Some advice for my brother

[The Meowing Pancake]

Hello! I have an autistic brother who really likes doing things such as peeling his skin, picking at the wooden tiles on our floors and removing them and he also likes to dismantle things. He must like the sensation of doing those things or they might calm him, but they're destructive. Also, him peeling his skin hurts him, but even when we stop him (or at least try to), he continues to do so and sometimes even gets mad. What safer alternatives can we give him that might calm him the way the things he does do? Thank you!

 

[1ForAll]

Hello! I have an autistic brother who really likes doing things such as peeling his skin, picking at the wooden tiles on our floors and removing them and he also likes to dismantle things. He must like the sensation of doing those things or they might calm him, but they're destructive. Also, him peeling his skin hurts him, but even when we stop him (or at least try to), he continues to do so and sometimes even gets mad. What safer alternatives can we give him that might calm him the way the things he does do? Thank you!

Hello. Our youngest ten year old mostly non-verbal with Autism and ADHD used to always pick at and scratch the drywall, shiny appliances and other harder things, chew on objects, rip or tear paper, books and softer things, and take a part and break things, etc. He never seems to do this out of anger but for curiosity and comfort, and it seems like a sensory need for his hands and mouth and a need for him to keep active and to learn there.

The only things that worked for us to cut down on this a lot was to divert him to an Ipad with apps, where he could use his hands repetitively there, to give him a doodle board to write, draw or scribble, a fidget spinner, pop-it toys and squishy toys, and to feed him a lot of smaller meals throughout the day, where he can inspect, feel, and chew on that food before he consumes such. Also, as he is the clingy type, and gets comfort sitting very close to us, we do this often. This helps as well. Once he is able to talk more, we will try to learn more.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I suspect, these behaviors, come down to "stimming". You're not going to stop stimming behaviors,...but you can introduce alternatives that are not harmful or destructive. It could be "fidget" toys, it could be directing his attention towards a "special interest".

I am never going to promote medications, but often times these behaviors are due to an imbalance in neurotransmitters,...for example, an excess in excitatory neurotransmitters for one reason or another. I take L-theanine (glutamine blocker) as a way to take the edge off,...but for some,...they may need something a bit more.

 

[Aspychata]

Hello. Our youngest ten year old mostly non-verbal with Autism and ADHD used to always pick at and scratch the drywall, shiny appliances and other harder things, chew on objects, rip or tear paper, books and softer things, and take a part and break things, etc. He never seems to do this out of anger but for curiosity and comfort, and it seems like a sensory need for his hands and mouth and a need for him to keep active and to learn there.

The only things that worked for us to cut down on this a lot was to divert him to an Ipad with apps, where he could use his hands repetitively there, to give him a doodle board to write, draw or scribble, a fidget spinner, pop-it toys and squishy toys, and to feed him a lot of smaller meals throughout the day, where he can inspect, feel, and chew on that food before he consumes such. Also, as he is the clingy type, and gets comfort sitting very close to us, we do this often. This helps as well. Once he is able to talk more, we will try to learn more.

How creative of you. My daughter had endless time on her mini computer and graduated to her own system. I thinking tapping on the keyboard must help also. She did many projects involving sewing, and cooking. Hobbies are so important. When she was young, she had blocks, race car track, marble run. Anything to keep her mind busy. Or she was busy sorting her little ponies. She even sorted her Halloween candy in to piles determined by her. Just sorting, tapping, feeling with their fingers are important. This behavior can sometimes decline for some, maybe not for all.

And thank god for Legos, another preoccupation for tweens.

 

[1ForAll]

How creative of you. My daughter had endless time on her mini computer and graduated to her own system. I thinking tapping on the keyboard must help also. She did many projects involving sewing, and cooking. Hobbies are so important. When she was young, she had blocks, race car track, marble run. Anything to keep her mind busy. Or she was busy sorting her little ponies. She even sorted her Halloween candy in to piles determined by her. Just sorting, tapping, feeling with their fingers are important. This behavior can sometimes decline for some, maybe not for all.

