Staring?

[Peace]

I am constantly being told that I stare. I don't really, it is just perceived that way. I get fixed on a thought (or a hundred), and My head stops in place. I cannot see what is in front of me, only what is in my mind. It is like sudden onset deep meditation. Sometimes, I become fixed on an object, usually a woman's accessories, like hair bows, hats, belts, shoes, or even a nice outfit. When this happens, it almost feels like I am apart from the world around me. My hearing is diminished to muffled sounds, or to nothing at all. When I am in conversation however, I DO stare. I look through the persons eyes, and deep inside. I am often told that people feel this, and it makes most uneasy, understandable. One more thing, I don't blink. I go for long periods of time without needing to and a lot of people comment about this as well.
Thanks for listening, and commenting if you care to.

 

[juniorvindahl]

I get fixed on a thought (or a hundred), and My head stops in place. I cannot see what is in front of me, only what is in my mind. It is like sudden onset deep meditation. Sometimes, I become fixed on an object, usually a woman's accessories, like hair bows, hats, belts, shoes, or even a nice outfit. When this happens, it almost feels like I am apart from the world around me. My hearing is diminished to muffled sounds, or to nothing at all.

I do this. Have done it my entire life. I can do it no matter what I'm looking at; people, tv, landscapes, the computer screen at work, the person I'm talking to. Never on purpose, but suddenly I'm not seeing anything and everything is a blur, including sounds. Often I can shake myself out of it, but sometimes it is really difficult. Especially if I'm tired or stressed. I usually look like this when I do: ::

 

[Peace]

Yes! When I get stressed, I shut down. When in front of the television, I swear I even stop breathing. People have to jump in front of me calling and waving to snap me out of it. I do not have television at my house. Thanks for the input juniorvindahl, it is nice to know that someone else, both shares and understands what life is like for us.

 

[juniorvindahl]

Sometimes it is really hard not to "zone out" and just stare at nothing. Yeah, stop breathing happens. Not for long, but it does. It sounds bad when put like that, but it's fine. We're fine Today I have to really focus to not fall into this. But then again, I am tired, it will pass after lunch when I get some new energy.

It is nice! I didn't know others did this either. But I suppose that is why we have this forum

 

[robertwnielsen]

Hi, HEY! I can post. Woo Hoo! You are my first. I am constantly being told that I stare. I don't really, it is just perceived that way. I get fixed on a thought (or a hundred), and My head stops in place. I cannot see what is in front of me, only what is in my mind. It is like sudden onset deep meditation. Sometimes, I become fixed on an object, usually a woman's accessories, like hair bows, hats, belts, shoes, or even a nice outfit. When this happens, it almost feels like I am apart from the world around me. My hearing is diminished to muffled sounds, or to nothing at all. When I am in conversation however, I DO stare. I look through the persons eyes, and deep inside. I am often told that people feel this, and it makes most uneasy, understandable. One more thing, I don't blink. I go for long periods of time without needing to and a lot of people comment about this as well.
Thanks for listening, and commenting if you care to.

Peace,

I can relate to staring...especially at women. (Although with me, it's not so much their accessories as the woman herself). Perfect example--I used to work as a security guard in one of our local malls...and there was a female salesperson at one of the jewelry stores who was extremely attractive. I remember one day, I was talking with some guys at a fast food stand across the mall from the store this woman worked at...she walked out in a very sexy outfit--short skirt, stiletto heels, the whole nine yards--and she walked out of her store as I was right in the middle of a sentence...I was like, "I'm sorry. The brain you have dialed has been temporarily disconnected!"

Point being, I did stare just like you said you do, Peace.

 

[Peace]

Yep! That's how I do it, or I should say it does me. It is like an involuntary stare that cannot be cancelled until completed.

 

[robertwnielsen]

In the example I gave, it helped (or hurt, as the case may be) that the young woman was drop-dead gorgeous...any male with two functioning eyes would have reacted the same way I did.

But most of the time, when I stare at something (or someone, as the case may be), the stare can't be averted or cancelled until completed. I know how you feel, Peace.

 

[Minuet]

This happens to me all the time! Peace, you described this sensation very eloquently... it is indeed as though I am "apart" from the world around me. My other senses seem to diminish and my focus is either on everything going on in my head, or the object at which I am staring. It's interesting that so many of us share this. I've always felt totally weird when it happens; my friends often poke fun at me for it too!

 

[GoldenRatio]

I definitely do this to, with one thing different. I don't like staring in peoples eyes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get upset when people try to get me out of the so-called daydream. It is very peaceful and allows me to immerse myself in that thought.

 

[latortilla]

staring feels soooo good! but I was told it's socially inappropriate in like first grade. but if i'm stressed out enough, **** it. I'm doing my thousand yard stare.
Having said that, I'm not sure at all that I have AS, so maybe staring is something that provides relief for all people.

 

[Neat Hedgehog]

I quite commonly will stare off and away at nothing when people ask me questions. I can't always look at them and think at the same time, so I will look at them while they talk, and then immediately look away when it's my turn to respond.

A few employers found this perturbing, like they thought it seemed "shifty" and would try to get me to look at them. Now I can generally explain it properly so they won't bother me about it, but I know some people still don't like it. But like I tell them, I can either look at them and spend my brain cycles processing their facial expression and body language, or give them a coherent answer.

 

[robertwnielsen]

I quite commonly will stare off and away at nothing when people ask me questions. I can't always look at them and think at the same time, so I will look at them while they talk, and then immediately look away when it's my turn to respond.

