Special Problem: Autism for my daughter

[rams]

I have a special problem which I'm looking for solution. My daughter is diagnized with ASD in 2015 since then we were in waiting list but since last week she was admitted in to OAP programm. She was in special schools and also in regular class with help of special needs teachers.

Now my spouse under influence of people from back home like to take her out of canada to the place where there was no therapists,schools dont entertain ASD kids and there will be no therapy at home. They think therapy is a mere waste of time. How to bring her from that kind of mindset .

 

[As sweet as-pie]

I disagree entirely with therapy for autistic people unless it's for a co-morbid condition. ABA therapy for example has been shown to be traumatic and cause PTSD which will cause even more mental health issues in the long-term. Autism isn't something that can be fixed or lessened so therapy is not needed. Understanding and acceptance is.

 

[rams]

Thanks for your reply. So If its not therapy there should be some term in which we need to make autistic kid do their regular activities. Do we need to train them to do that or just verbally tell them to do tasks and if they dont do get serious on them or just think we as parents made sins in past life.

 

[the_tortoise]

So If its not therapy there should be some term in which we need to make autistic kid do their regular activities. Do we need to train them to do that or just verbally tell them to do tasks and if they dont do get serious on them or just think we as parents made sins in past life.

I don't believe having an autistic child is a punishment for sins in a past life. But even if it was punishment, you can't go back and change a past life -- it's over. All you can do is try to support your autistic child in this life.

I can't suggest a specific way to get your autistic kid do their regular activities because I don't know anything about your kid.

All autistic people are born with brain differences that affect how we see the world, how we think, and how we learn. But autistic people are all different....some autistics need a lot of suport, others need only a little bit. Some autistics need professional therapies, some of us just need extra help from our family, friends, and teachers.

There are some therapies that can help. TEACCH is supposed to be really good, at least for visual learners. Occupational therapy can help with sensory issues, motor coordination, and learning self-care tasks. Speech therapy can be helpful for speech and language problems.

There is a sub-forum here specifically for parenting discussions -- you might get more replies from other parents there, or find helpful discussions about choosing how to support autistic children. Here is a link to it: Parenting & Autism Discussions

 

[rams]

Thanks for your reply. The sin dialogue is not from me but a constant from my spouse and my MIL. So In all and all either she needs some kind of therapy whether its speech or occupational or behaviour and also support and positive approach from family which is lacking here. And thanks for link I will update there too.

 

[rams]

I have a special problem which I'm looking for solution. My daughter is diagnized with ASD in 2015 since then we were in waiting list but since last week she was admitted in to OAP programm. She was in special schools and also in regular class with help of special needs teachers.

Now my spouse under influence of people from back home like to take her out of canada to the place where there was no therapists,schools dont entertain ASD kids and there will be no therapy at home. They think therapy is a mere waste of time. How to bring her from that kind of mindset .

 

[Bolletje]

Didn’t you post the same thing yesterday?

 

[rams]

yes some one suggested to post it in another group. I thought it went there

 

[Kathos]

I'm wondering if your spouse is getting good information from back home and why they think therapy is bad. I've seen speech, physical, occupational therapy in action and I think its great, it did wonders for my child and the therapists were always positive and upbeat. I've also seen some ABA in action and I believe it really depends on the therapist. ABA is pretty intense because your daughter would be forced into situations she struggles with which can result in a tantrum - my suggestion is to stay close by when they are in ABA and make sure the practitioner is appropriate with your daughter.
I can't imagine helping your daughter all on your own, there is so much expertise in this field and the therapists are not only educated in the area of ASD but also have so much experience working with other ASD kids.

Do we need to train them to do that or just verbally tell them to do tasks and if they dont do get serious on them

I think you need to get them therapy (which is kind of like training but is specific to ASD). You can't just get serious on them, they need the underlying skill sets to complete tasks.

 

[rams]

I'm wondering if your spouse is getting good information from back home and why they think therapy is bad. I've seen speech, physical, occupational therapy in action and I think its great, it did wonders for my child and the therapists were always positive and upbeat. I've also seen some ABA in action and I believe it really depends on the therapist. ABA is pretty intense because your daughter would be forced into situations she struggles with which can result in a tantrum - my suggestion is to stay close by when they are in ABA and make sure the practitioner is appropriate with your daughter.
I can't imagine helping your daughter all on your own, there is so much expertise in this field and the therapists are not only educated in the area of ASD but also have so much experience working with other ASD kids.

