Something that's been bothering me (this may be a long post)

[Misty Avich]

A couple of years ago at work I had two good friends, but I'm worried I might have upset them.
We became short staffed for a while, and I ended up having to do the work of 3 people on my own, and my two friends done the work of 1 person together, then they finished their duty about an hour or so before the end of our shift, so they got to sit and relax in the warm while I was still outside slogging my guts off in the cold on my own. I was too polite to say anything, and I didn't really blame my two friends, because if you had got your duties done and had the chance to put your feet up and drink coffee in the warm, you'd far rather do that than go outside in the cold to help another worker. They're only human.
But I still found it a bit unfair, and thought we needed a supervisor or someone in charge of us to organise tasks a bit better. We all got paid the same and done the same shift hours.
So I had a quiet word in the office, not reporting them or complaining about them or anything, but just saying that it seemed a bit unfair for me to be lumbered with much more work that they could be helping me with, and the people in the office were on my side and said they'd sort out a charge hand to get the workplace more organised.
They did manage to hire a very professional and organised charge hand person, and my friends didn't like him much, probably because they didn't like the change (yes, NTs can fear change too). So they left this department to go to a different department.

Jump about a year or so later, I was chatting to one of the people in the office and just through gossip he said that my two friends had left the department because of the new charge hand, which I knew already, but he said that was only part of the reason why they moved to a different department. After the conversation it then clicked with me, could I have been the other reason they'd left the department? I remembered that this guy in the office is really good friends with one of them, and he is a nice guy and everything but he might have been gossiping with them one day within the past year and might have said that I was the one who spoke in the office that day about the disorganisation and unfairness of the workload being put upon me, and might not have explained the part where I wasn't actually telling on them I was just stating that the system we were working in was unfair and that we needed some sort of supervisor in charge.

I haven't really seen them much lately, and when I do bump into them at work they don't say much beyond "hello, how you doing?" even though I'm willing to chat some more.
I feel a bit awkward just texting them asking if what I fear happened happened.

I just feel horrible, like they might be thinking "we thought Misty was all right, can't trust anyone!" I didn't mean to burst the bubble, I was just wondering how long that was going to go on for and how long I could keep up doing the work of 3 people on my own even though they're trained just as much as I was.

What would you do in this situation? I wasn't causing trouble or drama or anything.

 

[kriss72]

I don't know what happened except for what you wrote above - but are you sure they were good friends if they let you work for three people while they sat and relaxed? I think you did the right thing by talking to the office about it - in the past I would probably just have accepted the unfairness - not sure what I would do today, but you didn't do something wrong in my eyes.

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't know what happened except for what you wrote above - but are you sure they were good friends if they let you work for three people while they sat and relaxed? I think you did the right thing by talking to the office about it - in the past I would probably just have accepted the unfairness - not sure what I would do today, but you didn't do something wrong in my eyes.

I know I didn't do anything wrong as such, but I did do something wrong in their eyes.
I understand how the average human mind works. They were my friends but they were quite lazy as co-workers, and most lazy people don't like to be held accountable for it. All they want to do is get away with it, and this time they couldn't...because of me.

I'm not really one of those pedantic people who go reporting everything people do that might be breaking a rule. If someone is breaking a rule but it isn't affecting me then I just mind my own business, as I understand that is one way to not be liked by your colleagues, and even I dislike busybodies. But because this was affecting me and it just felt unfair, I felt I had to say something, before I got worn out physically from all the extra work I had to do.
My friends knew I had the work but tried to wriggle their way out of it by being casual. I just made out I went along with it passively, and because I liked them I didn't really hold any grudges, but I thought something ought to be done before it became too overwhelming. I'm not the sort to be oblivious or reserved in other people's behaviour.

 

[kriss72]

I know I didn't do anything wrong as such, but I did do something wrong in their eyes.
I understand how the average human mind works. They were my friends but they were quite lazy as co-workers, and most lazy people don't like to be held accountable for it. All they want to do is get away with it, and this time they couldn't...because of me.

I'm not really one of those pedantic people who go reporting everything people do that might be breaking a rule. If someone is breaking a rule but it isn't affecting me then I just mind my own business, as I understand that is one way to not be liked by your colleagues, and even I dislike busybodies. But because this was affecting me and it just felt unfair, I felt I had to say something, before I got worn out physically from all the extra work I had to do.
My friends knew I had the work but tried to wriggle their way out of it by being casual. I just made out I went along with it passively, and because I liked them I didn't really hold any grudges, but I thought something ought to be done before it became too overwhelming. I'm not the sort to be oblivious or reserved in other people's behaviour.

