Stepmomma to a kiddo with Aspergers.

[Alexandria Holmes]

hello! I am new here. I'm 29 years old and live in Texas with my family. I am not on the spectrum but I am a parent to a little boy who has aspergers. he is 10 and just finished 5th grade. my husband and I see him every other weekend but we are to the point where we would like more time with him. we feel its important for him to spend equal amount of time with both sets of parents. I know routines are important. are there any people with success on doing 50/50 custody with kids on the spectrum? His mother feels any extra time spent with us that isn't on the current visitation schedule would be too much for him to handle. We feel if a therapist worked with him on how to handle the changes we would get the time we deserve with him. I am just looking for any advice that would be helpful. we don't want to stress him out with too much change at once but we do feel like we are losing out on a lot of time with him since his mother has sole custody. thanks in advance for any insight

 

[Rayner]

I think the best bet would be to get the custody order changed first, if possible then his therapist could help him adjust as to not stress him out.

 

[Bella Pines]

Gradual change too. I have aspergers and I like my routine, I enjoy small changes and eventually the changes settle and become a new routine. I do find that neurotypicals are very "knee jerk". If a friend wants to spend more time with me it's all very urgent and has to happen now now now. I find this quite overwhelming and would rather a more calm and level reaction. Slow, planned and regular. So I would suggest settling in for a time, getting to know his quirks, special interests and how he thinks and reacts. Learn to understand aspergers as a whole and then gradually increase the time in a controlled fashion that works for the boy, not necessarily for you or his father.

His mother will be a complication and likely over protective. But as annoying as this might get you'll have to respect her opinions, whether or not they are warranted. But overall, the fact that the child has such an amazing support network and people who WANT to spend time with him is absolutely fantastic! Really good to hear.

 

[Alexandria Holmes]

We’re hoping the therapist will be able to lead us in the right direction we have worked with his mom on everything. My husband and I feel like we see a completely different kid at our house than what she sees at her house and that’s okay. The end goal here first and foremost is helping Bowen learn coping mechanisms he can use throughout his life as well as all of us parents getting on the same page so we can move on from being every other weekend parents. Thank you for the insight