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Sorry

M

mikkyh

Well-Known Member
I feel I must make an apology to the Aspergic community, and to the whole word in general.

Recently...I haven't been myself. Agressive feelings; the urge of drinking alcohol and paranoia have taken over my life, and there aren't any signs of things getting better. I can tell, and I know that this isnt paranoia, that I have offended all of you and especially aimed pointless shots at Calvert.

I don't know what it is. But I have all of these feelings of frustration and anger and even grasping what I have always wanted: a couple of friends in my hands hasn't lifted these mixed emotions - mixed to the extent that I just cannot interpret them. I have no right, I know. I hate "hiding behind my illness" but Asperger Syndrome controls a large amount of my life, and it is known that a stereotypical and somewhat true behaviour of someone with an ASD is agression: either on themselves or on others. The past 7 years or so, I have been taking anger out on myself and inanimate objects...but the feelings of anger have somewhat taken over. I get frustrated with the smallest things and at nearly EVERYONE.

Confused

Angry

Frustrated

Depressed

Things are changing. I'm nearly 16. SIX-****ING-TEEN. Life is moving way too fast. What happened to all of these years ? I've spent them self harming; crying every night; in isolation; trying to make friends when even they can't bring an end to my suffering. Sometimes, death seems to be the only answer.

I want to smash everything up. Break stuff. I've been slamming doors and throwing objects today, and my mum hasn't noticed. I am so close to doing a cut on my hand...and therefore probably spending a night in A&E (there are a few veins quite up there) and a short stay in a mental hospital.

Talking about mental hospitals...at times I really want to go back. I perhaps need it. What do you think my psychologist would say if she saw this ???

I'm trying hard to keep up. But life's a marathon runner and I'm an autistic, asmhatic, overweight 15 year old passive smoker.

So. Basically. The point of this thread is to say sorry. I always visit Aspergic every day. And I try to see the positive sides to things. But it's so goddamn hard. I will literally spend hours trying to think of a TRUE positive point to a situation.

Things dont seem to be improving, and to be honest the anger is just getting worse. I hope we can all remain friends when I get out of this ordeal.

:wub: I love Aspergic :wub:

Way more than just a support forum

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The best of friends will be waiting at the other end of the tunnel :wave: :) :lol: :rolleyes: :dribble: :wave:
 
Its cool, we all can understand what you are going through on your everyday life and we all have times when we take out on our closest ones, I tend to do it occasionally (but not intentionally).

If your psychologist saw it, then maybe he/she would start to understand what you are been going through and would be clear for him/her to know what's been bothering you, it would be very useful thing to do Mike. :D

You're still young and it's never too late to have any fun yet it can be a stressful age, yet you haven't reached my age yet, once you're at my age it could be alot harder than it was when I was 16 so my advice to you is to make the most of it and have fun because there's no turning back.


- superboyian.
 
I can't really relate to how depressed you obviously are. I don't think anyone can unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. I got depressed a lot when I was 16 and my life sucked. I still get a little depressed even now, from time to time, even though my life is pretty good. But there is depression and there is depression, as you know.

If I had to pick an age where my AS/HFA traits were at their peak, I would say 16. The traits will fade (but you will still be you, just more functional). In my case life kept getting better, and even though I left "16 years old" behind 29 years ago, life is still pretty good.

Don't give up. Find what makes you feel better and grab onto it. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Do what it takes to get you through this rough patch.
 
My dad: "My kids are such a ****ing disappointment"

Now he's being a grumpy prick there's no reason for me not to...
 
I know how you feel, Michael. I'm 22 and still have no life. I still felt that way at 16 though. And I still feel like that now.
 
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