Social anxiety

[QueenOfFrance87]

How does one deal with social anxiety on a daily basis...you know, without panicking and crying? Whenever I talk to someone I am not familiar with, my anxiety hits an all-time high, and I tend to stumble over my words, become shaky, my breathing becomes more rapid, and I have feelings of wanting to pass out and/or cry. I want to be able to get over this, because there is going to be a time when the ones I do know won't always be around forever, so I will have to talk to someone I don't know well enough eventually.

Does anyone else feel that way, and if so, how do you get over it?

 

[Swansong]

There's no real solution.

Sure, there are some medications that will literally make the anxiety melt away for a few hours after taking them but invariably they come with a whole lot of possible issues.

Then there's the good old therapy and whatnot but I've come to believe that the only reason why therapy is used is because there's literally nothing else besides that or medication.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I knew that for the most part, except that I don't have too many friends, and I find interacting hard because I never know how this person will react, even if I am a nice person.

 

[Aspychata]

Just that title gave me anxiety. I cut people out fast if they cause me stress. It's not nice but l need to handle my anxiety.

 

[Rodafina]

This sounds really stressful and I definitely understand what you wrote about. When I was quite young, I learned how to mask really well… Mostly because I am a people pleaser and a keen observer. I learned quickly how I thought people wanted to be treated and put on a pretty good show. It’s not the best method because it has some serious side effects, but it has allowed me to develop the skills to speak to people I do not know.

My problem is trying to maintain authenticity and doing that now. The anxiety is key and understanding how it manifests in you could be helpful. Certainly talking about these things with people you do know or a therapist can be helpful, but also there are things you can do to prepare yourself for anxiety inducing situations…

You can prepare yourself a bit. Do deep breathing and grounding activities before hand so that going into the interaction you are already feeling calm and confident. Make sure you are wearing comfortable clothes and have some food so you are not distracted by too many sensory things. Also, I think it’s perfectly okay to have a few things in your mind or even written on a note (sometimes I write it on my hand) to talk about - things you would like to share about yourself and questions that you could ask the other person.

I’m not sure if this is helpful advice, but it certainly could be a social survival advice… In my experience most people are most interested in talking about themselves. If you can ask some questions that the other person is likely to answer, you just have to listen and then in your listening, you may get a clue as to what to say next. If conversation does not come naturally to you, you can treat it like a treasure hunt, hunting for clues in what the other person is saying, focusing on their words so you don’t get to lost in the anxiety or social expectations.

 

[Shamar]

How does one deal with social anxiety on a daily basis...you know, without panicking and crying? Whenever I talk to someone I am not familiar with, my anxiety hits an all-time high, and I tend to stumble over my words, become shaky, my breathing becomes more rapid, and I have feelings of wanting to pass out and/or cry. I want to be able to get over this, because there is going to be a time when the ones I do know won't always be around forever, so I will have to talk to someone I don't know well enough eventually.

Does anyone else feel that way, and if so, how do you get over it?

It seems to me what you have goes beyond social anxiety. I get brain shutdown and what comes out of ny mouth sounds like "bsuopsufgsbhdgyik." Unfortunately, I can't help you overcome it, I'm still working on that for myself. I can say that in a non personal or social situation, such as a business or professional situation, it is a lot easier. Unless I'm asking a favor, then it is personal, and the brain shutdown and babbling start. Years ago, I thought it might be an allergy of some sort. I would decide to ask a girl to dance (as if I could actually dance), I would start to sweat. As I moved toward her, my face became flush. Closer still and my chest would tighten up, and breathing became difficult. It became harder and harder to move forward, like I was moving through an increasingly stronger force field. If I got close enough to talk, I went incoherent. Add anthrophobia on top of that, and I could become a real mess

 

[Progster]

I take antidepressants for anxiety and it helps, but social situations still make me anxious. Things like phone calls, or meeting new people are difficult. Interactions that follow a script such as at the grocery store are OK. I have the Nike voice of my father in my head telling me "just do it!".

 

[Slime_Punk]

The only thing that has ever helped me (I have pretty crippling SAD) is exposure therapy. With that said, whenever I slink back into deeper levels of reclusiveness, it responds equally by getting worse. It's always watching my every move.

Most of my safety behaviors (masking, scripting, etc) really just make it worse over time; it's almost better for me to go in unprepared, mess up and realize that I can handle whatever comes my way. Otherwise, I'll be obsessing each time I do something new and that type of reinforcement is pretty detrimental. Admittedly though, I try to push back on it when I can because the ego aftershock of it all will literally have me up all night when I'm challenging it.

Maybe you're like me or maybe not, but I've tried all of the medication (benzos, at least) and it just hasn't worked because my problem is purely psychological and born from intense childhood trauma. From what I understand, if a low-dose of medication actually works for your version of it, you might actually respond really well to a mixture of medication and therapy, so it's worth it to mention that to a professional and you might have an easier way out.

I mean, my SAD is so bad (this is embarrassing to mention) that I've been known to turn off my inbox on sites like this and discord just because I don't want to interact with other humans, even online, out of fear I'll say the wrong thing. Know that you're not alone in this and that the struggle really is difficult. People who tell you that you can overpower it without any of the internal work required just don't know what a psychological ball of wax it can be.

 

[Storm Hess]

I first try to calm my brain by thinking of something I enjoy. That sometimes relaxes my breathing, in turn makes the words come out a llittle smoother. Sometimes I'll picture people in their underwear, looking quite uncomfortable, giving the illusion that they're ones uncomfortable and not me. Or I'll become quiet and just listen...in some cases, simply walk away.

 

[Uppity Creek]

My social anxiety tends to sneak up on me. I can go weeks sometimes without finding myself in a place where it's an issue. But then, the circuits lock-up, I stammer, can't get my thoughts out. Perhaps, perhaps, if it happened often enough I could study it scientifically and figure out exactly what the triggers are (and aren't) and how to handle them. As I type this, I can't recall the last attack. What can I recall? Times someone made fun of me for it. I can hear my wife's voice right now, "abada-abada-abada....spit it out, baby, ha!" Advice: this is NOT helpful!

 

[elephant]

How does one deal with social anxiety on a daily basis...you know, without panicking and crying? Whenever I talk to someone I am not familiar with, my anxiety hits an all-time high, and I tend to stumble over my words, become shaky, my breathing becomes more rapid, and I have feelings of wanting to pass out and/or cry. I want to be able to get over this, because there is going to be a time when the ones I do know won't always be around forever, so I will have to talk to someone I don't know well enough eventually.

Does anyone else feel that way, and if so, how do you get over it?

Small steps. Some steps are like breaking through a brick- no, a cement wall. Once you are through the reward is so intense. The door is brick the next time, then wood, then spider webs lol. Going through a number of times is like practice and you get better with practice. The future cement walls are less intimidating. I could not have done it without support and yes I had a therapist because I figured if I was paying someone they would be there for me. They would help and yes they did.

 

[Sasha22]

I agree with what was said above, that preparation and practice & small steps can help.

For a long time, I tried to learn to behave "normally", as though one day I would wake up and be super social for the rest of my life like nothing was ever wrong. Now I think the key step was figuring out my definition of being social, regardless of what others might expect. What makes me comfortable, where are my boundaries, etc. And then practicing that with people. Like @Ed# wrote here, that can take time.