Started dating an Aspie and need advice!

[Anie]

Hello, I need your advice!

I have recently started dating a lovely Aspie guy (I'm NT).

We spend most of our time talking on the phone, and I believe he is more comfortable to get to know me this way as he can be very shy around me when in person.

Everything was going great, or so I thought.. this past week he has not answered my call or texted me. There is no reason for him to be angry with me, everything was going well.

Usually a week of silence would signify that a guy is uninterested. I'd like to be open minded before I think the worst.

Could there be something else going on? Is this common? Could he be needing space? Should I reach out to him, I'm worried he's upset. I know he is going through some issues with his friends..

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[the_tortoise]

I think you should ask him if he is alright, and ask him for the answers to your questions how to interpret his silence.

 

[Anie]

Thank you for replaying so quickly! I have texted him asking if he was alright and apologised ( if I may have offended him).. but he's still not opening my messages. Our last conversation was about how he was interested in me. So surely he can't be ghosting me! I'm so worried about him..

 

[Anie]

When Aspies need space, do they cut off from the world? Is it possible that this is what he is doing?

 

[Pats]

Hi Anie, and welcome. Your question is actually one that can't be answered. People on the spectrum are as different from each other as NT's are. That could be something he's doing. You've texted him 'if he okay' so now all you can do is wait, and when you have an opportunity in the future, ask him directly if that's something you should expect and to explain it to you so you will understand next time.
And keep in mind that 'interested' is not the same as committed.

 

[Anie]

Thank you very much for your feedback. I am open to this being a sign that our relationship is over, but I do not want to move on without considering that by being silent, it might be an Aspie trait which I should be considerate of. I just hope he is ok.

 

[Pats]

Thank you very much for your feedback. I am open to this being a sign that our relationship is over, but I do not want to move on without considering that by being silent, it might be an Aspie trait which I should be considerate of. I just hope he is ok.

I hope he's okay, too. It's always hard not knowing and not hearing. I worry easy - hard not to. I finally came up with a thing with my kids - if I don't hear from them in a while (which is common) I can text one or all Marco so they will know to Polo me back. It's just a short way of saying I'm getting worried, and a short way of them answering they are okay, just busy.

 

[Guest]

surely he can't be ghosting me!

#MeToo era. If he used the hover hand, he's likely ghosting you.

 

[Tom]

Unfortunately there is no way for us to know what it means. It might be him withdrawing out of nervousness or whatever, but also might be he has changed his mind and wants to call it quits. There are tons of similar threads from people like yourself asking that or related questions if you want to do some searching on the forum.

 

[Trophonius]

I have texted him asking if he was alright and apologised ( if I may have offended him).. but he's still not opening my messages. Our last conversation was about how he was interested in me. So surely he can't be ghosting me!

To be honest, I've behaved like that with people and "ghost them" later. The reason was that it is uncomfortable to hurt a person's feeling directly, and seems easier and "cleaner" for both of us.

But from your messages I cannot say much. We're not robots following specific algorithms..., we don't know anything about him to give a proper answer.

You said you texted him, but have you called him? To his personal phone, or house. It may be simply that he is busy (a week of not answering texts doesn't mean much, I'd say).

 

[tree]

@Anie

You may want to look through these threads, if you haven't already.

Challenges in ASD/NT relationships from Aspie POV
Would you Rather Date a...
Aspie boyfriend?
What Aspie traits positively enhance NT/AS relationships?
Aspie boyfriend left me...

 

[onlything]

He may be ghosting you. He may need time. He may be embarrassed. He may be overwhelmed. He may be stressed. He may be busy. He may be focusing on something else. He may... - you get it.

Difficult to say what's in his head. Since I myself can cut myself off from people for about a month(although with a message that I'm going to be unavailable), this is the amount of time I always try to give others. You did what you could, the rest lies with him.

In the meantime, go on with your life.

 

[Anie]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer my question. I must admit, I have been very upset this week so very much appreciate all your feedback.

He finally replied to my 'Im worried about you, are you okay?' message. To my relief, he explained that he is fine but needed some time away to de-stress.

He also reassured me that everything was alright between us, nothings changed. Phew!

 

[Anie]

@Anie

You may want to look through these threads, if you haven't already.

Challenges in ASD/NT relationships from Aspie POV
Would you Rather Date a...
Aspie boyfriend?
What Aspie traits positively enhance NT/AS relationships?
Aspie boyfriend left me...

Thanks for sharing the links- they are very helpful!

 

[Anie]

I hope he's okay, too. It's always hard not knowing and not hearing. I worry easy - hard not to. I finally came up with a thing with my kids - if I don't hear from them in a while (which is common) I can text one or all Marco so they will know to Polo me back. It's just a short way of saying I'm getting worried, and a short way of them answering they are okay, just busy.

That's a very cute way of keeping in touch with your children!