Socializing with friends and family - withdrawal urge

[Arcturus]

Hi all, just wonder if anyone else has experienced this:

I love inviting good friends over for quality time. I get excited and always a little anxious (like it's a big deal).
Friends come, I am super happy to see them. Two minutes later I feel like I want them all to just leave. What's with that?? Of course, I don't tell them to leave, and I love my friends. I sit in, trying to adjust, and I do, eventually. But I always, always want the socializing to end pretty much as soon as it begins. And I keep wanting to invite people and make them happy.

The same happens when I feel like calling my mom and saying hello. I miss my mom. After two words I feel overwhelmed and want to hang up. But I don't, and every next sentence to me is like a hammer on the brain.

How do you deal with it? Breathing? Yoga? Affirmations?

These sensations come and go in phases. E.g. a few months ago this was not an issue...

 

[square_peg]

I know your post is asking for suggestions on how to manage it but unfortunately I don't have any strategies.. Sorry. I did want to say though that this happens to me so I can 100% relate.

I don't like people I don't know extremely well in my home but even the people that I do know and love I experience a varying degree of anxiety beforehand. I do get exited though at times too. However not long after they've arrived I experience the same feeling as you described; I withdraw and just wish they would leave.

I know it would be rude to ask them to leave so I just try my best to weather the storm. It often passes.

Not a nice feeling though

 

[King_Oni]

I can relate, but I decided to just suck it and limit my contact with people in general to make it seem more worth my time.

If I were to get together with certain friends 3 times a week I know I'd be bored and out of material to talk about. It's why I see some friends once every month or so.

But perhaps my interest to see people is superseded by the fact that I like to have a good time, be provided with new and interesting information and stuff like that and I just know some people can't provide that on a daily basis. It's also why I'm in a long distance relationship and sometimes don't talk to my girlfriend for a few days. Talking to someone just because I might miss them feels more and more as a nuisance and I somewhat got past that notion by now.

I remember a few years back when I pretty much cut all communication with anyone in my social group (including my parents, with whom I live). I had no interest to talk to anyone and eventually I didn't even have this idea that I was missing them. In fact I had less things to worry about. If it wasn't for a few personal circumstances I could've totally seen that becoming my thing (and I might not even have ended up on this forum and such).

 

[Arcturus]

Big thanks to all you guys...Well, I guess it's good that we understand each other! I am also into substantial hangouts, so I try to make an educational theme for all of us, or any sort of purpose in general. Most of the time it's rejected: "come on, can't you just be in the now, relax and sit around?" NOOOOOO.
Funny case: once I invited friends and glitched as usual. So I asked, hey guys, anyone up for a walk?
Friends: but we just came!
So I just left. It helped!

 

[ImAnAspie]

I do this. I think I should be a caring son and ring my Mother but once I'm on the phone, not more than 3 sentences into the conversation and I'm bored, not paying attention and start trying to end the conversation.

I know it sounds slack. I feel slack for being like it but I just can't help it.

 

[fuzz]

Sounds familiar. I have learned to pace myself and be more open with those around with how I'm feeling inside.

Some suggestions
1. I try to meet up in a quiete public place rather than someone's home. There tend to be more natural longer breaks and distractions from the conversation that take the pressure off.

2. Love the 'void'. Other Asperger friends tell me they feel the need to fill the gaps in conversation. I am rubbish at that and so I flat out tell people if I need a break in talking (or a void) and they have all accepted it and we have been better friends for it.

3. Pace myself. I avoiding talking lots at the start of meeting up. It could be a long old session so I keep some thoughts in my head and bring them out over the time I'm with the other person.

 

[Arcturus]

Sounds familiar. I have learned to pace myself and be more open with those around with how I'm feeling inside.

Some suggestions
1. I try to meet up in a quiete public place rather than someone's home. There tend to be more natural longer breaks and distractions from the conversation that take the pressure off.

2. Love the 'void'. Other Asperger friends tell me they feel the need to fill the gaps in conversation. I am rubbish at that and so I flat out tell people if I need a break in talking (or a void) and they have all accepted it and we have been better friends for it.

3. Pace myself. I avoiding talking lots at the start of meeting up. It could be a long old session so I keep some thoughts in my head and bring them out over the time I'm with the other person.

Thank you! These are really good suggestions. The need to fill the gaps in a conversation is a curse for me...I will try saying I need a break. Can imagine their faces already. However, I am reluctant to leave home, because there I can be in control and have all the resources I need, especially in the evenings.

 

[Sal26]

Hi! I can totally relate! I just can't see the point in talking sometimes, making small talk. If I want to talk I will but a lot of the time i just don't get it. [emoji19]