Sort of depressed, a conversation today, yes, I do have a relationship

[Sherlock77]

Went to church this morning, a glorious, cold, Christmas Eve... There was an announcement about an old acquaintance, Jeremy, who got married over the weekend, I knew he was an older man... There was some mention of a speech he gave at the wedding about how important his new bride is in his life, for those who follow a faith tradition, Jeremy is a fairly new Christian...

All fine and good, and I'm happy for him.

Talked to his dad after the service, I know Ian quite well, I did ask him... He said that Jeremy only met her six months ago, and yes, Jeremy is 41 years old, so an older man, somewhat...

Me? I'm 45 been doing things, hanging out with another lady since April, for whatever reason we aren't officially dating, still doing things together, still texting on a fairly regular basis, etc...

I guess what bugs me (I know I shouldn't compare), is that I'm nowhere even close to getting married despite being in a relationship, did I do something wrong? Other than being an Aspie... Once again I'm glad for him, but I am sort of depressed, makes me feel like a screw up though, like the world is passing me by...

 

[LucyPurrs]

Maybe you just haven't yet met someone who inspires you to get married?

 

[watersprite]

Use your own measure of your relationship, don't let others compare you favoarably or unfavorably to anyone, not even some man at your church. The way you wrote it sounds like you might be mixing up what you'd like others to think of 'you' - the man who is sherlock 77 - with what your & your partner's needs are?

 

[Flinty]

I guess what bugs me (I know I shouldn't compare), is that I'm nowhere even close to getting married despite being in a relationship, did I do something wrong? Other than being an Aspie... Once again I'm glad for him, but I am sort of depressed, makes me feel like a screw up though, like the world is passing me by...

1. You have done nothing wrong.
2. Don't worry about marriage; it's not time for that yet. I worry more about those who would marry at the drop of a hat.

 

[Sherlock77]

I just know that the older people get, I think they know themselves better... And if they marry later in life it can tend to happen much quicker...

Back in 1961, my parents married late in life, my mom came to Canada from England in spring 1961, met a Russian immigrant, they fell in love... By December 1961 they were married (he was 40, she was 32), they went on to have a successful marriage and have four children, I was born 10 years in when he was 50 and she was 42...

So I know it can happen, but maybe shouldn't push myself too much, it's just tempting, even at my older age I'm seeing more and more of my peers taking the big step that I'm not taking...

 

[OkRad]

Oh. Yeah. I "hung out" with a guy for 15 YEARS before he finally revealed the obvious.

 

[Sid Delicious]

You shouldn't feel pressured into marriage just because other people do it. My parents married young and weren't at all compatible, but stayed together 'for the kids' and because of religion/tradition. To all outside appearances, they would be considered fortunate to have such a long marriage. But as their daughter I got to see the relationship from the inside and I know they would have been much happier with other people. I know two other couples who recently got divorced after a decade or so, and another married couple who are currently stuck living in the same house for financial reasons but both are having affairs with other people. Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also be a nightmare if you jump into it with someone incompatible. This time of year seems to bring out all the drama in relationships and I get to see a lot of the emotional turmoil that goes on in people's homes. I wouldn't envy your friend or feel like a 'screw up' just because he's married and you are not.

I came very close to getting married in my early 20s and I'm very glad I didn't as we would no longer be together today. I would rather be alone than marry someone who wasn't right for me. If I do meet someone compatible, then so be it. But I won't agree to marry just to feel like I've ticked a box. You should take things at whatever pace feels right for you.

 

[Sherlock77]

You shouldn't feel pressured into marriage just because other people do it. My parents married young and weren't at all compatible, but stayed together 'for the kids' and because of religion/tradition. To all outside appearances, they would be considered fortunate to have such a long marriage. But as their daughter I got to see the relationship from the inside and I know they would have been much happier with other people. I know two other couples who recently got divorced after a decade or so, and another married couple who are currently stuck living in the same house for financial reasons but both are having affairs with other people. Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also be a nightmare if you jump into it with someone incompatible. This time of year seems to bring out all the drama in relationships and I get to see a lot of the emotional turmoil that goes on in people's homes. I wouldn't envy your friend or feel like a 'screw up' just because he's married and you are not.

I came very close to getting married in my early 20s and I'm very glad I didn't as we would no longer be together today. I would rather be alone than marry someone who wasn't right for me. If I do meet someone compatible, then so be it. But I won't agree to marry just to feel like I've ticked a box. You should take things at whatever pace feels right for you.

Good thoughts... We still enjoy doing things together on a regular basis, and seem to enjoy each other's company... It does seem like nothing has changed much in the relationship for awhile, except that we do things together... I wonder if it's because I have trouble communicating my emotions, she was the one who effectively initiated the whole relationship back in the spring... No pressure, but Valentine's Day is coming up soon enough, now I opened another can of worms...