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Sometimes wish I did not have aspergers!

Suzanne

Suzanne

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
The more I spend time in neurotypicals company, the more I see the deficit in me and it is incredibly uncomfortable.

Even just down to asking on a global scale ie through zoom rooms: how is everyone? I am always the one not asking, because I suddenly become mute.

I know it is silly, but to know that I am on the bottom heap, is not a nice feeling.
 
You are not on the bottom heap, Suzanne. Neurodivergent individuals are special and often amazingly diverse. Don't put yourself down just because you feel different to the others you are communicating with. To be a good listener is important. Everyone is always talking, but not all have anything real to say.
 
SimonSays said:
You are not on the bottom heap, Suzanne. Neurodivergent individuals are special and often amazingly diverse. Don't put yourself down just because you feel different to the others you are communicating with. To be a good listener is important. Everyone is always talking, but not all have anything real to say.
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Wish I could tell my brain that lol but the way I am treated, it does make me feel that I am of no importance.

Thanks for taking the time to reply though.
 
Suzanne said:
Wish I could tell my brain that lol but the way I am treated, it does make me feel that I am of no importance.
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I understand. The thing is you can tell your brain that, it just takes a bit of practice, and you start by not thinking those thoughts that reinforce the feeling of having no importance.

If you feel you are not being treated right, then perhaps you are attempting to get something from the wrong people.
 
Reminds me of how some professionals used to think I was horribly socially incompetent and unable to communicate. Turns out I can speak more than fine if it's in the right environment and it was just the horribly unfriendly way that things like interviews or group meetings are set up that cause muting.
It's a shame that inability in a few select areas is what we end up primarily judged on, it wipes everything we can still do under the rug.
 
To the eyes of fishes, eagles are messed up because they cant properly swim.

Dont compare yourself with fishes using fish metrics. Do open your wings, feel the wind and fly. You deserve to be compared with other eagles by your own metrics.

:)
 
What about keeping your 'focus' and all that 'good' traits but being able to socialize well too, i would take that.
Sometimes people think i am dumb or something treats me with unconscious contempt, they even don't realize i think its just a reaction. I really hate that.
 
From a social perspective, which I believe you are speaking from,...yes,...it is a difficult thing to process. What neurotypical children just seem to understand intuitively from a social perspective,...frankly, often what the family dog understands,...we struggle with. It is the underlying condition that autism gets its name from "auto",...or "self".

It's this combination of misunderstanding, confusion, frustration, and feelings of being "less than" that underlies our social thinking and interpersonal behavior. It's the awkwardness, stumbling over our words, difficulties articulating our thoughts,...sigh. I have to deal with physicians on a daily basis,...nice people, caring, intelligent,...but then I am a specialist and find myself frequently trying to explain and teach them things,...and I often receive that "blank" or "distant" gaze like, "I have no idea what you just said." It's frustrating because,...in my world, lives are at stake. "Did I just go over their heads?" "Was it the way I was explaining it?" "Was it my autism?" It's probably one of the most personally irritating things I have to deal with.

I can teach students pretty well,...I've often had positive feedback within this context,...but for some reason, with my peers, it's a different situation that I can't seem to put a finger on.
 
My PTSD was due to the negative narrative I cloaked myself in from feeling hurt and unwanted. I have had to recognize that most of that were lies done out of habit when I actually was able to transcend my poor social skills and self image by force of will. I am rewriting that narrative, even now, because I am finding that my experiences make me an interesting person.

@Suzanne , Kurt Vonnegut says it all.
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When I tell myself that same thought, I always think: but would I want to sacrifice my unique vision and abilities in order to fit in more socially?

I might be wrong but I attribute a lot of my positive qualities to aspergers, but remind myself its perhaps that society isn't designed to accept them all yet. It doesn't change the situation but it helps adjust my attitude slightly.
 
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LadyS said:
When I tell myself that same thought, I always think: but would I want to sacrifice my unique vision and abilities in order to fit in more socially?

I might be wrong but I attribute a lot of my positive qualities to aspergers, but remind myself its perhaps that society isn't designed to accept them yet. It doesn't change the situation but it helps adjust my attitude slightly.
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Exactly! I enjoy that I delight in everything from nature to architecture. Why would I wish to be dull witted, spending my weekends slack-jawed, watching sports on TV?
 
Neonatal RRT said:
From a social perspective, which I believe you are speaking from,...yes,...it is a difficult thing to process. What neurotypical children just seem to understand intuitively from a social perspective,...frankly, often what the family dog understands,...we struggle with. It is the underlying condition that autism gets its name from "auto",...or "self".