And thank god for Legos, another preoccupation for tweens.

Thanks @Aspychata. It seems like you did a lot of things that helped your daughter too. Great job there! And we will try some of the things you said as well. Our oldest with just Autism (no ADHD) is heavily into organizing and arranging because of his very structured needs. He lines up and arranges things often, and has done since he was a year old. Our youngest likes using his hands and feet more for hyperactive, tactile/ touch and sensory reasons. He loves motion too (he will scream whenever our car stops), and because of that very racing/ energetic mind, too, that is a good idea about the marble run and race car tracks. Will try a train set too. So, yes, we are always looking for new ways to keep him mentally and physically active that could be fun for him, using his mind, hands, feet and such, trying to divert him away from the more destructive things. So thanks!

 

[Darkkin]

I still have legos and marble runs I pull out. I love the noise, motion, and the probabilities of the marble runs. And legos...never too old.

One of the other things I absolutely love to play with:

My tesseract puzzle. It is magnetic and jointed and flows into all sorts of shapes. It is one of the best fidgets I have found.

 

[Aspychata]

Thanks @Aspychata. It seems like you did a lot of things that helped your daughter too. Great job there! And we will try some of the things you said as well. Our oldest with just Autism (no ADHD) is heavily into organizing and arranging because of his very structured needs. He lines up and arranges things often, and has done since he was a year old. Our youngest likes using his hands and feet more for hyperactive, tactile/ touch and sensory reasons. He loves motion too (he will scream whenever our car stops), and because of that very racing/ energetic mind, too, that is a good idea about the marble run and race car tracks. Will try a train set too. So, yes, we are always looking for new ways to keep him mentally and physically active that could be fun for him, using his mind, hands, feet and such, trying to divert him away from the more destructive things. So thanks!

Alright!
She loved Ball pits, unsanitary but so much fun. We did purchase a trampoline which we all jumped on. Slime is another favorite of kids. We made slime too. And she had her own kitten at age 5, which gave her purpose-to take care of a little life. I homeschooled her. She flourished. Public school was out. She went on to a performing arts high school and graduated. She is now in the university. But she has required financial help. It's tough for us mom's and dad's. She has her first job working full-time as a director. So there is success. We never fought over anything, except l told her you need a driver's license. She said no. I told her l would give her my jeep. Then she got her license. Then she wanted to work after that while in high school by her own accord.

 

[1ForAll]

Alright!
She loved Ball pits, unsanitary but so much fun. We did purchase a trampoline which we all jumped on. Slime is another favorite of kids. We made slime too. And she had her own kitten at age 5, which gave her purpose-to take care of a little life. I homeschooled her. She flourished. Public school was out. She went on to a performing arts high school and graduated. She is now in the university. But she has required financial help. It's tough for us mom's and dad's. She has her first job working full-time as a director. So there is success. We never fought over anything, except l told her you need a driver's license. She said no. I told her l would give her my jeep. Then she got her license. Then she wanted to work after that while in high school by her own accord.

Our oldest has a mini trampoline, and both use that. We never tried slime, but both love kinetic sand and play-doh, too. So, yes, regarding those things.

Congrats to your daughter there, for all of that she has done and is doing! We never considered our children for public school, as I never trusted them with all our lifetime of bad experiences with them, and knowing they can hide things and not really tailor programs and environments to those who need something else. So, I homeschool them, focusing on their unique interests, their sensory needs and triggers, learning styles and their pace. We have a Performing Arts School within a few minutes of us, and our oldest is the likeliest to go there later. He loves singing and playing keyboard/piano. As for driving, I hope it'll come easy to them. I know some with Autism can find that difficult. Even my wife with ADHD and severe anxiety finds driving extremely difficult. I always loved it for some reason. I enjoy the solitude there and focus on the views.

