Hello Everyone
I'm 46, married, one kid, pets, successful career and I've been playing a role for as long as I can remember. (oddly, I even presented a TV show for a while..LOL). My son was tested for autism aged 2 after he wasn't speaking - turned out to be a hearing issue that is now fixed. But during that process I found myself reviewing my childhood and realizing that there were a lot of things I no longer let myself do, but had my seven year old self taken some of the tests my son was being asked to (or I was being asked to answer on his behalf), I would most likely have been given a diagnosis.
I didn't think much about it until recently when one of my regular blind spots broke through during a stressful patch at work (I find it much harder to keep it all together when things are high stress), and work decided I needed an executive coach. At which point I confessed that this was something that happened about every 18 months, and an executive coach (I've seen a few) probably wouldn't suggest any strategy that made sense to mr, that the challenge was that I think I'm wired differently.
Work didn't react negatively at all. But suggested that if I've been thinking that I'm probably on the spectrum for a few years, maybe I should go and find out. Because that might open up some new strategies for handling blind spots.
So, I have a full day of testing in early Feb. And we'll see where that goes.
I've done all the online things I can find - of course - and I typically score just over or just under the dx boundary - but I find these things hard because often I know what the 'right' answer is and so taking the time to try to peel back the layers of accommodation and ask my seven year old self - hey, what would you have done here - takes a lot of effort.
Some of my quirks...
and.... I look forward to getting to know anyone that my list resonates with... I'll share what my dx experience is like. I'll appreciate the feedback on that.
Kiellara.
I'm 46, married, one kid, pets, successful career and I've been playing a role for as long as I can remember. (oddly, I even presented a TV show for a while..LOL). My son was tested for autism aged 2 after he wasn't speaking - turned out to be a hearing issue that is now fixed. But during that process I found myself reviewing my childhood and realizing that there were a lot of things I no longer let myself do, but had my seven year old self taken some of the tests my son was being asked to (or I was being asked to answer on his behalf), I would most likely have been given a diagnosis.
I didn't think much about it until recently when one of my regular blind spots broke through during a stressful patch at work (I find it much harder to keep it all together when things are high stress), and work decided I needed an executive coach. At which point I confessed that this was something that happened about every 18 months, and an executive coach (I've seen a few) probably wouldn't suggest any strategy that made sense to mr, that the challenge was that I think I'm wired differently.
Work didn't react negatively at all. But suggested that if I've been thinking that I'm probably on the spectrum for a few years, maybe I should go and find out. Because that might open up some new strategies for handling blind spots.
So, I have a full day of testing in early Feb. And we'll see where that goes.
I've done all the online things I can find - of course - and I typically score just over or just under the dx boundary - but I find these things hard because often I know what the 'right' answer is and so taking the time to try to peel back the layers of accommodation and ask my seven year old self - hey, what would you have done here - takes a lot of effort.
Some of my quirks...
- I am exhausted when I'm around lots of people. Social situations can be anxiety inducing unless I have a role to play (I've hosted a lot of galas etc and I can handle it because I know what I'm meant to be doing).
- I make connections and 'get' things very quickly. I've had to learn to bring others with me, and be patient to help them get there, that they don't necessarily see the solutions in the way that I can.
- I have a good memory and good recall. I assimilate information quickly and add things to my tool box that are useful.
- I make mountains out of molehills before the mole has even dug the first hole...and develop and practice all the scenarios and strategies, in my head.
- Didn't pretend play with kids, just in my head. Read lots of non fiction, but also wrote lots of very imaginative stories.
- Used to get frustrated with people who are illogical. Still do. Don't put me in front of an anti vaxxer, an astrologer or anyone who tends to the side of believing in stuff like chemtrails, conspiracies etc.
- No real kid friends until I was a teenager. All adults. Considered to be a bossy know it all, consistently pointing out where others were incorrect etc. (quickly figured out that didn't help with the friend thing)
- very clumsy and uncoordinated, still am.
- Imaginary friends for years and believing myself to be from another planet, including creating new language, dictionary, etc.
- My first love is astronomy, I love nothing more than being by myself with the universe.
- intrusive thoughts about killing myself and then planning out all the ways I would a) do that and b) protect my family and friends from that. Similarly thoughts about what I'd do if my husband died. And often horrible visions of my son dying. I hate intrusive thoughts.
- Very particular about rules and what is proper and just. Being a Brit in the USA is sometimes a challenge, particularly with the lousy timekeeping of most Californians...And please don't park wrongly with me in the car because I'll get all antsy until you straighten up and no longer intrude on other parking spaces / fire lane etc.
- Never been interested in fashion etc. Just copied things I thought looked good on others. Resulted in horribly old fashioned wardrobe as a teenager/young adult.
- Crying at both good and bad news on the radio. Cry at lots of songs. Can't sing some songs because I cry. Good job I don't wear makeup because I wouldn't get to work in any kind of decent shape.
- I experience emotions of all kinds, including love, although I have a tendency to analyze what's going on in terms of the biology, which isn't very romantic. And often I'll talk about that because it fascinates me. I once had a new co-worker who I obviously had compatible genes with because his mere presence would give me such large dopamine etc hits that I was struck breathless and dry mouthed. After he asked me about why I acted a little oddly around him, I simply explained exactly what chemical impact he was having on me and that I was just trying to manage it until it went away because i wasn't in a position to act on it. He wasn't quite sure what to make of that.
- I love to people watch and sometimes i stare. My mum used to sit me in a cafe in a window seat and ask me what I thought about certain people outside. Then she'd help me spot things (see, he's wearing x which probably means that he's y..) I swear she knew I needed help with all this and this was her way of teaching me.
- I inappropriately overshare at times (like this long email..)
and.... I look forward to getting to know anyone that my list resonates with... I'll share what my dx experience is like. I'll appreciate the feedback on that.
Kiellara.
