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Sometimes I really worry about becoming homeless

M

Misty Avich

Please put me on ignore if you don't like my posts
V.I.P Member
There are lots of awful things in life but I think the two most frightening things to ever have happen to you are becoming terminally ill and becoming homeless. And by homeless I don't mean living on a friend's sofa but I mean actually out on the streets or in some homeless shelter.

I'm not that way inclined. I'm not tough. I'm timid, scared of my own shadow, hate gangs and crimes, and very, very anxious. Security is very important to me.
I used to think that it was homeless people's choice to be homeless, at least where I come from, as all the homeless people I see on the streets seem to be men. They also rely on drugs to escape their lives. I don't want to end up like that. I hate drugs and I hate alcohol. I wouldn't survive if I was homeless. I have agoraphobia anyway and I especially avoid going out at night.

So say if anything happened to my husband (God forbid) and I was unable to financially support myself even when working, will I be forced out on to the streets just like that, with any support team just turning me down? Or is there help for anyone willing to seek help? I'm a vulnerable, frightened woman with diagnosed ADHD, Asperger's and anxiety. Yes I can function by myself but I think I'd need some financial support in the future if I was to ever become widowed.

It doesn't reassure me knowing that there are autistic people out there who are or have been homeless. I remember there was one homeless autistic person on the other site and he died in the end, even though he wasn't ill or old. I don't know what country he was from though. I'm in the UK. I just worry that if it happens to other autistic people then it might happen to me. I'm scared I'm just going to be turned down by any support services because I can walk, talk and make eye contact. I have actually been turned down before when I first became an adult. The child support services switched me over to the adult support services, but after one meeting with the adult support services team they said I was not eligible for any financial support because I communicated too well. But back then I didn't really need support as what I may do in the future.

I'm just frightened and scared of my future.
 
It is frightening to think about that.

I spent most of my live one check, one car repair, away from living on the street - despite having a job at which I worked 16 hour days, six and seven days per week.

Even after returning to college and becoming a teacher I wasn't safe - the district where I worked stopped honoring seniority so I could be fired at any time for any reason. And the gave us pay cuts.

It wasn't until I actually was able to retire that I felt any security at all. You can imagine the relief that was.

I know how hard it is. I wish you the best!
 
I envy people who get to retire. My husband is retiring this year. I'd love to be able to be in a position where I don't have to worry about money any more.

For the first 28 years of my life I lived with my parents, in a council house, and was so secure that I managed to save up all my money. But since moving out and being married, my money has all gone (not my husband's fault though, it's just what happens when you no longer live with your parents). I feel secure while I'm with him but because he's older than me he'll probably pass first and I'm not sure what will happen to me and all my precious possessions and pets. My family don't have the room to take me in and my dad wants to move to a smaller house or apartment. I do like being independent but at the same time it can be scary.
 
I can relate to that fear. It's like the rug is pulled out underneath us. The only thing l have learned is that life is precarious. Treasure all the good days. Treasure those who keep you safe. I have worked many horrible jobs to pay rent. You made this far, just keep marching forward. Maybe take your fear and use it to propel you to learning a new skill.
 
Misty Avich said:
There are lots of awful things in life but I think the two most frightening things to ever have happen to you are becoming terminally ill and becoming homeless.
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Dementia is a prime concern for many over the age of 60.
Cancer is always a "wonderful" surprise when it happens, but I can't see homelessness in my cards.
 
Misty Avich said:
So say if anything happened to my husband (God forbid) and I was unable to financially support myself even when working, will I be forced out on to the streets just like that, with any support team just turning me down? Or is there help for anyone willing to seek help?
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It wouldn't be easy for ppl on the spectrum, but shared housing might be a valid option.

Misty Avich said:
Yes I can function by myself but I think I'd need some financial support in the future if I was to ever become widowed.
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Is there any chance of an inheritance down the track?
 
I don't think I like the thought of sharing housing with strangers, or living somewhere where I have to share my kitchen or bathroom. I don't mind with family or people I know really well but not with just anyone. Just the thought of it makes me really anxious. I need my familiar space. I already stress out with the upstairs neighbours and I don't even live with them.