 

[Aspychata]

Our oldest has a mini trampoline, and both use that. We never tried slime, but both love kinetic sand and play-doh, too. So, yes, regarding those things.

Congrats to your daughter there, for all of that she has done and is doing! We never considered our children for public school, as I never trusted them with all our lifetime of bad experiences with them, and knowing they can hide things and not really tailor programs and environments to those who need something else. So, I homeschool them, focusing on their unique interests. their sensory needs and triggers, learning styles and their pace. We have a Performing Arts School within a few minutes of us, and our oldest is the likeliest to go there later. He loves singing and playing keyboard/piano. As for driving, I hope it'll come easy to them. I know some with Autism can find that difficult. Even my wife with ADHD and severe anxiety finds driving extremely difficult. I always loved it for some reason. I enjoy the solitude there and focus on the views.

I never had my daughter tested. I thought she was normal. Now looking back, l understand more. However, l didn't wish to label her. Some parents do need this help. I get that too. Driving tests were a little tough for her. She started with piano. Then moved to violin, then at performing arts school- tried guitar and song writing. (Her voice wasn't great). We just let her explore and find her place. You just open up the door and let them explore choices. No judgments, just 100% support for these mini adults.

 

[1ForAll]

I still have legos and marble runs I pull out. I love the noise, motion, and the probabilities of the marble runs. And legos...never too old.

One of the other things I absolutely love to play with:

View attachment 78402

My tesseract puzzle. It is magnetic and jointed and flows into all sorts of shapes. It is one of the best fidgets I have found.

That puzzle sounds cool. Will have to try that for our children, too! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Rasputin]

I have read that skin picking is an obsessive compulsive behavior. I know this because I have struggled with this behavior myself. I am much better than I used to be, because my wife has scolded me for this every time she sees this behavior. Over time I have become much more aware of this habit, and rarely do this now. There is probably a reason why your brother does this, but the habit might be broken. My suggestion is to keep making him aware of his habit until he stops doing it.

Although this disclosure is embarrassing, I will try to explain my behavior. As I have gotten older, I have suffered from dry skin on my feet. At some point I started picking at the dry, cracked skin on my feet. It is a disgusting habit. The solution is to put foot lotion / cream on my feet to keep them soft or moisturized. So, I have now started moisturizing my feet every night when I go to bed.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometimes l have been guilty of this. My aunt called me on this when l was a tween. Sometimes it's stimming, Sometimes it's stress. I know gross, but it feels like interesting. It helps with stress. Some bite the inside of their cheeks. Sometimes l have pulled skin off my lips if it's already open, because l feel stressed. I don't like things loose on my skin. It bothers me.

 

[The Meowing Pancake]

Thank you so much for your answers everybody! Since a lot of folks here have suggested fidget toys, Legos and other things like that, I could ask my parents to buy some of those things for him or I can save up to buy them myself. Btw, I think those are really good (and much safer) ways to occupy him.

 

[Jeff T]

For your brother, perhaps asking neighbors or friends for devices that are permanently broken, for him to disassemble? Electronics, broken tools etc could keep him occupied for quite awhile. Of course snip off the electrical plug on electronics else he might try to "work on it" after he plugs it in. Could a LARGE bin be made as a place for him to work on such 'projects'- outside of which would be verboten to disassemble things?
As for skin picking, what areas does he pick? Used to peel the air blisters on my palms when younger....

 

[The Meowing Pancake]

For your brother, perhaps asking neighbors or friends for devices that are permanently broken, for him to disassemble? Electronics, broken tools etc could keep him occupied for quite awhile. Of course snip off the electrical plug on electronics else he might try to "work on it" after he plugs it in. Could a LARGE bin be made as a place for him to work on such 'projects'- outside of which would be verboten to disassemble things?
As for skin picking, what areas does he pick? Used to peel the air blisters on my palms when younger....

He usually picks the skin on his palm, his fingers, his lips and occasionally his foot even when there isn't an air blister or dead skin.