Social anxiety ramping up! Christmas with husband's family..

[Running Girl]

Almost refused to go. I have PTSD around these gatherings. In fairness, it isnt them. My sister in law and her family are lovely people. Its me. What to say, especially to my almost grown niece and nephew and my SIL's husband. My MIL is the easiest. Also the issue of "helping" with food and cleanup afterwards. I seem to miss all the cues, arrive too late, stand around trying to help,and get in the way. So embarrassing. And the gift opening. When to say 'Thank you' & how exuberantly? And did anyone her me say 'thank you' or should I say it again? Same with 'good byes' . How i hate social gatherings and social niceties! I am 15 minutes into the 4 hr drive. Plenty of time to freak out even more...

 

[Pats]

I know exactly what you're saying on all counts. Have a safe drive and try to not worry about it.

 

[Rasputin]

Almost refused to go. I have PTSD around these gatherings. In fairness, it isnt them. My sister in law and her family are lovely people. Its me. What to say, especially to my almost grown niece and nephew and my SIL's husband. My MIL is the easiest. Also the issue of "helping" with food and cleanup afterwards. I seem to miss all the cues, arrive too late, stand around trying to help,and get in the way. So embarrassing. And the gift opening. When to say 'Thank you' & how exuberantly? And did anyone her me say 'thank you' or should I say it again? Same with 'good byes' . How i hate social gatherings and social niceties! I am 15 minutes into the 4 hr drive. Plenty of time to freak out even more...

I can SO relate to what you are describing. Maybe you could suggest a new group activity like going to see a movie, or taking a long walk yourself to escape the festivities? Fortunately I don't have to travel far, and can leave when I have had enough merriment.

 

[Aspychata]

Now that l am older, l feel okay about appearing as a idiot, next time just tell some corny xmas jokes. People will be so surprised and probably smother you with kindness. lol

Happy Holidays,don't worry, it get's easier as you age, l just don't think we have the energy to care anymore past a certain age.

 

[Gracey]

I was invited but didn't turn up one year to the inlaws.
Had gotten myself into quite a state the week prior to and couldn't go through with it.

I wasn't invited again. Effective but short term solution.

I think it's all about finding what works for you in these circumstances.

Mantras and reminders to help calm you on the days leading up to the gathering?

How you might reduce your stress levels on the journey to your relatives?

I'm not sure if you could accurately predict what is going to happen after you've arrived (too many moving parts)

Could your husband clue you in
on his family traditions and expectations?

On the day observe other family members receiving, opening and displaying gratitude for gifts. mimic?

Greetings and Goodbyes differ from family to family.
Some can feel like one is in a Rugby scrum,
others can do the same job with words alone.
Send husband in first and observe to get the measure of what's expected?

 

[Aspychata]

I was invited but didn't turn up one year to the inlaws.
Had gotten myself into quite a state the week prior to and couldn't go through with it.

I wasn't invited again. Effective but short term solution.

I think it's all about finding what works for you in these circumstances.

Mantras and reminders to help calm you on the days leading up to the gathering?

How you might reduce your stress levels on the journey to your relatives?

I'm not sure if you could accurately predict what is going to happen after you've arrived (too many moving parts)

Could your husband clue you in
on his family traditions and expectations?

On the day observe other family members receiving, opening and displaying gratitude for gifts. mimic?

Greetings and Goodbyes differ from family to family.
Some can feel like one is in a Rugby scrum,
others can do the same job with words alone.
Send husband in first and observe to get the measure of what's expected?

Sounds like husband is on exploration team.

 

[George Newman]

How’d it go?

 

[Gracey]

Sounds like husband is on exploration team.

In essence, he could be

 

[Pats]

@Running Girl - so how did it go?

 

[Running Girl]

Better than feared. Slightly better than expected. Not awful!