Struggling With Depression

[KevinMao133]

Yet despite my success, deep down I feel dead

Yet despite the progress, at times I feel nothing

There are times when I struggle with understand the world. Between enjoying myself and continuing to dominate myself, I have a hard time

I struggle with depression, I struggle with expectations, I also struggle with jealousy. I don’t understand myself. I don’t think I will get pass this stage, get over the hump

Anyways I’m out. About to zone out, figuring stuff out

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

At my worst, I didn't struggle with expectations, I just tried to please everybody. That left me passive and with no agency. Because I did not know I was autistic at the time I had to do the work to change. It took work, but I was able to regain my agency.

 

[Auti Saj]

There's really nothing to understand. Execute the brain commands that you judged correct and everything comes to you.

at least this is my current state of mind

 

[Slim Jim]

Our experiences molds our reality. Our reality is our brain activity. What you think, you become.

 

[Nick12]

I WISH YOU THE BEST DAY EVER

 

[Nick12]

hi it me again please watch this video on you tube sesame street we all sing with the same voice

 

[KevinMao133]

I been battling depression for years, it’s apparent now

I usually don’t go outside, except for things I need to do

Too embarrassed, too anxious. I don’t feel confident. Worried about others looking at me

I don’t know what I’m going to do

 

[ChrisCRISPR]

I deal with the same feelings, constant feeling of dread, knot in stomach. I couldn't buy groceries at the store because people too close to me and feeling like everyone was looking at me. I'm happy you're here to the forums because I don't have the answers and my life is still a battle so I can't give any solution but I can offer encouragement. You're not alone.

 

[KevinMao133]

I deal with the same feelings, constant feeling of dread, knot in stomach. I couldn't buy groceries at the store because people too close to me and feeling like everyone was looking at me. I'm happy you're here to the forums because I don't have the answers and my life is still a battle so I can't give any solution but I can offer encouragement. You're not alone.

It doesn’t help that I’m bored half the time

I’m also dealing with health issues. I want to be healthy but anxiety is getting to me

 

[Misty Avich]

I worry about people looking at me too, and although I don't really make eye contact with strangers unless I need to, I still feel them looking if they do, or I feel paranoid that they're looking at me. I try to tell myself that I'm just one of thousands and that if I'm not actively doing anything weird to draw attention, like standing on my head, then people ain't going to really care or even notice me as anything different to the next person. I also try to tell myself that even if strangers do look at me they're most likely not thinking anything and are just making eye contact, as that's what people do.
Knowing this brings me a bit of ease, although I still find it difficult to ignore my stupid social anxieties that torture me with the "you look absolutely retarded, they're all looking at you and laughing!" thoughts.

I don't go outside much these days, unless I need to. I'm rather agoraphobic. But I'm quite happy indoors. It's where I feel safe and have all my comforts. Shame about the neighbour noise though.

 

[Aspychata]

Omg. I am sorry you don't feel accepted. Can l say, it's okay, others can look and we can move on. Don't suffer from this. We don't owe anybody a explanation for being alive.

 

[KevinMao133]

I worry about people looking at me too, and although I don't really make eye contact with strangers unless I need to, I still feel them looking if they do, or I feel paranoid that they're looking at me. I try to tell myself that I'm just one of thousands and that if I'm not actively doing anything weird to draw attention, like standing on my head, then people ain't going to really care or even notice me as anything different to the next person. I also try to tell myself that even if strangers do look at me they're most likely not thinking anything and are just making eye contact, as that's what people do.
Knowing this brings me a bit of ease, although I still find it difficult to ignore my stupid social anxieties that torture me with the "you look absolutely retarded, they're all looking at you and laughing!" thoughts.

I don't go outside much these days, unless I need to. I'm rather agoraphobic. But I'm quite happy indoors. It's where I feel safe and have all my comforts. Shame about the neighbour noise though.

Doesn’t help that I dislike NTs. There’s a long standing rivalry between me and them

Now I don’t hate them, as hate is a strong world. I find them to be irrelevant and I choose to not interact with them

 

[Slime_Punk]

I can't say it's a 'cure all', but is your sleep / diet / exercise good? I find that problems like these (even though I've never suffered from clinical depression) tend to be psychological, for sure, but made a million times worse by external factors like eating poorly, not exercising, not getting enough sleep (or at the right time), etc.

I think we're going to have those issues that we're prone to experience in this lifetime regardless (mine is anxiety), but it's actually kind of miraculous how much better it can get when those external factors are realigned.

Oh, and I don't want to sound like Mr. Sober Pants here, but drug use (even the legal variety) is another huge one to monitor.