It's this combination of misunderstanding, confusion, frustration, and feelings of being "less than" that underlies our social thinking and interpersonal behavior. It's the awkwardness, stumbling over our words, difficulties articulating our thoughts,...sigh. I have to deal with physicians on a daily basis,...nice people, caring, intelligent,...but then I am a specialist and find myself frequently trying to explain and teach them things,...and I often receive that "blank" or "distant" gaze like, "I have no idea what you just said." It's frustrating because,...in my world, lives are at stake. "Did I just go over their heads?" "Was it the way I was explaining it?" "Was it my autism?" It's probably one of the most personally irritating things I have to deal with.

I can teach students pretty well,...I've often had positive feedback within this context,...but for some reason, with my peers, it's a different situation that I can't seem to put a finger on.
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I have had seme experiences of that happening with peers. Sometimes it was because i could weigh many pathways to a solution quickly and understand the best path which to others seems like a speculative shortcut. I am friends with a well known geologist who thinks like that and when more than preliminary data finally comes in, is frequently correct.
 
Just wish you had more ND people around you. Having lots of NT people around you can be difficult. For lots of reasons. And it just magnifies our insecurities of what we don't do. Sometimes l want to get away from it.

Hey good luck. May you find a friend who is like you. I have been lucky to meet some very mellow laid-back types that don't talk loud either.
 
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Autism is more of a difference than a deficiency, if you let yourself use it as such.

Zoom chat etiquette really only became A Very Big Deal in 2020. The rest of everything? You are going to be fine at.
 
...and then I think the wealthiest person in the world is an Aspie. (Not to mention possibly various historical figures) Without noting anything political, it's still something that's pretty remarkable and noteworthy.
 
Forest Cat said:
The thing about wealth is that it doesn't change who you are inside. So if you have AS problems and you have no money, you still have those problems if you are wealthy. That sucks a little, can't buy happiness.
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I think that goes for anyone regardless if they're Aspie or not. A big part of happiness is your attitude. So you can do "woe is I" because I'll never be accepted or ok so I won't get what others have but I do have XYZ and see what I can do with that and where I can go. But I know that's easier said than done. We all have our demons to fight.
 
LadyS said:
I think that goes for anyone regardless if they're Aspie or not. A big part of happiness is your attitude. So you can do "woe is I" because I'll never be accepted or ok so I won't get what others have but I do have XYZ and see what I can do with that and where I can go. But I know that's easier said than done. We all have our demons to fight.
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Funny how in this life there is no new way to sin. At age 25 I was in the "woe is I" mode and it was getting tiresome for me also. I decided to enjoy my interests and get involved and things started happening when I learned to live independently and finally got it through my thick skull that I had to earn my happiness.
 
LadyS said:
We all have our demons to fight.
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And not all Demons are created equal. Some people have it objectively way harder than others. This is a fact of life that cannot be glossed over. It's easy for people who have had many breaks in life, to talk about how effort is rewarding, this may be true, up to a point, but some have astronomically harder challenges. And very unfortunate backgrounds and circumstances.

I don't think happiness is earned, it's a state of mind that brain taps into, a chemical based reaction. And it can do this any time. As long as you are healthy. You no more earn it, than you consciously digest your food. It's natural phenomena, a natural process. It just happens, by itself. And ends by itself, when we begin to preoccupy our perception on the negative things in life, and our bodies are overloaded with stress hormones. (Cortisol is a neurotransmitter as well as endocrine hormone.)
 
I don't like having autism either. Some people with autism are very good looking or intelligent despite having autism, i have no such assets.
 
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Slim Jim said:
I don't think happiness is earned, it's a state of mind that brain taps into, a chemical based reaction.
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You are right that circumstance can impact how easy or hard it is to attain social or relationship goals, especially when dysfunction is rooted in our perceptions. Yet, I recognized that I had to work to earn my happiness.

I entered adulthood without much agency. I had normal desires for relationships without the skills to reach such a goal. I had to learn how to advocate for myself to live independently and learn that the world is not going to gift me with a relationship. Part of that, in fact, was to learn to assert my boundaries and making the effort to understand that I am an interesting and valuable person. Then I understood that to earn the relationship I desired I needed to approach and connect with the women I felt were interesting. That was a process that took 3 years and I worked to create the opportunity for happiness in that dimension of my life.
 
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