Sorting Through Self Diagnosis - Do I Fit In Here ?

[mrzippy55]

62 year old man. Married 40+ years. Held same job 31 years. Doesn't sound like a candidate for an Asperger's diagnosis. But when I started investigating Asperger's, thinking someone I knew might have this, I felt like I was reading about myself.
I've taken all the tests online. They all say likely ASD or high probability of ASD.
I relate strongly to most of the symptoms except a couple big ones bother me.

I have always had great difficulty with eye contact. Having a corporate job forced me to overcome this a little although I still struggle. But as a child up to age 5 there there are a few pictures of me looking into the camera or looking at an adult behind the camera. It appears that I made some eye contact with people close to me.

I did have meaningless rituals and still have some today but as far as rigid routines not so much. Like I didn't have to put my clothes on in the same order or things like that. But I am very consistent in doing things the same basic way all the time. Plus I am thrown off when things aren't as I expect them to be.

And then there is the matter of the degree of the symptoms. I have no friends and I struggle with anything social yet if I have to I can sometimes get by in social situations. If I choose situations that favor my strengths I can do quite well.

I guess when reading about Asperger's I go back and forth between feeling "that is so me" and "I'm not quite that bad".

I think I've succeeded largely due to the perfect job and the perfect partner falling into my lap at the same time and saving me from the destructive paths I was about to follow.

At this point it is important for me to know if I have Asperger's because it would explain a lot about my life. I've given up on a professional diagnosis because I have had trouble find someone that actually specializes in this plus my insurance wouldn't cover it. Plus I doubt the diagnosis would be positive due to the perceived lack of impairment since I have been married and held a job so long.

I have looked for adult support groups in my area and found none.
Still sorting all this out.

Rick

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard Rick
I hope you enjoy the community here

 

[malortie]

mrzippy55

Welcome to the forums.

When you mainly said about having difficulties looking at camera, or sustaining eye contact, I can tell you that you are not alone. I too have these "quirks".

I, along with the others hope that you will find what you are looking for in this friendly and light-heart community.

 

[TSS]

62 year old man. Married 40+ years. Held same job 31 years. Doesn't sound like a candidate for an Asperger's diagnosis. But when I started investigating Asperger's, thinking someone I knew might have this, I felt like I was reading about myself.
I've taken all the tests online. They all say likely ASD or high probability of ASD.
I relate strongly to most of the symptoms except a couple big ones bother me.

I have always had great difficulty with eye contact. Having a corporate job forced me to overcome this a little although I still struggle. But as a child up to age 5 there there are a few pictures of me looking into the camera or looking at an adult behind the camera. It appears that I made some eye contact with people close to me.

I did have meaningless rituals and still have some today but as far as rigid routines not so much. Like I didn't have to put my clothes on in the same order or things like that. But I am very consistent in doing things the same basic way all the time. Plus I am thrown off when things aren't as I expect them to be.

And then there is the matter of the degree of the symptoms. I have no friends and I struggle with anything social yet if I have to I can sometimes get by in social situations. If I choose situations that favor my strengths I can do quite well.

I guess when reading about Asperger's I go back and forth between feeling "that is so me" and "I'm not quite that bad".

I think I've succeeded largely due to the perfect job and the perfect partner falling into my lap at the same time and saving me from the destructive paths I was about to follow.

At this point it is important for me to know if I have Asperger's because it would explain a lot about my life. I've given up on a professional diagnosis because I have had trouble find someone that actually specializes in this plus my insurance wouldn't cover it. Plus I doubt the diagnosis would be positive due to the perceived lack of impairment since I have been married and held a job so long.

I have looked for adult support groups in my area and found none.
Still sorting all this out.

Rick

I think I know how you feel. I, too, have had a hard time finding someone in my area that diagnoses ASD in adults. I have a Psychologist that has kind of diagnosed me. I still just don't know. I have taken the test and always score high on these test ASD. I don't like social situations and don't go to social events if I can avoid them I do. I like to know what to expect before, it helps me a lot to reduce the anxiety. I, also, have little rituals that I go through. I don't know if this Is OCD or high anxiety. A lot of the characteristics of ASD relates to me. I have a job that someone with ASD would have a hard time at. I did at first and spent many a nights crying. I was very anxious at work. Most people took it as me just being very shy and reserved. I was scared out of my wits. As the last couple of years I have gotten better at work and am good at playing the part. I have a hard time talking to people I don't know on most subjects. There are certain people I feel more comfortable talking to if we stay on a topic that is of interest to me, other wise I zone out. I feel comfortable in the field of golf, my thing. It has taken me years to come up with the courage to play golf with others. When I am going to the course I get very anxious but I am forcing myself to go out of my comfort zone. Once I start I am fine and usually have a good time. It is hard but I have adjusted over my life time. Hang in there.

 

[Progster]

Hi Rick, welcome to the forum. It helps a lot to read about other people's experiences, so you've come to the right place

 

[watersprite]

Welcome mrzippy55.
Good luck with this new stage. Lots of us here in various stages of questioning, learning and journeying.

 

[Cosmophylla]

Hi mrzippy55 , thanks for your excellent intro.

As others above have said, many of us here are still questioning, researching, wondering, doubting, affirming, and requestioning ourselves. I am self diagnosed (diagnosed in January at 39) and am just beginning the clinical diagnostic process now, but only because we have bulk billing clinic (free) in our town.

I'm sure the more you read here the more you'll see that there are others who show traits like yours. We are all different under the same umbrella.

Looking forward to seeing you around the forums.