. He will do something else sometimes when he's in the right mind set I guess, but we always have to "make" him. The only thing that interests him are TV and computers and this is the only time he seems "at ease" and does not make his noises. However we do limit TV and computer time because otherwise that is all he would do. I don't know why the computer or tv calms him down?? I just assume this is part of his obsessions and repetitive behaviors. I guess like anyone he will have moments where he is OK and he can control himself for a short period of time such at school. However for us its a completely different story. I know the dr said he will only show his parents his true self. Its just I am not quite sure how to handle him, still, and its all very challenging. I am not sure what I am asking or if I am asking anything, I just feel confused a lot and need some other opinions/thoughts maybe/experiences?

Each of us is different, but your son sounds a little like me when I was young (about a hundred years ago). It sounds as though he is seeking out safe zones. Like Turk stated, school is safe, because he has clear direction, and can work with what he has been given. One of my favorite books when I was a kid was "Gerald McBoing Boing The Noise Making Boy". I liked it because I could relate to the character, his special gifts were appreciated and used, and it has a happy ending. Many or most of us have a special interest. Something that draws our attention like no other. This often changes as well.
If I could go back to my childhood and tell my parents ONE thing to do differently, I would ask that they believe in me. If you show him that he is different, he will feel like he is different. If you show him love, he will grow up knowing love.
God bless you for your struggles. My parents always refer to me as "The Child From Hell" This is NOT helpful in any way.
Maybe try getting him a toy boat and letting him play by the water, or make one with him from any old plastic tub. Good Luck.

 

[neuroillogic]

That has to be one of the most difficult ages for Aspies. At least, I remember being really absorbed in myself at age 4, it was hard for anyone to get in. I remember getting upset when I got interrupted, but that was only because I was creating some epic fantasy in my head as I stared blankly at a wall, and other people just didn't "get it" I suppose. He may be feeling overwhelmed at home with all the free time, or there may be too much stimulation of another kind going on. In order to get Aspies back into the world, the easiest thing I've found to do is remove everything overwhelming him and limit his sensory input, and then introduce a schedule-like environment, as if when he gets out of school he goes right back into "school at home" so he knows what to expect and when (down time, structured play time, outside time, whatever it is you would like him to be doing more of) and reduce his confusion on what exactly he's supposed to be doing (showing examples helps). I've also found it's easy to convince a lot of us that we actually do want to do something we think we don't want to do, if you use the right language. Logic usually works. I have to have long, drawn out conversations with my 3 year old to convince her she really does want to go outside to get some fresh air and play on the new tricycle she was so excited about on Christmas, as long as I make it seem like there's no question as to that being what she should be doing.