Somehow this story remind me of an episode in my first job I got when I was maybe around 14 years old, the school I went to hired kids to do the cleaning (it was a small school). So I worked with one of the other children from my class, we had divided the classrooms between us, so we each took half - then one day I was deducted in my pay, and I asked why, so it turned out the other child had skipped part of her work - so I spoke up and said, hey this is unfair, I did all of my task. I got payed full and I think that girl just worked there for one more day, then I was offered to do the cleaning alone, it took many hours to clean the school alone, but I got payed for my hours, so it was ok, I could use the money. I got other cleaning jobs later, so I can't keep my home tidy, but I sure know how to wash a floor or clean a toilet

It is true that lazy people don't want to be held accountable for it

 

[Masked Man]

Something very similar happened to me a few years ago. We were really understaffed and there was one other person I was sharing duties with. Privately I asked management when they were planning on filling the open positions so we could stop being understaffed. I didn't complain about my coworker at all, I was complaining about the general understaffing situation, but it somehow got back to my coworker and this person was very upset with me.

I'm not sure how it worked in this person's mind but I imagine that this person was told by management that I was complaining and this other person needed to help me more. Which is not at all what I said or meant. I was upset with leadership (or the lack of it) and their hesitancy in hiring staff. But probably what happened is ultimately they passed the blame on to me to make me the bad guy.

It sounds like they also did this to you. And really if your office friends were upset by it, then that's on them, and they really weren't your friends. I wouldn't spend much time thinking about it, if I were you.

 

[Au Naturel]

Good friends don't let their friend work their butt off while they drink coffee. I think that at best they are friendly acquaintances. And just maybe they were being nice to take advantage of you.

 

[Aspychata]

This explains why we can never truly be friends with those at work.

 

[Misty Avich]

They were friends with me outside of work. One of them even invited me to his wedding but didn't invite anyone else from work. He invited me because he liked me (in a friend way, not anything else).
But friends who are also your work colleagues can behave differently when at work. It wasn't exactly a conspiracy plot against me, it was just that they couldn't be bothered to do the boring work when they'd finished their duties and couldn't resist the chance to sit in the warm staff lounge.
Also, being so what I was doing was cleaning (it's much harder work than you think when there's just one of you), I think it made them feel unmasculine to do cleaning (even though their job title wasn't just mechanical but also cleaning, as the mechanical tasks were done much quicker when there were two of you). I'm not saying myself that cleaning is just a woman's job, but I still understand how they might have felt about it, so I don't take it personally as such and write them off as friends.

 

[Au Naturel]

This explains why we can never truly be friends with those at work.

I wouldn't exactly say that. It would be true if it were friends only at work and nowhere else. I've had a genuine friend at work a few times. (I worked for 40 years. )

 

[kriss72]

This explains why we can never truly be friends with those at work.

Nah... not sure I agree on that one - I have found a close friendship with someone I worked with, where the friendship lasted years after we stopped working together, and a romantic relationship with someone else I worked with - that last one was complicated, but still, it was there even we worked together...

 

[Aspychata]

Not me sadly, l have worked alot. I have super bad luck. It's always backstabbing co-workers.

 

[Misty Avich]

I suck at making friends so work is the only place I do make friends. Also I can't help getting emotionally involved in my coworkers, it just happens. Making friends at work seems to be more natural for me than making friends elsewhere, such as joining interest-related clubs or wherever else people advise you to go to make friends. I tried that before and it didn't work for me.
It's so easy for most Aspies to advise me to turn up for work to work and get paid only and not get involved with people. You wouldn't tell that to an NT, would you? You'd just justify their social desires in the workplace. Well I may not be NT (unfortunately) but I still have those same social desires. I get drawn to people and just end up becoming emotionally involved. This is where I feel I don't always identify with the autism criteria.

Not directing that at anyone in this thread ("you" just means "second person" context).

 

[kriss72]

Also, being so what I was doing was cleaning (it's much harder work than you think when there's just one of you), I think it made them feel unmasculine to do cleaning (even though their job title wasn't just mechanical but also cleaning, as the mechanical tasks were done much quicker when there were two of you). I'm not saying myself that cleaning is just a woman's job, but I still understand how they might have felt about it, so I don't take it personally as such and write them off as friends.

Ah, so you had different job functions, I thought it was like the same job, just they worked inside, and you outside - that makes a difference. I agree 100% that cleaning is not light work! I have worked with cleaning, meal preparation etc. as a part time job in a couple of nursing homes, apart from cleaning at the schools, there is some human skills required when working in other peoples "homes" too, not just the physical task of doing the actual cleaning.

