Struggles with a friend

[Sherlock77]

About six weeks ago a friend was passing through my city (he does this often, but doesn't live here), and collapsed and was admitted to the hospital, he had contacted me and told me that he had left his car behind an apartment, that day I spent six frustrating hours getting it to the hospital and away from a spot where it could have been towed...

I also learned that he designated me as one of his two authorized visitors at the hospital (without my knowledge), a new Covid thing here... And I learned last week that the other person he put on his list hasn't visited, thank goodness our pastor is also making some visits...

The last three weeks, I've felt extra pressure for visits as one of two, one of one? and has thrown parts of my life into mass chaos and time stress, yet I know he needs the support

Today? He got his first hospital pass and needed to run some errands at stores, and he is very weak so needs lots of help, including getting his bank card sorted out again... The whole process took up most of the waking hours of the day, time I could have gone and done some photography or almost anything else (alright my recent photography archives are rather poor, and I like to feed my social media, I'm running out), but then there are times where a person needs to help friends out as difficult as it is... Then when I dropped him off at the hospital in the mid afternoon I went to a local park but it was too late for the best light...

In a sense I feel like I accomplished nothing today, but yet I also know that he legitimately needed help too... But this mirrors how I feel my life has been taken over by a feeling of obligation to visit him, and conversely it affects my ability to do things I want to do... Note, I am a single person used to my own random wanderings

But on further thought as well, while spending time at a small shopping centre with him (for far too long) I discovered a small print shop that sells ink I used in my ten year old photo printer, ink I'm having trouble sourcing recently, I almost don't know how I feel

And this hospital thing could go for a few more weeks yet, which still makes me feel like I'm in a time crunch...

 

[Raggamuffin]

Giving to others is good, until it ends up taking from yourself.

Can you get in contact with the other designated visitor? Or speak with the friend in hospital to see if someone else could tap in for you?

Ed

 

[Progster]

And I learned last week that the other person he put on his list hasn't visited,

I agree with @Raggamuffin . I would get in touch with this other person and try to work out an arrangement with them, or ask the friend if there is anyone else who can help. There's only so much you can do.

 

[Kevin1968]

Is he a friend who has or you believe would help you if the circumstances were reversed?

Of course some people aren't able to repay debts even those of just kindness and you will just have to hope that the universe sends someone to help you when needed. I'm not really a believer in karma, more of an optimist who thinks the world would be a nicer place with more people (like you) willing to help others for no immediate gain.

But either way don't let him drain you, you can't help him if you run out of spoons. Try and get others to help share the load before it becomes too much.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I guess I'm seeing a boundary issue. I struggle with those too. The person you describe sounds like a homeless drug addict type of person. Maybe not that, but certainly not high functioning generally.

I am going to suggest more support for you, and likely getting a social worker and a shrink involved for your homeboy. See you arent qualified to do that work, and even if you were, ethically you are prohibited from counseling a personal acquaintance, in general.

Collapsed? Hospitalized? Needs help shopping? Why is he like that anyways? Is there a pattern of decline? Some significant disability? Too many big questions and all the answers are scary honestly. A drowning man often drowns thier rescuer, and all that.

If I am fulfilling the role of counselor, lawyer, surrogate parent, etc, then I am creating a dependent, and that's not wise. I hope this isn't all too mean. I think maybe some more handholding at the county mental health offices, then you are helping the nearly dead guy get help safely. In my life I learned that some folks were too messed up and in trying to help, I kept them from seeking out the help that they actually needed.

Best of love to you