So now what? (Getting out)

[marble]

A long time ago I was dating an Aspie girl who always wanted to take me to clubs in the city to see live music. But I avoided it. I was afraid to be out at night at unfamiliar places.

That relationship didn't last. I deeply regret not going along with it. Cuts deep just thinking about it.

Years and years later. Rather than continue to spend every night alone at home I decided to make a change. Tonight I went to the local pub and watched the live music for a few hours (mostly punk type stuff).

A decent size crowd, maybe 30 people, most seemed to be in their 20s.

But. I couldn't help but feel disconnected from it all. Like I didn't belong. Me just sitting there by myself, listening to the music. Everyone else was in groups. I think I spent more time watching other people than I did watching the band members play.

I just feel weird about it. Instead of being alone at home, I get to be alone at bars. Hooray.

I don't know what I was expecting. A first step towards being more outgoing? I don't know what is supposed to happen next. Keep doing it every weekend until, what? Something good happens?

Anyone here with a lot of pub or club experience that can offer some advice?

 

[Bolletje]

I used to go out a lot. My favorite pub was a very friendly place next to a theater. A lot of people came there after the show and I’d sit at the bar and strike up a conversation with people, asking them what they thought of the show. It was a nice exercise in small talk. Over time I got to know a lot of the regulars so I’d always have someone to talk to.

Going to clubs I’d just dance by myself and often found people looking at me. I’d smile at them and if they’d smile back I’d go and say hi and introduce myself. Sometimes that was it, sometimes we’d chat for a bit, have a drink or dance together. Over time I got to know a lot of people superficially this way so I’d always see a few familiar faces at the club. I got invites to afterparties, house parties and underground parties from my club friends and used to hang out them in a local park or at a nearby lake during summer.

I hardly talk to those people these days, because I don’t really go clubbing anymore, but when I do I always see a few friendly faces to talk to. And the whole experience was a great exercise in social skills for me.

 

[christopher.k]

there is a place nearby that plays a lot of live music but I always seem to be tired to start getting used to that kind of environment or so busy rush rush weeeeee! that I forget all about it
I want to hope that I'll end up having the kind of experiences that bolletje just described though im absolutely terrified by the thought of being approached by strangers even though I crave interesting experiences.

 

[Mia]

I don't know what I was expecting. A first step towards being more outgoing? I don't know what is supposed to happen next. Keep doing it every weekend until, what? Something good happens?
Anyone here with a lot of pub or club experience that can offer some advice?

Did a lot of that in my twenties. Disco and folk and blues and rock and eventually punk. Lots of places to dance, drank both alcohol and coffee. Usually went with whatever roommate I had at the time. They went to a lot of clubs and pubs and coffee houses and I went with them.

Occasionally met people, and we went off to quiet restaurants or coffee places to talk. Live music is usually not the way to get to know anyone. As it's too loud to have a conversation. I met interesting people and some of them became friends, usually if our interests were similar. Carmine liked to dance, so did I, so we often met up at discos to dance. Coffee houses for the people who liked to discuss various things. It takes a long time to get to know people.

Most of the people who became long-term friends, I met when my dog was a puppy, and all the dogs played together at the parks. There you have time to talk (usually about dog training and food and health) and get to know one another.

I don't know what the club 'scene' is in Sydney. So I can't say for certain that it's the best way to meet people. You'll have to feel it out, and give it a chance and see what happens with it.

 

[GadAbout]

I prefer going to concerts over going to clubs. Granted, a club or pub offers more chance to socialize, but I probably won't socialize anyway. It sounds like you need to build a social life. Start small, maybe with an activity you are actually interested in. "Shared interests" can be hard to sustain over decades, perhaps, but it's a good place to start.

What do you like to do, or what are you interested in?

Don't expect to get a relationship or friendship right away, or you are certain to be disappointed.... but keep an open mind!

 

[clg114]

When I was 18 I started drinking a lot just to be sociable. When I was drinking, I could talk to anybody about anything. This went on until I was 23. Then I met my wife and she saved me. I would not recommend this to anyone, as it had detrimental effects on my health.

 

[marble]

Thank you for your replies.

I don't really know how to strike up a conversation with a random person.

Yeah maybe I'm looking for someone to save me from the hell that I've been through.