A few employers found this perturbing, like they thought it seemed "shifty" and would try to get me to look at them. Now I can generally explain it properly so they won't bother me about it, but I know some people still don't like it. But like I tell them, I can either look at them and spend my brain cycles processing their facial expression and body language, or give them a coherent answer.

Neat,

I can somewhat relate to that--I will start a conversation with someone and look at them, but within probably a minute, I find myself looking off into space, away from their eyes. I actually had a former employer (my sup at Walgreens) comment on that when I told her about it--she understood and said she could accept it. It does tend to drive my wife nuts, but I probably look at her when we talk more than anybody I know. (The fact that she's beautiful helps, let me tell you.)

 

[Minuet]

I definitely do this to, with one thing different. I don't like staring in peoples eyes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get upset when people try to get me out of the so-called daydream. It is very peaceful and allows me to immerse myself in that thought.

I absolutely can NOT look someone in the eye unless I know them very well and am comfortable with them. It makes social encounters with strangers (often important people such as future employers or influential adults) very difficult. Glad to hear I am not the only one with this issue - and I would call it an issue, at least for me.

Does anyone else love staring at the sky?

 

[GoldenRatio]

I absolutely can NOT look someone in the eye unless I know them very well and am comfortable with them. It makes social encounters with strangers (often important people such as future employers or influential adults) very difficult. Glad to hear I am not the only one with this issue - and I would call it an issue, at least for me

I can definitely relate, the more comfortable I am with a person the easier it is for me. If the air is calm and I am with someone I do not know so well, I will engage in more eye contact but, I have to be in a calm environment for that to occur. On the flip side, if I am with people I am very comfortable with and tension is in the air, or someone is attempting to elicit emotional responses that confuse me, I avoid eye contact at that point lol.

 

[GoldenRatio]

Glad to hear I am not the only one with this issue - and I would call it an issue, at least for me.

I forgot to add this part lol. I have a hard time calling how I act as an issue. The reason for this is because having a good day dream is not malicious in nature, nor do we do it to disrespect someone. I use to find this as an issue but no rejoice in who I am, which may make it easier for me to feel it is not. I sort of look at Asperger's abstractly and here is why. I think it is safe to say aspie's are extremely smart people who, as Grenadin put it, are generally the driving force behind today's technology. We are able to make decisions based upon logic and rationality. Our decisions aren't typically impeded by emotions that cloud judgement. We are led to believe that how are brains work are an "issue" because NT's base their life on social status in which we generally do not fit on. Our lack of placement on the social ladder has led us to be ridiculed. People like Jenny McCarthy who call Autism and "epidemic", like it is some sort of nasty disease. I understand that full autism must be hard for an NT parent, but by no stretch should it ever be referred to as "epidemic" and this too causes us to believe we have issues. Sorry, I get seriously frustrated at times because this is a situation that I can truly empathize with. Maybe my view point is askew and I am always open for commentary and correction, especially from someone as smart and powerful as an aspie.

 

[Minuet]

I only meant that for me, not being able to look someone in the eye is an issue for me. Not daydreaming or anything like that.
And I believe it is an issue, because it inhibits my social interactions and therefor has a negative impact on my life. In my experience, people are NOT understanding when it comes to eye contact; in fact, I've found them to be ruthless, judging me negatively upon my first encounter with them and not taking my words seriously because I can't look them in the eyes. They also assume that if I'm not making eye contact, I am not listening to them or don't want to be talking to them, which is also untrue.
So I do think it is a problem in my life.

 

[Sparticus]

Peace great thread! Yes I can identify with this. Ever since I read Kurt Vonnegut's "Cat's Cradle" where he described a bumbling genius who is so into what he is doing, thinking, being curious etc-that he is socially oblivious to others. Oh and I love to stare at the sky!

Not only at clouds, birds but especially at trees. Someone saw me doing that at a park [an acquaintaince] and he said that he already knows I love nature...but that I'm one of the few that "looks up at the trees" & that I respect and enjoy nature.

I absolutely can NOT look someone in the eye unless I know them very well and am comfortable with them. It makes social encounters with strangers (often important people such as future employers or influential adults) very difficult. Glad to hear I am not the only one with this issue - and I would call it an issue, at least for me.

Does anyone else love staring at the sky?

Originally Posted by GoldenRatio

"I definitely do this to, with one thing different. I don't like staring in peoples eyes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. I get upset when people try to get me out of the so-called daydream. It is very peaceful and allows me to immerse myself in that thought."

 

[Minuet]

Yes I love everything in the sky too. Birds, trees, planes, clouds. I love the colours of the sky.

 

[GoldenRatio]

I only meant that for me, not being able to look someone in the eye is an issue for me. Not daydreaming or anything like that.
And I believe it is an issue, because it inhibits my social interactions and therefor has a negative impact on my life. In my experience, people are NOT understanding when it comes to eye contact; in fact, I've found them to be ruthless, judging me negatively upon my first encounter with them and not taking my words seriously because I can't look them in the eyes. They also assume that if I'm not making eye contact, I am not listening to them or don't want to be talking to them, which is also untrue.
So I do think it is a problem in my life.

My deepest apologies! Things have been going awry in my home and I have been getting set off at the littlest of things today. I see now how you were stating that. It is an issue and we unfortunately bear the burden.

 

[Minuet]

No worries! I probably wasn't clear enough the first time. But being able to deeply daydream - although not exclusively an autism trait - is a gift for sure! So I suppose it is a double-edged sword and we take the good with the bad, right?