Struggling With Something

[KevinMao133]

Expectations

I don’t know why but people keep on watching me, they keep on giving me ridiculous expectations

Too much pressure to handle, feeling overwhelmed at times

They say you shouldn’t care too much about what others think. I can’t, that’s not who I am

Again, how do I deal with expectations from the world while maintaining my dignity?

 

[Rodafina]

They say you shouldn’t care too much about what others think. I can’t, that’s not who I am

Again, how do I deal with expectations from the world while maintaining my dignity?

I will be watching this thread closely for answers to this question.

Right there with you, @KevinMao133.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Expectations

I don’t know why but people keep on watching me, they keep on giving me ridiculous expectations

Too much pressure to handle, feeling overwhelmed at times

They say you shouldn’t care too much about what others think. I can’t, that’s not who I am

Again, how do I deal with expectations from the world while maintaining my dignity?

1. We do what we can,...supplements, medications, therapy, diet,...and we mask as well as we can. I know it's not enough, though,...dealing with expectations.
2. I am a competitive person, by nature. As much as I love being an educator,...I always make sure,...by having to do what I have to do from a self-education, research prospective,...I know more than my colleagues,...more than the physicians who are ultimately responsible for decisions. As such, I put myself in this position of resource person and mentor,...dealing with dignity.

I often feel overwhelmed,...workload, having "3 boiling pots on the stove" at all times, constant interruptions, the sensory issues, the communication and social issues, the masking. The alternative though,...not having those responsibilities,...I literally cannot imagine.

However, I've never been unemployed,...since I was 9 years old,...I've always had responsibilities. My parents practiced "skillful neglect",...I was out the door by 7-8 am and not back until 5-6 pm growing up. I was often miles away from home, doing whatever,...hop on a bus or a bike and just go,...my parents had zero idea where I was,...and they never asked. I had my own money, I bought my own clothing,...my parents fed and housed me. I dealt with "creepy" adults, criminal elements,...I developed a lot of "street smarts". I could run, I could fight, and I worked out in the gym to be the strongest kid in school by the time I was 14 years old.

So, that said, I probably have a much higher threshold for being "uncomfortable" and "overwhelmed" than most people,...autistic or not. People have come and gone in my life,...even my family,...so I don't have this thing where I worry about what others think of me,...but I do want to make a positive impression. I do care about how others see me,...I do care that I am often marginalized because of my autistic traits,...but at some level I have to have a higher sense of self-worth and self-awareness about myself. I will not let others bring me down by their marginalizing behaviors.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I'll echo what @Neonatal RRT says. I became self reliant as early as possiblem for many things which made the transition to independent living easier. I tended to do things my own way, and because of my successes, was allowed a lot of leeway. One supervisor said that I had a hard mouth because I would not do things exactly as expected, but ultimately I not only completed tasks and more, ocassionally resulting in patents or process improvements.

 

[Aspychata]

People aren't going to like us. All types of people will not like you. You just have to walk away from being liked. To be taking care of yourself, you only have to like you. Having boundaries and stating them firmly, another way to have people dislike you. Not being able to be manipulated, is an excellent way to have people get upset with their expectations of what they think you should do. I am fighting this very battle right now in my life. Other people's expectations of what they think they can manipulate me to do.

 

[rHFactor]

This is something I'm also trying to work through, dealing with (often) unreasonable work expectations, not-terribly empathetic co-workers, and manipulative family members. I've been finding it helps somewhat to remind myself that I am a good person who tries to help others. I have to do that exercise multiple times a day sometimes -- multiple times an hour on a bad day -- and it is exhausting, but the more I do it, the easier I find it to carry myself with some dignity, at least at work.

Dealing with manipulative people can be tricky. Aspychata is absolutely right about drawing and maintaining boundaries, even with family members, who can make it even more tricky. I've found other useful tips in YouTube videos about narcissists, who can be the worst manipulators. Finding a therapist who understands autism well enough to give you useful, specific support in dealing with manipulative people (and the trauma they cause) may also be helpful, if difficult.

All these struggles are hard enough to deal with for NT people; it can be even harder when you're ND, and have people poking at sore spots. If there are things you can do to change your environment to keep these kinds of people off your back, look into them.