I guess I'm more or less normal when I'm secure and surrounded by people I know and love, but if all that got taken away from me I'd become a terrified little Aspie who needs love and support.
 
Misty Avich said:
I don't think I like the thought of sharing housing with strangers, or living somewhere where I have to share my kitchen or bathroom. I don't mind with family or people I know really well but not with anyone. Just the thought of it makes me really anxious. I need my familiar space. I already stress out with the upstairs neighbours and I don't even live with them.
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It might come down to:
Would you prefer share-accommodation...
Or homelessness...
 
I'm probably overthinking again. When I'm going through stress, I start worrying about everything else too.
 
I know the feeling well.
As long as I was half-way healthy and lived with my parents there was no planning for tomorrow.

I worked and made fairly good money which went to the family group and was usually used up quickly. Especially when health problems hit hard as my parents got older. Dad passed. Mom had cancer. With no work background her social security was small. I took care of her until the end.
I also developed cancer and now a survivor of 15 years.

When she passed in 2013 all that was left were bills and I was on disability.
Reality was I should have planned and saved money or made investments.
I wouldn't have been on the streets since I was disabled, but I would not have had a choice where I lived. The state would have provided for a small group home or nursing home.

I got by on the skin of my teeth by knowing a man who was a lot older and wanted companionship and some house upkeep work in exchange for a low monthly rent for two rooms and bath with kitchen privileges.
I'd never lived with anyone else in my life and knew I would have to hide my anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks. He had a bad personality which made it worse. But I survived. Getting my ASD diagnosis helped him understand me better.

Now, 12 years later, he has cancer and I do have a terminal illness which has made me almost wheelchair bound. Thank goodness he has mellowed and yes, there will be an inheritance if I outlive him. He has no family.

I just shared all of this to show how we all need to somehow prepare for the future.
It must be planned for.
I slid by by chance. It's better not to rely on chance.
 
Misty Avich said:
I'm probably overthinking again. When I'm going through stress, I start worrying about everything else too.
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It's good you're recognizing these patterns. I think that's the key here.

Historically, permanent security has been elusive, and most of us humans still managed.
 
Well I know my family wouldn't allow me to be out on the streets. But sometimes I worry about what will become of me when I'm a helpless elderly lady and most of my family had passed on. All I want is security. I think security should be a priority for everyone who wants or needs it, money or no money.

This is why I unintentionally mention politics here, it's not that I mean to, to get into fights or anything, it's just that lot of my anxieties are tied in with politics as I am in the group affected by the cost of living crisis. So I'm not looking for a political debate, I'm just sharing my anxieties. The two are different.
 
Misty Avich said:
Well I know my family wouldn't allow me to be out on the streets. But sometimes I worry about what will become of me when I'm a helpless elderly lady and most of my family had passed on. All I want is security. I think security should be a priority for everyone who wants or needs it, money or no money.

This is why I unintentionally mention politics here, it's not that I mean to, to get into fights or anything, it's just that lot of my anxieties are tied in with politics as I am in the group affected by the cost of living crisis. So I'm not looking for a political debate, I'm just sharing my anxieties. The two are different.
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Anxiety is one of the major symptoms of being on the spectrum. so nothing to be concerned about.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
Anxiety is one of the major symptoms of being on the spectrum. so nothing to be concerned about.
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I think I do feel more anxiety than the average AS person. Autism anxiety Vs general anxiety disorder can be different.
The anxiety that comes with autism is more likely to be immediate feelings during sensory triggers. For me (and non-autistics with anxiety disorders) it's more a case of pessimistic "what if?" thinking and caring too much about things and people around you and being hypersensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings as well as your own wellbeing.
 
I'm too rational to let anxiety bother me, had some issues after the stroke some of the brain damage effected my emotions. not much of any issue any more, did not take any prescription.
 
Misty Avich said:
or me (and non-autistics with anxiety disorders) it's more a case of pessimistic "what if?" thinking and caring too much about things and people around you and being hypersensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings as well as your own wellbeing.
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When I was young I used to constantly think I always said the wrong things.
I don't any longer. <shrug>
 
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