Do we need to train them to do that or just verbally tell them to do tasks and if they dont do get serious on them

I think you need to get them therapy (which is kind of like training but is specific to ASD). You can't just get serious on them, they need the underlying skill sets to complete tasks.

Shes getting inputs from my mother in law and my wifes sister who doesnt know how to upbring normal children leave about autistic ones. They dont prefer giving toys,no cartoons,no playing with other children.
I tried to give them awareness but no one is ready to take it.Atleast they are not searching in internet

How many times I told my wife this is not the way. If children doesnt listen first time immediately she gets angry then comes sarcacism warnings and beatings. At present in school and also with therapists she's enjoing but at home if we say no to something tantrums start. If we could show her alternative its fine but if we say no and u cant ask for it etc etc she starts crying.

Now I'm not sure to keep this relationship with my wife so it doesnt affect my child.

 

[rams]

She wants to take for 2 years and send her to ayurvedic therapy. once therapy is done for 15 days then she will take her to grandmothers house where her treatment would be worst than normal children. Should I go for a divorce at this stage?

 

[Kathos]

I think raising children is a challenge in any family and raising autistic children has its own unique set of challenges. Education is the key here and getting on the same page as your wife. You will not find a solution to your problems through a divorce, rather you will loose control during periods that your wife has custody.
Your wife sounds out of control, but I chalk that up to stress and I have a hard time believing that she does not love her own child. It's a tough job and your best bet is to work together and support one another in your efforts. There is no exact answer for your child, because all children are different and no two autistics are the same. You have to try things and then observe how your child responds, and keep at it until you find something that works. Read a lot, talk to a lot of people, even doctors and professionals and in the end, use only what works for your child. Stay positive and understand that your child needs everybody's best effort.
As for ayurvedic therapy, I understand that to be massage, diet and balancing therapy. This sounds like a very positive therapy that has been around for ages and I believe treating the physical health of a child before pursuing subsequent occupational, aba, psychological therapy etc.. is an excellent idea. Unless you have a better suggestion I would support your wife. If you really can't come to an agreement then I would see a licensed marriage and family therapist because getting a divorce would be far more damaging to your child than giving them ayurvedic therapy!

 

[rams]

She loves her own child but when shes in a illusion that child is like normal child and lose all her patience then she listens to someone who's not expertise in dealing with it because they are saying what she likes to listen.

Now she says 2 years after going there with their kind of treatment at home after ayurvedic therapy no one will world will recover instead normal ppl will become autistic. Any quarell between us or between her relatives and me would take anothr 2 yrs from me. should i lose all my status as father by sending her back home

 

[the_tortoise]

You will not find a solution to your problems through a divorce, rather you will loose control during periods that your wife has custody.

You assume that she would get custody. If she abuses the child, I would hope she would get visitation only until she can prove that she will not use beatings and screaming as discipline.

You seem to have missed all the posts where rams talks about his wife hitting and screaming at his child (sometimes for things like not smiling at people or not immediately answering "yes, mum/dad"). Ayurvedic therapy might be beneficial, but it won't cancel out child abuse.

should i lose all my status as father by sending her back home

You have said yourself that she will be treated badly -- even worse than now (with hitting and screaming, I assume?) -- if you send her back home. So I say don't allow it to happen. Do everything you can to protect your child.

 

[rams]

I still didnt go in to divorce phase yet. suppose she takes her without divorce and keeps her backhome infinitely then would i lose all my rights

 

[the_tortoise]

I still didnt go in to divorce phase yet. suppose she takes her without divorce and keeps her backhome infinitely then would i lose all my rights

Not in the eyes of Canadian law, no, but it would be difficult to get her back -- starting with how it would be very difficult to prove that there was any reason your daughter should be brought back to Canada (if this is what y ou mean?).

If your family is all in Canada, you only have to deal with Canadian law -- if your daughter is taken to another country, you have to deal with the laws of both countries, and it gets more difficult.

These are big questions with far-reaching consequences....I really think you should be asking a lawyer about these things.