The first time i saw something on TV about AS I said "that sounds like me" Then I just pushed the idea away. That was four years ago. Last year I started realizing I don't relate or react like other people. I have always had problems with noise and touch sensitivity, I have never had much idea what someone else felt. I didn't even know people had motives till i was in my twenties, I knew motives from books, but I still couldn't understand them. I can't read faces well. I had meltdowns really frequently as a kid, and less often as I got older, but I would have less spectacular meltdowns, usually unexpectedly and not really related to the situation. I was identified as having a learning disability in math, and at the same time as being gifted.
There was talk about holding me back in school in second grade due to lacking emotional maturity and not having good social skills. I was severely bullied in school, although I did have a group of friends till middleschool. In middle school I was at a loss of how to deal with the social complexity.
I also had depression so severe at age 13 my parents took me to a doctor, since they thought I was sick. After seeing how worried they were, I learned to hide my depression better. I had some friends in high school but I wouldn't ever let anyone get too close. I would make a new freind, then not call them to go do things, the idea rarely occurred to me. I was very naive and trusting and would get lead into bad situations or be taken advantage of easily.
I had interests that might not be that unusual, but would be so intense they dominated my life. I would learn a thing so well that adults were impressed by my knowledge, Some of my earlier ones were electronics, chemistry, and mechanics. I could look at something and just understand how it worked, and how it went together. I spent my allowance at the hardware store, and got tools instead of toys for gifts. I would immerse myself for hours, and would tune out the world around me when involved in my interest.
In the last year I have had one real meltdown, and two minor ones that I managed to suppress long enough to get away from people. I know about a hundred people from several groups I do work with, well enough to talk to, but I have no one I can call a friend. I think a few would even like to be my friend. But, I realized I don't know how to do that, what that takes. People have told me I am cold, insensitive, unemotional, un-diplomatic, tactless, hurtful, and unapproachable. I do alright dealing with people working on a common cause, but once it turns social I am in the corner alone, or I just leave without saying goodbye. Often the noise of a social setting becomes too much, with twenty different conversations going at once, I get overwhelmed, it;s like I am being asaulted, and i have to leave.
I scored a 36 on the AQ test and a 140 of 200 AS, 63 of 200 NT on the Aspie quiz. I am sort of beginning to think I may be on the spectrum, but I want to make sure I'm not just looking for an easy answer to some of my issues. I haven't told anyone in my life about this. I have a partner, who has some OCD issues, so we get along well, I haven't told him what I'm thinking either, I want to wait til I am more sure. I would go for a diagnosis but can't afford it, plus it doesn't benefit me at all.
There was talk about holding me back in school in second grade due to lacking emotional maturity and not having good social skills. I was severely bullied in school, although I did have a group of friends till middleschool. In middle school I was at a loss of how to deal with the social complexity.
I also had depression so severe at age 13 my parents took me to a doctor, since they thought I was sick. After seeing how worried they were, I learned to hide my depression better. I had some friends in high school but I wouldn't ever let anyone get too close. I would make a new freind, then not call them to go do things, the idea rarely occurred to me. I was very naive and trusting and would get lead into bad situations or be taken advantage of easily.
I had interests that might not be that unusual, but would be so intense they dominated my life. I would learn a thing so well that adults were impressed by my knowledge, Some of my earlier ones were electronics, chemistry, and mechanics. I could look at something and just understand how it worked, and how it went together. I spent my allowance at the hardware store, and got tools instead of toys for gifts. I would immerse myself for hours, and would tune out the world around me when involved in my interest.
In the last year I have had one real meltdown, and two minor ones that I managed to suppress long enough to get away from people. I know about a hundred people from several groups I do work with, well enough to talk to, but I have no one I can call a friend. I think a few would even like to be my friend. But, I realized I don't know how to do that, what that takes. People have told me I am cold, insensitive, unemotional, un-diplomatic, tactless, hurtful, and unapproachable. I do alright dealing with people working on a common cause, but once it turns social I am in the corner alone, or I just leave without saying goodbye. Often the noise of a social setting becomes too much, with twenty different conversations going at once, I get overwhelmed, it;s like I am being asaulted, and i have to leave.
I scored a 36 on the AQ test and a 140 of 200 AS, 63 of 200 NT on the Aspie quiz. I am sort of beginning to think I may be on the spectrum, but I want to make sure I'm not just looking for an easy answer to some of my issues. I haven't told anyone in my life about this. I have a partner, who has some OCD issues, so we get along well, I haven't told him what I'm thinking either, I want to wait til I am more sure. I would go for a diagnosis but can't afford it, plus it doesn't benefit me at all.
