Today I had gym class for fourth period. I sat on the floor on my computer and did not participate because I find gym overwhelming. It is still overwhelming when I am not participating because there is lots of noise and sometimes I feel like I have to keep an eye on the ball because I worry about it hitting me, but it is less overwhelming when I do not participate than when I do. I did not talk during gym. After gym I told my gym teacher that I do not participate in gym because I have sensory issues due to my being autistic. I had trouble telling him because I was stumbling over my words and I felt embarrassed.
In 5th period physics I talked a bit, but not much.
In 6th period I felt tired and did not want to talk at all. I did not say a word and only communicated with sounds.
After 6th period I had a meeting with my guidance counselor. I told her that I didn't want to talk and she asked if we could talk for five minutes. I agreed to it because I didn't want to be rude. I answered most of her questions in short responses, but some of them I had longer responses to. Eventually we talked about me asking people for things more and she said I could ask her if we could be done talking, as it had been longer than five minutes. I eventually managed to ask her, but I had trouble getting the words out and teared up (I think the tearing up was because I felt guilty for asking if we could stop talking). I sat there for a bit longer and responded to the things she said with "mm" sounds. I brought up one thing she had said earlier, but that was it. Then I left.
I didn't speak at all 8th period and haven't spoken at all yet this period (9th). I don't plan on talking for at least another hour.
What I don't understand is why I feel so averse to speaking today. I'm normally not like this. Typically, although I don't talk much at school, I don't feel averse to talking. But today I have wanted to be silent for a good amount of the school day and have also struggled to get words out at some points. I have considered the fact that it may be autistic burnout, but I don't know.
In 5th period physics I talked a bit, but not much.
In 6th period I felt tired and did not want to talk at all. I did not say a word and only communicated with sounds.
After 6th period I had a meeting with my guidance counselor. I told her that I didn't want to talk and she asked if we could talk for five minutes. I agreed to it because I didn't want to be rude. I answered most of her questions in short responses, but some of them I had longer responses to. Eventually we talked about me asking people for things more and she said I could ask her if we could be done talking, as it had been longer than five minutes. I eventually managed to ask her, but I had trouble getting the words out and teared up (I think the tearing up was because I felt guilty for asking if we could stop talking). I sat there for a bit longer and responded to the things she said with "mm" sounds. I brought up one thing she had said earlier, but that was it. Then I left.
I didn't speak at all 8th period and haven't spoken at all yet this period (9th). I don't plan on talking for at least another hour.
What I don't understand is why I feel so averse to speaking today. I'm normally not like this. Typically, although I don't talk much at school, I don't feel averse to talking. But today I have wanted to be silent for a good amount of the school day and have also struggled to get words out at some points. I have considered the fact that it may be autistic burnout, but I don't know.