 

[kriss72]

I suck at making friends so work is the only place I do make friends. Also I can't help getting emotionally involved in my coworkers, it just happens. Making friends at work seems to be more natural for me than making friends elsewhere, such as joining interest-related clubs or wherever else people advise you to go to make friends. I tried that before and it didn't work for me.
It's so easy for most Aspies to advise me to turn up for work to work and get paid only and not get involved with people. You wouldn't tell that to an NT, would you? You'd just justify their social desires in the workplace. Well I may not be NT (unfortunately) but I still have those same social desires. I get drawn to people and just end up becoming emotionally involved. This is where I feel I don't always identify with the autism criteria.

Not directing that at anyone in this thread ("you" just means "second person" context).

Schools and work are where I have gotten to know the most people.

 

[Misty Avich]

Ah, so you had different job functions, I thought it was like the same job, just they worked inside, and you outside - that makes a difference. I agree 100% that cleaning is not light work! I have worked with cleaning, meal preparation etc. as a part time job in a couple of nursing homes, apart from cleaning at the schools, there is some human skills required when working in other peoples "homes" too, not just the physical task of doing the actual cleaning.

Well it is sort of the same job titles, except they were trained at assisting in the garage, not doing actual engineering but just assisting. Then when they had done that they were supposed to help clean the coaches (big buses) outside. Sweeping, mopping and disinfecting 30+ large coaches in a few hours was absolutely impossible when you were on your own, because you had to keep dragging 3 different buckets, a broom and a mop, several spare heads to change on the mops when they got too dirty, and sprays and cloths, around with you. It was physically hard work, but mentally it was very boring and repetitive. But due to it being such hard physical work for one human to be able to complete, the other two guys were supposed to be helping when they had finished their duties (it was part of their job role). By having a little bit of help, it would have been a lot quicker, a lot more fun, and we all would have still had time to relax with coffee before the end of our shift.

 

[Misty Avich]

I mean I did sometimes curse the passengers to myself for leaving behind so much trash on the coaches, it was unbelievable. It was like they saw coaches as big garbage dumps on wheels.

 

[kriss72]

Well it is sort of the same job titles, except they were trained at assisting in the garage, not doing actual engineering but just assisting. Then when they had done that they were supposed to help clean the coaches (big buses) outside.

Ok, clearly they did not live up to their job function - you did the right thing, and they were not treating you good, is it like they were men and didn't see it as their task because it was cleaning?

Sweeping, mopping and disinfecting 30+ large coaches in a few hours was absolutely impossible when you were on your own, because you had to keep dragging 3 different buckets, a broom and a mop, several spare heads to change on the mops when they got too dirty, and sprays and cloths, around with you.

I'm happy I could carry my little car around with everything I needed (and a big garbage bag), I can't imagine if I had to carry them by hand, and a bus is... there aren't much space.

It was physically hard work, but mentally it was very boring and repetitive. But due to it being such hard physical work for one human to be able to complete, the other two guys were supposed to be helping when they had finished their duties (it was part of their job role). By having a little bit of help, it would have been a lot quicker, a lot more fun, and we all would have still had time to relax with coffee before the end of our shift.

I liked the repetitive part of it, I could kind of turn my brain of, listen to my music (when I did the cleaning alone at the schools, not in the nursing homes, I didn't listen to music when working there) - the worst part for me, was to remember which appartements I had cleaned, as the different people woke up and got out of bed, it was not like room 1,2,3 - but 1, 5, 2, 10... and it changed every day...

 

[kriss72]

Not me sadly, l have worked alot. I have super bad luck. It's always backstabbing co-workers.

I'm sad to hear that - I think you have truly been hit by bad luck - I had very few "backstabbing" encounters compared to positive ones, most co-workers i have met have been kind in a professional way, become a linked-in connection and that's it.

 

[Aspychata]

I worked in Hawaii, no back-stabbers there. Only in Cali, and Florida, have l ran into issues. But thanks for your response. I met the nicest people in Hawaii.

 

[Suzanne]

Seems to me that they are referred to as: false friends ( which makes me laugh at the irony of that sentance).

The fact that you had three times more work then they did and they happily went off to enjoy the warmth, knowing well that you had a lot more to do and thus, would not finish as fast as they and not once did they volunteer to help you finish too, shows they NEVER considered you a friend anyway, which makes the other reaction very logical.

It may be human nature to think of one's self, but it sure is not showing fellow feeling and besides, human nature is terribly imperfect.

Besides that, wow, bravo you, for taking the courage and talk up, and for being able to work with others. I tell you, I could never achieve that ( trying to not feel jealous lol).

Reading through the responses, shows me who I am unable to work with other people. It is hard enough being me, than to cope with others, when all I would want to do, is be left in peace to do my work.